That's Why They Call Him Fluffy
by DiLLiRgA
Summary: SesshomaruxRin. Hark, the chirping on the foggy moors... Dare I say it, there's a new chapter!
1. The Difference Between Idiot And Baka

A/N: It has been a long, hard and somewhat Shakespearean road. Please enjoy this story, for it was humbly written to entertain. You can thank Takahashi-sensei for giving us such wonderful characters to tinker with and pop-culture for being diverse enough that it can be incorporated into a story that is about feudal Japan…of all things.. lol.

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Disclaimer:

Chapter 1- The Difference Between Idiot and Baka

Daylight broke on yet another cheerful day. Perhaps a bit too cheerful for the Demon Lord's taste. He lay with his back to a tree, desperately trying to keep his eyes closed in spite of the sun beaming his way. Perhaps he could cover his face with his fluffy tail. That might have been a good idea if the now-ten-year-old Rin wasn't sleeping in his arms, holding onto it securely. Sesshoumaru smiled in spite of himself for a moment and then regained his solemn composure. He had become soft these last few years, but only towards Rin. You didn't hear anybody else complaining did you? No... And that's because they're all dead. As in the doornail kind. As in D-E-D. Ded.

He waited for a moment until deciding that the sun would probably wake the child up soon anyways. He leaned in a bit closer to her head and spoke softly in his deep (A/N: and oh so sexy:) voice, "Rin... It is time to wake up."

She held onto his tail even tighter now and squirmed in her place but he noticed the smile that played upon her face. How…serene. But she was certainly awake. Being used to her antics by now, he turned to plan B.

"I take it you do not want breakfast then."

Rin's eyes snapped open the instant he had finished the sentence. Yep, it was definitely time to wake up.

"Sesshoumaru-sama wins. Rin will get up now!" she smiled releasing her hold on his tail. She sprang up and went about her usual routine of kicking Jaken until he could ignore her no longer and simply had to wake up. Then, of course, began the normal morning arguments that consisted of Jaken screaming and running after Rin with his little staff of heads in the air, unable to catch her, and Rin turning back every now and then to stick her tongue out at him.

Yep, it was another normal morning for the trio. But, as he had found himself doing for the past many mornings, Sesshoumaru simply sat there, expressionless and unmoving. To him, she was still a baby. She was growing before his very eyes but still had a long way to mature. Then she will leave me, he thought. He knew his Rin and he knew in his heart that the day would come when she would want to leave and pursue an ordinary human life. And why would she not, he questioned himself. He certainly wasn't going to be the one to stop her from being happy. He had finally become strong enough to admit that that was all he wanted of her and if she had to leave him to ensure her happiness, then so be it.

Nevertheless, the Lord's face now had a shadow upon it. Thinking about things like this was no way to start his day. He cast his eyes to the side and emitted a faint growl without even realizing it. Rin noticed the change in his expression as he was no longer watching her clobber Jaken with his own staff. Child that she was, she released Jaken from her deathgrip and ran up to him.

"Sesshoumaru-sama's scary when he looks like he's ready to kill." She said with a smile on her face.

Sesshoumaru broke out of his trance and looked at her. He wasn't smiling but, then again, he hardly ever did. She could tell, though, that he was ok and no longer had that icy look in his eyes. How she could tell this is beyond the author's comprehension yet it is not for the audience to question the technicalities.

In an instant, she put her two fingers up to his face and raised the sides of his mouth to a smile. She began to giggle and even though he made no sign of amusement, the girl's antics were always enough to lighten his mood. Humans... he thought with a sigh, but she was the one human he could never get enough of...

So it was that time passed, sometimes at home, sometimes roaming the forests and though Sesshoumaru and Jaken never aged in appearance, Rin continued to grow and blossomed into a young woman of seventeen. Time certainly seemed to fly when you were having fun and beating the crap out of Jaken.

It was on one particular morning that Rin had run off a distance to a nearby stream for bathing purposes when she noticed that it was already occupied by two girls. They were having an interesting conversation she didn't feel like interrupting so, curiosity getting the better of her, Rin crept behind a conveniently located boulder and listened to what they were saying.

"So what's this big news you have for me?" the first girl asked the second.

"Well... Hayato-san's finally proposed! (squeal/blush)" the second girl answered.

"Oh my goodness!!! Aya-chan I'm so happy for you!! So that idiot's finally decided to propose, huh. He's waited too damn long if you ask me." she said in a huff.

"I definitely agree with you! But what can you do, not all of us are as lucky as you...to be married at fifteen. Well I'm seventeen and getting married- practically an old hag! At least its finally happened!"

The girls kept on giggling and talking about this, that and the other but Rin had had enough. What on earth was wrong with being seventeen and not married? She would hardly call herself an old hag. Especially when there are so many other things to call oneself.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a certain toad-like creature with a staff spotted her and came running as he yelled: "You brat I'm going to have your head added to this stick if you don't hurry up whatever foolishness you're up to!"

The two girls in the stream heard the yelling and noticed the youkai running towards them (or what they thought was towards them).

"KyAAAaaAaaAaA!!!!" they screamed in incredibly loud pitched voices and ran out of the water all the way to wherever it was they were going.

Rin got up from her hiding place, now more annoyed than ever.

"Jaken you idiot! Now look at what you've done! What do you have in that head of yours because it sure isn't a brain!" She yelled getting ready to send him flying into the stream.

"Why you- " he began but got cut short as a very heavy foot squashed him.

"He started it!" Rin said pointing a finger at the Jaken pancake.

"I don't care who started it. You fools are wasting my time. Come."

Boy, he really doesn't waste words, does he. Rin thought. Wait, had he just called her and Jaken fools?

But Sesshoumaru was already walking in front with Jaken and Rin behind him, fighting a silent yet deadly battle. Rin was winning of course. She was in a pissy (for lack of a better word) mood anyway. Of course, that couldn't be helped sometimes. After all, she had been travelling with one of the most (If not the most) violent men in all of Japan for the past ten years! Mood swings were just another one of life's little games.

"Don't make me kill you both," came the calm reply from the front which made them both shut up.

Sheesh Rin thought, Who stepped on his tail?! Watching his back as it moved steadily in front of her she muttered: "Baka..."

Sesshoumaru made no indication that he had heard but he would have to have a conversation with his human on her choice of vocabulary when they got home.

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	2. Who Said You Were A Woman?

**Chapter 2- Who Said You Were A Woman?**

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Rin could think of nothing else but the girls' conversation as she quietly lagged behind Jaken. Oooh she was in such a foul mood. Her ears heard nothing other then the sound of something deep inside which somehow found its way to the surface. The debate began.

What are you doing Rin? Wasting your life away following a demon and his toad...

Stupid, I wouldn't even have a life if it weren't for Sesshoumaru...

Psshha! Technicalities! It was the Tenseiga that saved you, not Sesshoumaru; he just kinda… ya know… helped it work.

But what would I do without him? Where would I go? I have no one else to turn to. Besides, I wouldn't leave him...no matter how big a baka he acts like. Deep down inside, I know there's more to him than that cold exterior. I've seen it. Don't ask me how.

What you saw was nothing more than the icy flow of hatred, especially for lowly humans like you. What do you hope to accomplish by staying at his side? You're not getting any younger. Do you honestly think that he would even consider marrying you- mating with you- whatever it is you kids are calling it these days.

Oh my god… I must finally be losing it. It's finally happened Rin, my girl. You've snapped. I'm literally advising myself to fuck off. There's something not right about this.

You know the answer to those questions but you avoid them. Fine, be that way but you'll end up just as that girl said: an old hag. Old, miserable and ALONE!

"AAAAh!" she cried as she hit herself repeatedly, out of frustration. It was quite the picture. The girl kept slapping at her head and wasn't paying the slightest attention at where she was going. Jaken turned around to see what all the commotion was about but no sooner had he turned that he caught the last few seconds of her one-woman stunt show and she crashed to the ground, tripping over a rock that had mysteriously chosen her as a victim.

Jaken stood there, his eyes twitching. "Girl, have you finally gone mad?" he shrieked. Sesshoumaru had not bothered to turn around but he was growing tired of all the racket. Heads were getting ready to roll.

The demon lord wanted to get back home as he was not interested in spending another night out in open. Besides, he had a lot on his mind. What dominated his thoughts you may ask? The correct question is WHO. And the answer is three little letters: R-I-N. He needed to be alone and the longer he stayed out in her company, the longer he felt his defenses weaken. He needed to cool it...and quick.

Let's snap back to the present please!

Jaken shrieked: "Girl, have you finally gone mad?" Seeing that she made no answer, he began taunting her. "Rin you better get that pathetic human body up off the ground before I lose control of my staff and it finds its way to your empty head."

But, amidst his laughing, he failed to notice the gleaming of Rin's eyes. A snarl and a jump later, he was squashed to the ground like a fly twitching between a window and a swatter as Rin tried to bash his brains out.

She started to rant and rave like a mad woman which made Sesshoumaru stop in his tracks. What the hell was going on back there?! He turned around to look at his followers and simply stood there expressionless (as always) watching the "friendly argument."

"Pathetic human body huh...I'll show you pathetic you amphibian wannabe!" she yelled as she bashed another one into him. But Jaken wasn't going down without a fight. He fought back with his staff and as many colorful phrases as he could muster on such short notice.

"Lose control? You-just-watch-me-lose-con-trol!" she said as she kerplunked those syllables into him (A/N: haha, just picture her bashing her fist on his nasty green head repeatedly:)

This had gone too far. They had completely forgotten the fact that they were supposed to be heading home and didn't even take notice of the figure that now loomed above them. Of course, that was before they finally saw that his eyes had gone red. Jaken and Rin froze, the scene being such that Rin held her hands around Jaken's neck and was trying to choke him (A/N: can we all say "duh") while Jaken was thwanking (think kerplunking) his staff on her head. The two let go of each other and Jaken edged out of sight to repair his staff that had definitely seen better days. Rin kept her eyes on the ground like a little kid and braced for impact.

"Rin," he said through clenched fangs in a very angry yet controlled voice, "Is it that time of the month?"

Her own angry eyes snapped up to meet his. Had she just heard right?

"Eh?" (cheeks blush anime style and sweatdrop appears) So what if it is? Why I oudda...

"I suggest you act your age from now on before I lose my patience with you."

But it really was no use and he knew it. There wasn't anything he could do, simply because he couldn't bring himself to harm her. And in the mood she was in, she was gonna milk this for aaaaall it was worth.

"You're just lucky I don't lose mine first! Hmph!" she said crossing her arms defiantly. She stuck her nose in the air and, knowing that this would really tick him off, she walked right past him, attitude full throttle, refusing to look his way. Of course, she was waiting for some sort of reaction from him, probably a violent outburst of sorts, some de- rooted trees, a few smoldering patches of land, mountains cloven in two, etc. and sure enough, she got it. But it was far from anything she had expected.

This time, Sesshoumaru was going to let his words fight the battle for him. He was determined to win. Perhaps she would then shut up and let him concentrate on getting them back home, for let us not forget that Sesshoumaru is, before anything else, a man (and what a man… ehem…) so naturally, finding the right direction is his strongest point.

"You have nothing to prove to me Rin. I already know that you shall be nothing more than a child. Keep Jaken entertained since that is all you are good for. As long as you stop hindering me then I do not care weather you follow or leave."

Rin walked up, no longer crossing her arms, and stood dead in front of him. So he wants a fight, huh? She felt as if her heart had been ripped out and was being torn apart by a million little demons (strangely resembling Jaken). By the seemingly emotionless look on his face, the only thing that she could think of was you really don't care, do you... That really hurt. It -really- did. In fact, it hurt so much, it was absolutely begging for retaliation.

"I may be human but since it hasn't drawn your attention, I am also a woman. Need I remind you that there is a line you do not cross with a woman, especially when it is that time of the month. But you already know all this, since you're so knowledgeable in the ways of women."

He didn't budge or break the blood-chilling eye contact. She had asked for it.

"You? A woman?" he said looking her up and down with disgust in his eyes, "I would sooner call myself a hanyou."

Ooooh that's it. I know you did NOT just insult my femininity! was the last thing she remembered thinking as she landed one mean mother-fucker of a right hook in his not-so-gorgeous-anymore face.

Sesshoumaru brought both his clawed hands before her neck, mere inches away. He felt like wringing that pretty little neck of hers until her head detached from her body. But he could bring his claws no closer than that. He could do no more than stand there with his hands in front of her, breathing heavily with rage, teeth/fangs/whatever clenched, eyes bulging and red as Rudolph's nose, a growl and snarl thrown in here and there but that was all.

Rin's POV:

Oops. I've really gone and done it this time. He is -never- gonna let me live this one down. Damn. Smooth Rin, real smooth. Why couldn't you have smacked him at least? You had to punch him didn't you. Oh...why don't I just go die now and spare him the trouble of killing me...crap.

I ca't look him in the eyes. I'm not afraid that he's going to hurt me physically. Of course not. Sesshoumaru would never do such a thing to me. But that's the whole point. He's probably going to hurt me with his degrading phrases now and when it comes to verbal confrontation, he certainly has a way with words. Could I just crawl into a hole please? It's the first day of that week, I feel nauseas, my head hurts, now my hand hurts and I'm on a guilt trip like nobody's business. I feel like crying...I feel like scratching the word 'baka' on my forehead...I feel like inflicting pain on Jaken...hmm... tempting...

Back to normal viewing

With a sudden wave of emotion she flung herself onto Sesshoumaru (who had been burning a hole through her with his stare until now) and captured him in her embrace. To top it off, she wouldn't stop crying. Go figure. Well, everyone who experiences that time of the month knows what I'm talking about. Everything just goes haywire.

"I'm so sorry!" sniffle sniffle "You want to kill me" sniffle "and that's ok...just please don't hate meeee:((((("

She suddenly stopped her crying and looked up at his face. He had the most dumb-founded look she had ever seen. Of course, there was also a very curious looking question mark above his head. Other than a few tiny red spots above his cheek, there were no other visible signs of damage. She hesitantly touched those spots with her finger but he huffed away from her touch.

Ok. I guess I deserve that she thought. He was really gonna be an ass about this, wasn't he.

He brushed past her and refused to look back. He started to walk again. Rin was about to follow but he spoke once more.

"Next time, I'll kill you." was his calm, cool, collected and final response.

Asshole. At least he's back to normal...I guess... She sighed. The thought of going home just kept getting better and better.

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	3. The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Toadman And

**Chapter 3- The Good, The Bad, The Ugly Toadman and the Baka**

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Still walking home, the atmosphere was silent and extremely tense. Not good. When even Rin and Jaken aren't ensuing battle, you know that something else is about to go wrong. But, of course, just because they weren't fighting doesn't mean Jaken was one to stop talking. Actually, it was more like muttering and cursing under his breath. What was that? Something about ugly unappreciative humans and his poor defenseless staff? Whatever... Strange creatures and hard to understand these toads are...

But Rin Tyson and Lord Wounded Pride were each caught up in their own thoughts so they needn't bother talking, or listen to Jaken for that matter…not like they would anyway.

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RIN's POVThinking

I really need to get home... I don't think my legs can handle more walking. Gosh... He's really angry with me. Well tough! He's the one who keeps threatening my life.

'Next time, I'll kill you' She mentally imitated him. Kill this kill that... what's with the killing obsession? Ok, it's not like he usually says anything particularly nice anyway. But he's been acting especially mean lately. Hmm…I wonder if it's that time of the month for him too. Hehehe.

Shut up...This is no laughing matter. He's probably gonna practice his Tenseiga skills on you when you get home. Yikes! She shuddered remembering a little incident involving her, the little green thing known as Jaken, the Tenseiga and a flock of sheep. The Tenseiga reeked of wool for weeks. That had really gotten Sesshoumaru's goat, excuse the pun. But never mind that now.

Sheesh he's worse then a woman. Even -I'm- over it by now. Hmm maybe I should pick some flowers for him and attempt a truce...on second thought...that might not help much. Wait a sec, I'm the woman here, shouldn't he be giving -me- flowers? And of course -that's- gonna happen soon. Hmph. Really. I wish I could make him fall flat on his face like Kagome could to Inuyasha. Damn she's lucky. I wonder what they're up to now. Probably living happily ever after...Well, they deserve it... It really figures though...She gets the good brother and I get grumpy over here...but - she smiles- I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. Haha... and I would never use the word "SIT" on him. I think I prefer "BAKA." It suits him...hehehe. Just thinking about it makes me crack up. Every time I say 'Baka' he'd gracefully thump before me... Well, everyone can dream. Muhahaha.

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Sesshoumaru's POV Thinking

I can feel her smiling. What she has to be happy about I can not understand. And how dare she be happy without my consent? Humans. Miserable, low, disrespectful creatures. When we get home I shall practice my Tenseiga skills on you Rin. Feh! Women! This mortal will be the death of me- or I the death of her. Curse her. Perhaps I deserved that hit. What!? I'm getting soft again. Come to your senses at once. You are Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western lands. There. That's right. Maybe I should get her flowers and try to make peace... Stop that! Come to think of it, maybe I have been -too- soft on her. Maybe I should display more authority and then she would come to her senses. Let's see, foul language always seemed to work for that stupid hanyou. And he did end up with his mortal...hmmm...

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"What are you smiling for wench?"

"Eh? Did you just call me wench?" Rin asked in shock as she snapped from her thoughts. He had just called her wench! Oh dog you are going doooown! She thought in rage. Then in the most piercing voice that the lands had heard (since Kagome, that is) she screamed: "BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Sesshoumaru was so taken aback by this (not to mention the impossibly high note she had hit that was hammering into his skull as we speak) that he stumbled backwards a step and fell flat on his bottom.

Note to self: dispose of the foul language...and the hanyou if you ever see him again.

Rin shut up at the sight. "Eheheh" she smiled weakly, "I guess it does work..." He hadn't fallen on his face but having fallen on his butt was good enough for her!

"You stupid brat. I'll be deaf for weeks!" Jaken said as he jumped up and bonked his staff on her head. Rin could do nothing but smile sheepishly at Sesshoumaru who now stood up and dusted himself off. He gave her the "now you shall die" stare that he pulls off so brilliantly but she seemed to be paying more attention to Jaken than him.

"Cool it Yoda! (A/N: sorry, couldn't resist:) Hey look, we're home- Thank goodness! A few more minutes and I would have needed a boat to carry me..." she muttered and scurried right past him.

Indeed, with all the heavy thinking going on, neither Sesshoumaru nor Rin had realized that they had made it home and it now stood before them tall and proud. But the girl was already up in her room, locked away from the probably-fatal grasp of one steaming youkai lord. Unfortunately, her room was a suite and let's all take a wild guess as to who the adjoining room belongs to. That's correct my genius audience! Apparently his Highness had thought it necessary for her to be close to him when she was young so that he could be nearby if she ever got scared and needed him. (This is the part where you go: aaaaaaw). How thoughtful...It also came in handy when he had a bone to pick with her...which seemed to be happening a lot lately.

Oh crap. What am I gonna do now? She thought in despair. I probably have about thirty more seconds to live before he storms in here. Think think think. She sat down on the ground paying no attention to anything. She looked down to the ground and hugged her knees. Tears were forming in her eyes. I don't know why I'm acting this way. He just makes me so angry! I never used to give it a second thought and things would be alright but it just seems to be getting worse as I get older. He's always trying to push me away...and that makes me angry...which makes me make him angry...which then makes him make me angry again...oh angry my ass, humph.

Crack He was in his room now. She could hear him. She closed her eyes and waited patiently for the door to disintegrate open.

Damn, she thought, this is gonna be the sixth door this year...crud...and I really liked this one too. Goodbye life, hello again Tenseiga...

But no one came and she could no longer hear anything. Getting up, she crept to the door and put her ear against it. Nothing. That was a relief...of sorts. But in a sense it was also a disappointment. He really didn't give a damn anymore, did he... She sat down in front of the connecting door with her back against it, silent and lost in her teenage dementia.

Things have changed so much. He never kisses me goodnight anymore...he tries not to look at me but I catch him staring every now and then. And he's always getting mad at me- what a Jaken thing to do! Sheesh! You'd think he's looking for a reason to be angry with me- which wouldn't be all too surprising. At least nothing's happened to my nice door.

It was then that the little voice came back...

So why don't you just leave him?

Oooh not again... Listen you, me- whoever, my door and I would really like to be alone right now.

Rin.

What?

Forget the damn door.

And don't take your mood swings out on me just because its still -that- week!

Eh? Why the hell does everyone keep throwing that in my face! You're all conspiring to make me go insane aren't you? You and Jaken! Oooh just you wait until I find you toadman!

Woooah Inuyasha, osuwari will ya!

Fck off!

Listen, just hear me out for a few minutes and then I'll leave you to your misery, deal? (mutter you loudmouthed……)

mutter stupid freakin……….

I'm taking that as a yes.

Why not...if it'll make you leave any quicker.

Ehem... Anyway, I'll get down to the point. I'm here to tell you exactly why you won't leave Sesshoumaru, just to make sure that you -don't- do anything so stupid, which I wouldn't put past you.

Oh. Hey! Whaddaya mean w-

Rin, be sensible for just a moment if you can. He has looked after you all this time, never asking anything of you, he has made you neither slave nor servant yet he keeps you at his side. Just why do you think that is?

I...don't know... Desperation? Mid-life crisis? Fear of solitude?

You're gettin' warmer!

Huh?

Rin...he's alone. Not to mention lonely and homicidal.

B-but... I don't want to be his entertainment! I'm not some dumb little animal that can amuse him! What do you think Jaken's here for?

Then what is it you want from him Rin?

I want him to lo- heeey...wait a minute. Are you trying to trick me or something?

Damn, I almost had you, too. Rin...I have my answer and so do you. But the question now remains, what are you going to do about it? I'll leave you now, as promised.

Hey! Hellooo..hey wait! Oh figures she'd leave now that _I_ wanna talk to _her_.

But little did Rin know that on the other side of the door stood a rather upset lord. He could hear her breathing barely a foot away from him. He couldn't lift his head up.

Things have changed. Rin and I were not this distant once. She no longer kisses me goodnight and it seems as though she is afraid of me. Not a physical fear...more of an emotional fear. She fears arguing with me and angering me... I can hardly stand to look at her anymore. And I know the reason... She is my weakness. The only weakness I will ever and always have. No one can know. How is it that I was destined to have a fate similar to Inuyasha's and Father's? To love a mortal...it is a weakness that I shall conquer...for my sake and for her's.

Just then he heard someone knock on her door. A minute later the sounds that his ears picked up served as a sort of relief. He inched in closer to the door to listen.

"It's time for dinner wench! Are you coming or not?"

"That's Lady wench to you frog face..." she muttered trying to control her temper.

"Humph! If I'd never seen a lady before in my life I might have actually believed that one."

"You're askin for it Jerk-en!"

"Bring it on human!"

But the look in Rin's eyes were enough to send Jaken on his way as she made a dive for him. He barely escaped.

"Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

Rin got off the floor from her rather graceless plunge into the wooden depths and felt around for bumps and bruises muttering something about a "dumb grasshopper..."

Sesshoumaru smiled to himself. Now this was a taste of the normal life that made him happy in an odd and somewhat sadistic way. He missed her careless human antics, that is, around him. Of course she had never stopped being carefree but he knew that she had become more uptight whenever he was around. He missed her being that carefree with him. He missed her waking up in the middle of the night complaining about Jaken's face giving her nightmares and cuddling up next to him without giving it another thought. He missed her... the way she was... before he had unconsciously begun to break her spirit. He missed his Rin and a feeling inside him now grew. He wanted her back the way she was...

Perhaps, he thought, I shall trust in fate this once Rin...

How fickle is man.

Rin had started to walk downstairs when she heard someone walk up next to her. She stopped and turned her head to look at him then looked down at the ground.

I suppose I'd better take the initiative before I start growing old waiting for him, she thought.

She stretched up to him and placed a small, quick kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry for calling you baka..." she mumbled.

"Are you apologizing for the one you muttered or the one that nearly brought the mountains down on us?" he asked, still a little flustered from the kiss. If she didn't know any better, he looked somewhat flushed. Demons! she thought, weirdos, all of them.

"Eheh...both...I guess." She said looking a little pale. He had heard that, huh...Crud...

"Yes...well...for calling you wench...I...yes...well...ah..." he fumbled looking this way and that as Rin stared at him in glorious confuzzlement. What the hell? Is he trying to apologize or something? Ok...NOW I'm scared...

"You what?" she asked softly, trying to help him with whatever it was he was trying to say.

"Give me a moment I have never done this before."

"Sheesh... down boy..." she muttered and waited patiently.

Letting a sigh out in that moment of defeat he suddenly took hold of her hands and held them within his.

"Rin...although this is incredibly harder than I first imagined it to be... I…I- well..I...apologize." That last word was barely audible. He had heard it but apparently she had not.

"You what? I'm sorry, you're speaking so quietly..."

"I said I apologize."

Rin gasped in horror. She looked so upset that he thought she was about to cry. She quickly pulled one hand away from his and placed it on his crescent-imprinted forehead.

"What's wrong Sesshoumaru-sama? Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?! Here, go lie down and I'll find something for you to eat."

She gave him one hell of a shove towards his room, now seriously concerned for his health.

"But I-"

"No buts now dammit go to your room and I'll be right back!" She commanded pointing a finger at him...no, not that one... She made a mad dash downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed anything she could get a hold of.

"What are you doing you fool? And where is master Sesshoumaru?"

"Shut up Jaken, he's sick and I need to go and look after him before he gets worse!" She said starting to get teary-eyed.

"He's not sick brat, he was fine just a few hours ago!"

"Oh no? Well how do you explain this: he apologized to me for calling me wench!"

Jaken stood frozen like a statue. This couldn't be happening.

"YOU STUPID GOOD-FOR-NOTHING! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MASTER! HE'S NOT SICK, HE'S DYING!! OUT OF MY WAY!"

"Ooooh no you don't!" She said angrily grabbing him by his staff and pulling him up into the air. "He needs his rest and -I'm- going to take care of him. Now go buzz somewhere else... Follow me up Jaken and I swear that staff's gonna find it's way up your-"

"RIIIIIIIIN!" came a bellowing from upstairs.

"Coming!!" She said giving the extremely angry mini-youkai one final glance. "Well, let's just say that I'll get creative using that staff on you. You figure it out." Now that the threats were where they belonged, she ran back upstairs.

2 minutes ago

Sesshoumaru sat on his bed. What had just happened?

Well, he finally thought, Maybe I should just play along... this could get very...interesting. Perhaps I might even regain my human. Hmmm... What to do? Well...maybe just this once...

"RIIIIIIIIN!" He bellowed as he made himself more comfortable on his bed.

"Coming!!"

"Yes...very interesting indeed." He said to himself and he smiled, waiting, thinking of the peck on the cheek as his heartbeat got a little faster.

* * *


	4. How To Use The F Word And Get Away With

A/N: Thou shalt honor thine reviewers even if it kills thee and even if thou art afraid of that little mob forming yonder... I owe you all a lot...and I humbly thank you from the bottom of my twisted little heart:

.. thoughts ".." speech

Oi...TwiTcH ...Let's get dis show on da road.

* * *

**Chapter 4- How To Use The "F" Word And Get Away With It **

Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western Lands (as if there were any other) lay upon his bed waiting, with his armor off (A/N: but still clothed people, get your minds outta da gutter... mutters while mopping the drool off the floor), listening and altogether getting p.o.'d at Rin's lack of speed.

A few seconds later, he could hear the hurried footsteps of his human coming up the stairs. Her hurried footsteps...or was that the beating of his heart? Or the pounding of his skull? But when a door opened, it wasn't his. He heard her moving around in her room next door. Curiosity filled him as a loud THUMP followed by several crashes came. The words that followed made the Lord wonder where his human was getting her colorful vocabulary education from. He had to admit, even -he- didn't know some of the words she was using. Humph, he thought, It must be a human thing. A second later, Rin kicked the adjoining door open as she tried to unsuccessfully juggle all sorts of miscellaneous items in her arms. Sesshoumaru tried to remain expressionless but it was painfully difficult. What on earth did she think she was doing?

"Rin," he said calmly, "I am ill, not dying."

"Yes...well Jaken could argue with that," she mumbled. "Actually, a lot of this is food and...ah...what's left of the plates. The rest are mine. I'm going to stay here with you until you feel better."

A "you're pulling my tail, right?" eyebrow went up on the lord's otherwise expressionless face. This was just too much and he couldn't decide weather he was loving the idea or hating it. He could handle the girl up to a certain point but then it just became too…nerve-hurting.

"Yes, I know," she blushed, "I'm not exactly far away-"

"We are separated by a single door."

"And what a door it is..." she remarked, silently thanking the gods that it was still up, standing well and not reduced to a pile of ashes as of yet.

Geez...this wasn't going to be easy, was it... Time to resort to Plan B. Her blush darkened as Sesshoumaru decided that he would rather not inquire about the door comment.

"It will make things easier for me and this way I can keep an eye on lizardman's comings and goings so he doesn't spend more than two minutes annoying you. Ok?" She asked hopefully, putting on the most pitifully sweet puppy-dog eyes.

Curse her. There is a strategy behind all this. Feh. She has won again. The wench has learned well. He felt like ramming his head into a wall...than again why risk his own head... Jaken's would suffice just as well...hmmm...

Well, he thought, this shall be an adequate test of self- control...should I fail...ah yes, such a shame that would be. He chided himself sarcastically. But let us not be hasty and tasteless about this...

Rin stood there still waiting for a response. He had been giving her the "I'm balancing your pitiful life in my hands" look for a while now. But this look also had an alternate meaning which, in layman's terms translates to: "You're getting good at this and I am thoroughly displeased. Die."

Gosh, she thought, Poor Sesshoumaru-sama...he must really be losing it... She sighed out loud. The lord snapped out of his daze and turned away to look at a rather interesting nothing that had caught his attention at the moment.

"Do as you wish." Came the calm and uninterested response.

Hah. She thought happily. Rin wins again...The eyes get him every time... Fluffy didn't raise no fool. But some things are just meant for thought and wisely left unsaid. Of course, now giddy with excitement over her new roommate (roomie) status, getting caught up in the moment is inevitable.

Dazed and unawares she thanked him. "Thank you Fluffy-sama. I'll just get the rest of my things." And what a thank-you it was. Well, Rin had just used the "F word" without even realizing it. Dumb move, you say? Considerably.

Merrily she went to her room to gather more useless essentials, her previous choice of words being the farthest thing from her mind.

Sesshoumaru sat upright in the bed. His eyes were squinted and his expression quite agitated. Apparently he had not taken a liking to his nickname. Calmly and with as much pride and arrogance as the situation demanded he placed two clawed hands up to his head and pat his hair and bangs down, all the while thinking Perhaps, Sesshoumaru, a haircut is in order.

When Rin came back into the room minutes later, her body heat betrayed the excitement she so desperately tried to hide. She really was ecstatic about all this and silently, she asked someone, anyone, just why he didn't get sick more often. Damn these dog demons and their good health...

As he ate, she moved around the room silently sticking her face behind anything and everything so as to hide the redness. Sesshoumaru was thoroughly amused as he stole glances her way whenever she wasn't looking. This was going to be harder than he had first anticipated. Her heat was insanely distracting. On the other hand, Rin felt like an overdone tomato insistently being turned on a spit under a blazing summer sun. Turning the spit and taunting her were little demons that refused to release her. They oddly resembled Jaken...Never a good sign. But what a perfect time for our friend "The Voice" to put in an appearance.

Rin...

No! I won't!

I haven't said anything yet.

But you were going to.

That is inevitable.

Aha!

Sigh Rin...

You keep calling me that.

Yes, sadly enough it cannot be helped as that happens to be your name...

I see your reasoning. You know, you have the worst timing. I happen to be very busy.

Busy trying to hide your face and your heat? My dear, I doubt that standing naked in a snowstorm would be enough to stand in the way of those raging hormones. Don't think that he hasn't noticed and make no mistake that it amuses me greatly to see you in this mess.

I'll bet it does, you-

Oi! Let's keep this PG-13!

Grrrrrr

Answer me this-

Why should I?

Because I will not leave until you do so.

Good girl. Just what exactly are you hoping to accomplish by this?

Absolutely nothing! Why must you always think I have an ulterior motive?!

I am your conscience... I am not at ease...shall I spell it out for you?

I get the creepy feeling you're not going to leave without lecturing me

I know...I'm the one giving you that feeling

Just get it over with.

Brilliant strategy you applied back there and I can say without a doubt that...you are well on your way to irritating the master in his already weakened state you nitwit. Can't you see him? Poor Sesshoumaru-sama must have an impossibly painful headache. Just look at him, he keeps patting his head when he thinks you are not looking. And here you are, a walking bonfire. Why not just shrivel up and be done with it? That ought to be entertaining. Hehe...Wait, I had a point when I started...let me think now... Ah, yes. The point here RIN, is: let him have some peace away from you. He has most certainly earned it.

Hey, weren't you the one who told me not to leave him?

That was different.

How so?

You weren't attempting to smother him then

True...heeeeey -!

Shut it half-pint. You know I'm right.

But-but! Aw man...but he said I could stay!

He said nothing of the kind! You have a habit of hearing what you wish to hear rather than what is said.

Humph! I refuse to cooperate with the likes of you.

Somehow I thought you would. Need I remind you that annoying Sesshoumaru- sama would not be to your advantage.

Listen you, I've been irritating him for ten damn years and I'm not about to stop now, got it? Now I appreciate your concern but I think this lecture is over.

Think nothing of it. And consider the lectures as a sort of bonus out of the goodness of my heart. What would you do without me?

Probably go back to being normal.

Oh perish the thought...

Grrrrr... and with that she started swatting at her head again, trying to get that ridiculously annoying voice to go away. Sesshoumaru watched the scene being played before him in confusion. She kept hitting her head. Was there something she was trying to tell him? After that fluffy comment, one can never be sure...

"Rin what seems to be the problem." he asked sounding terribly unconcerned.

"Ah...there was a...fly?" She tried lamely and he turned away. Women...you just never knew...and if you are a man, you are forever fated to either misunderstand or just plain not understand. The laws of nature forbid otherwise.

Oh great. Five minutes as roommates and already I'm pissing him off. I've really outdone myself this time. Hmm...I feel somewhat proud...hehe...

Several long and dull minutes passed in silence but the air was hot and thick with tension. Either that or the A/C needed to be replaced (A/N: just kidding...hehe). Rin was trying very hard to work her heat down by adjusting this and that around the room and moving her stuff in. Sesshoumaru was trying very hard not to look at her while she was doing this but her heat was always there, tickling and testing his senses. The silence was very disturbing. Rin was now very close, moving around the bed. This was the perfect time for a little amusement. Suddenly, without much disturbance to his relaxed form, he reached out a hand to Rin's wrist and pulled her to a sitting position on the side of the bed next to him.

Oh for goodness' sake, why'd you have to go and do that? Damn...just as I was cooling down a little...

Time for Plan B he thought smugly.

"Rin, do you remember the day our paths first crossed?"

Yes, go ahead, put me on the spot with that question... How could I forget, you baka, I've only been in lo-... er...cared about you a lot since then.

"How could I forget Sesshoumaru-sama. I thought you were an angel because of your white form. Of course, that didn't last long..."

"I should think not." He stated decidedly and a little annoyed. Angel indeed...I would rather be a hanyou.

"Why do you ask?" Rin inquired eagerly. Something in her heart was begging for a little escape of emotion from the lord as her thoughts took a trip down the bumpy road of memories. Her heart beat a little faster, hoping that he would say something like: 'from that day onwards I knew that you would grow to be the only person I could ever care for...and love...'

Yeah, right. Come on she thought, Sesshoumaru would rather kiss Jaken, apologize to Inuyasha for everything that has passed, heartily accept him back into the family and consider humans equals than speak from his heart...hmmm...perhaps the situation is looking hopeful??

"I hardly remember that day." Sesshoumaru...what a charmer. But this was his little way of getting back for those puppy-dog eyes. Score one for this Sesshoumaru. Now why was he having such a hard time taking his hand away from her wrist?

Why you baka for brains...getting back at me, huh...you pig headed, stubborn, pompous, flu- A/N: ok kiddies let's just censor the rest 'cause she's about to use the "F word" again.

"Sesshoumaru-sama? Has anyone ever told you that you really have a way with words?" she asked, her voice trying to equal his own bored tone.

"Perhaps, though they have not lived to tell about it."

"Ah. Point well taken..." Now take your damn hand away before I burn us both to a crisp. How do you take your Sesshoumaru-sama ma'am? I'd like mine well done, thank you.

Sesshoumaru kept on staring at her as he was having a very hard time trying to identify that look in her eyes. He could hear her heart beating faster every second and it certainly did not help to slow his own. Suddenly, he took his hand away from her wrist and brought it up to her head, tucking her hair behind her ears so that he could get a better look at her beautiful tomato face. He absent-mindedly began to stroke her hair but the eye contact remained unbroken. The situation, beautiful and serious to the core, complicated itself even more as his head slowly lowered closer to hers. Just a few more inches and his lips would touch hers. It seemed perfect...

WHAM The door crashed open.

"MAAAAASTEEEEEEER!" Jaken cried hysterically as he lunged himself onto the stunned lord's kimono and cried his eyes out on the fabric.

Sesshoumaru simply sat there, his hands now at his sides, where they belonged mind you, expressionless but angered beyond words. Of course, there was nothing left to do but conceal his feelings with a look of indifference but Jaken was going to pay for this...dearly.

"Oh Master! I was so worried... I thought you were dying! I had no idea what this stupid human was doing to you-"

Of course, some are not as careful in concealing their anger as others...And for a human, Rin had a very impressive growl.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Watch it Kermit (A/N: sorry, couldn't resist again:)" she forced through clenched teeth. This can't be happening...please tell me that Jaken didn't just interrupt us in a wonderfully embarrassing moment and he isn't begging me to squash his worthless life with my bare hands...

"Shut up brat! I know you haven't been giving master any peace so why don't you just make your unworthy self scarce and lock yourself in your room."

"Now hold it right there u little leech, didn't I threaten...er, warn you about this downstairs?!"

Hmmm...now this was getting good. Letting his own emotions surface would just be too risky for the now interested demon lord but hey, if Rin wanted to have a go at killing Jaken then he sure as hell wasn't going to get in her way. He knew he'd hate himself for admitting it but he couldn't help thinking That's my human... Make your Sesshoumaru-sama proud.

"You assumed I would listen to your meaningless babble? Especially when it concerns the welfare of my master?"

"Talk to the hand you overgrown tadpole!

"Talk to my staff you weakling!" he said raising his staff at her and attempting a spell of some sort.

But Rin was ready for it. In an instant she grabbed the staff in one hand and grabbed Jaken by the neck in her other hand. He was kicking and cussing for all it was worth but it was too late. Rin walked out onto the balcony and looked off to the distance.

Hmmm...well, that swamp will have to do...

"I hope you can fly you bug-eyed baka. Humph!"

One Jaken toss and staff swing later, Rin qualified for the Regional Baseball Team of the Western Lands. But seriously folks, the little grasshopper "Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'd" his way across the lands to where it would definitely take him a considerable amount of time to buzz his way back.

Rather proud of herself, she went back into the room with a final huff to a somewhat surprised-but-trying-not-to-show-it demon lord.

"I am impressed." He said simply and looked away.

She blushed but, unfortunately, the mood had already been completely ruined so there was only one thing left for her to do before getting to bed- her own bed, on the floor. Yeah...so let's all calm those raging hormones.

"I must immediately jaken-proof, jaken-ban and de-jaken-ify this room."

About an hour later, her task was completed and the grounds were secured. No evil toadmen would ever get near the room without Rin knowing it. But this day had taken a lot out of her. She was pooped. Noticing that Sesshoumaru had his eyes closed and was breathing peacefully, she crawled into her own bed and let sleep take her. It was no easy task at first, considering the fact that there was an abundant amount of things to think and dream about but sooner or later, the sound of her even breathing filled the room. Rin was dead to the world, in a manner of speaking.

After waiting a while just to make sure, one golden eye slit open and then another. The 'predator' slowly crept towards his 'prey'. He crouched down to lift her up into his arms and place her in his bed. Honestly, the thought of his human sleeping on the floor...how absurd. After he had settled her in successfully without waking her up, he sat and merely stared at her, enjoying this rare peaceful opportunity.

What do you dream about Rin? Who do you see? Maybe he didn't want to know...but he could swear that he did. His thoughts trailed on and on, always leading to the same conclusion: him and Rin were two peas from the same pod. Well, ok maybe that was stretching it a bit. Maybe they were from totally different pods but fate had somehow managed to put them together in their own pod...alone...except for Jaken, of course... Thus the only conclusion can be: they are pod people.

It took him only a few more moments of deliberation but without further ado…

It is a risk, he thought, but I, Sesshoumaru, will not back down from this challenge. I will explain it to her in my own time. and with that, he set a nice pair of fangs on her neck...

* * *

Rin, for once in her life, woke up before Sesshoumaru. It was difficult at first to understand where she was and why her body felt comfortable but then she noticed that she lay in the bed rather than on the floor. Oooo...Goosebumps...pleasant ones. But it was neither nightmare nor mental discomfort that had shaken the girl out of her peace. Something on the side of her neck was killing her; it itched- bad! It was useless trying to sleep it away. She placed her hand on her neck and felt around for the exact source of the pain. It was then that her fingers felt two not-so-small holes. She flew out of the bed and ran to the large mirror in her room. She had been bitten! What a way to start a morning...

"Kyaaaaaa! Sesshoumaru-sama!!!"

She ran in a panic to sit next to his sleeping form as she shook him gently out of his sleep. Perhaps it was not the best of ideas but there was nothing else she could think of.

"Sesshoumaru-sama wake uuuuup."

He cracked an eye open and put up the most beautifully bored look imaginable. Ah, such a priceless picture of indifference. Makes a girl wanna get up and...whack him with something...something really heavy.

"Look!" She said pointing to her neck getting teary-eyed. "I knew we had a pest problem in this place, and this time, I don't mean Jerk-en... it itches like crazy!"

Sesshoumaru forced himself to exercise the utmost self-control in this situation. Well, well... now this was a very unexpected reaction.

"It is nothing. Do not touch it."

"Nothing?! Sesshoumaru-sama look at them! I'll be lucky if I can find corks big enough to plug these things! I bet this was all that little green roach's doing! Somehow...He bit me in the night or something...Why that-" the rest of her speech came muffled as a clawed hand wrapped itself completely around her mouth and pulled her back into a lying position. Her back was facing him and his hand remained. It was just too damn early in the morning to be bitching. But his hand didn't leave her mouth even after she had shut up. This was getting annoying. What to do...? Well, what would any of us do in such a predicament? Of course she bit him! And damn hard too...

He tore his hand away without a sound but the attitude was there. Sitting up and pulling her up with him, she was spun around to face him as he took her face in his other hand, squeezing her cheeks until her eyes bulged open and her lips squished together and puffed up vertically. She became a fish- an attractive fish, but it was a fish nevertheless. He squinted his eyes and studied the girl for a while with a displeased/un-humored look on his face. But deep down, come on, we all know he's amused.

Without releasing her from the rather aquatic position, he sighed, trying to sound angered/disappointed.

SIGH "Human... Where did this Sesshoumaru go wrong?" he asked rhetorically.

"UNG? IOWOW" She tried but it was useless.

And for the first and probably last time this year (Rin was sure), the lord let out something that resembled laughter. Sure enough, it was! Actually it was more of a brief, deep chuckle but let's not concern ourselves with technicalities.

Like I said, Rin thought, Demons!...weirdos...all of them.

* * *

A/N: Feeble ramen...flee before me before I devour thee. I'm sooo full. I just had a phenomenal amount of ramen. I would disgust Inuyasha. Ok folks, time to review and tell me how much u like ramen too! Oo...that rhymes.hmmm... 


	5. The Talk And Why There Is Always A Plan

A/N: Hey there kiddies!! This time, I'm really gonna keep it short. I thank you all for those wonderful reviews and the attention that you have given this story. I hope ur all still around n reading because now we're gonna have some fun. Hopefully, that is. I hope this chapter is enjoyable. Rin! To the Fluff-mobile!!!  
  
******************  
  
  
  
Rin was still dreaming as she lay on the bed with her back turned towards a certain demon lord who was also sound asleep. It had been too early in the morning when she first felt the pain in her neck and brought herself out of peaceful slumber. Don't you just hate when that happens? But the pain had died down eventually and going back to sleep seemed the only natural thing to do. Anyways, it's not like one can really argue about it if the lord gives you a silent command before closing his own eyes once again.  
  
  
  
But all this thinking about marriage had been plaguing her mind and the newfound closeness with lord Fluffy-at-heart was certainly not helping. Her dreams twisted and turned with her confuzzled emotions until she was brought back to the image of herself, half a decade ago, to when she was about 12 years of age.  
  
  
  
She saw the very day that Sesshoumaru and the Green Mosquito had taken it upon themselves to teach her the ways of life, more specifically, the nature of man and woman. Ah yes, the mind boggles. Her shock in learning what she was to be educated in that day was so great that she couldn't help herself. She decided to conceal the fact that she already knew almost everything there was to know about the so-called "birds and the bees." In fact, the one thing that she didn't know was why on earth it was given such a misleading title when it had nothing whatsoever to do with birds -or- bees.  
  
  
  
But that is all beside the point. The point here is that Rin had known for a long time. She had learned much from her mother before losing her. Fortunately, neither Sesshoumaru nor Jaken knew this... and she really admired her lord for having the courage to attempt to explain such a concept himself. Thus begins our dream/flashback, (A/N: do not fear the white light a' glowing yonder).  
  
  
  
Oi...these things make me nauseous...FLASHBACK*******************  
  
  
  
"Alright you little brat, are you ready for the important talk Sesshoumaru- sama has prepared to give you?"  
  
  
  
"Sure I am you ugly little-"  
  
  
  
"Rin."  
  
  
  
"Sorry Sesshoumaru-sama. You wish to speak to me about something?"  
  
  
  
"Yes. Sit." Rin sat down, trying not to burst into hysterics while Sesshoumaru slowly paced around in front of her, looking as calm and arrogant as ever, completely confirming the fact that he was one nervous youkai. Good God what a turn on... Sorry, that was author interjection, not a 12-year-old Rin comment.  
  
  
  
He hardly bothered to bat an eyelash before beginning.  
  
  
  
"This is a serious matter Rin, pay close attention."  
  
  
  
"Of course Sesshoumaru-sama." *He really doesn't know what he's getting himself into...hehehe...*  
  
  
  
"In your human opinion," he said trying not to sound too sarcastic, "where do babies come from?"  
  
  
  
*Oh boy! What a way to plunge in! Well, you asked for it Fluffy-sama.* Rin blushed over and over again. This was going to be better than she had first anticipated. Hehehe... *I wonder if I could get away with it...Hmmm...He won't be pleased if I trick him...But then again, he's hardly ever pleased with anything.* There was only one way to test the waters of his patience and by golly, she took it.  
  
  
  
"Oh Sesshoumaru-sama that's an easy one! Everyone knows that babies are delivered by white crow demons! They wrap the babies up in furs and carry them in their beaks to the mothers and fathers that are waiting for them."  
  
  
  
"Idiot humans," humphed Jaken before he was squashed by Sesshoumaru's foot. And there he lay, twitching and caked to the ground, for the better part of this vital conversation.  
  
  
  
The lord's dissatisfied expression never changed and he resisted the urge to twitch himself. *I shall have to start from the very beginning.*  
  
  
  
"Rin, tell this Sesshoumaru, what is the difference between a male and a female?"  
  
  
  
"Well Sesshoumaru-sama, females have longer hair and I suppose they get stung by something because they grow these funny bumps on their chests. Males, on the other hand, have shorter hair. They also get stung but it's different because they get funny bumps on their-"  
  
  
  
"ENOUGH," he said. The word came out loud and hurried and he clearly was not amused. *Time for Plan B.* He looked away from her trying to keep his facial color at a normal level.  
  
  
  
"Listen carefully. As males and females grow older, their bodies, thoughts and emotions mature. They do not get stung. They do not get bumps." He tried to choose his words carefully.  
  
  
  
"Then what's wrong with me!?" she asked sadly as she, to Sesshoumaru's horror, looked down pointedly at her chest.  
  
  
  
Deep down inside, a very hysterical Rin was laughing herself to tears. *The older they get, the more gullible they become... how sad...hahaha...*  
  
  
  
"Nothing is wrong, you are growing!" he stated angrily, indicating that that was the end to that question. He was angry. How typical.  
  
  
  
Rin now thought back to his original question and decided that she really wanted to hear Sesshoumaru version of where babies came from. Author sighs. What people will do for a little entertainment?  
  
  
  
"Say, where -do- babies come from Sesshoumaru-sama?" She asked looking one- hundred-percent innocent and a little teary-eyed at the same time.  
  
  
  
"From mistakes made by imbeciles who have nothing better to do than produce miniature versions of their imbecile selves." His voice demanded no further inquiry on the subject.  
  
  
  
"Eh?"  
  
  
  
Seeing that they had hit a rather solid dead end, the lord decided upon a different approach.  
  
  
  
"Rin, do you know what the baby will be if one parent is a youkai and the other a human?"  
  
  
  
"Hmmm...Oh, I know- your brother Inuyasha!" His eyes squinted even more, and Rin urgently corrected herself. "I mean...a... mistake! Yes, we get more mistakes."  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru smiled coolly. "Exactly. Well done."  
  
  
  
*You've got some nerve! Humph. I'm glad I learned all this before he had a chance to brainwash me with this rubbish. I should be the one giving you 'the talk'..." She decided that her next question would be something he had very well earned.  
  
  
  
"But Sesshoumaru-sama, if your brother is only half a demon, then what are you? Are you half demon too?" Jaken gasped and cringed on the floor, waiting to be blown away or disintegrated. This human was suicidal.  
  
  
  
*Score one in the Rin vs. Baka match ladies and gentlemen.*  
  
  
  
Sesshoumaru pulled himself together and ignored the completely idiotic suggestion that -he- the Lord of the Western Lands could -ever- be considered a disgusting hanyou. *She is a human, she knows no better,* he told himself over and over again while he regained his composure. Onto the next topic.  
  
  
  
"Rin, there comes a time in every human's life when he or she must marry, or so I have heard..." he carried on, making it painfully obvious that the mating habits of humans were of no concern to him.  
  
  
  
"But Sesshoumaru-sama you're not married!"  
  
  
  
*TWITCH* Through clenched teeth and fangs: "I-am-no-human."  
  
  
  
"But you look like one most of the time!" She continued and now he was really getting angry. Damn this was fun. But she didn't want him to go berserk just yet so she decided to cool things down a little.  
  
  
  
"Except you are much more handsome than any human could ever be Sesshoumaru- sama." She smiled and for the first time, unleashed the power that is puppy- dog-eyes on the unsuspecting youkai. His expression remained solemn but the faint pink of blush was evident. *She thinks I am handsome, eh? Well...No harm in speakig the truth.*  
  
  
  
"So why haven't you married yet?" She questioned now with genuine curiosity.  
  
  
  
"Demons do not marry, they mate. Marrying is a human concept which I will discuss for the sole purpose of your education."  
  
  
  
"Well then why haven't you mated yet?"  
  
  
  
The personal question stunned him for a minute. What difference did it make to her? And how to answer this difficult question?  
  
  
  
"There is no need."  
  
  
  
"Well I never want to get married."  
  
  
  
*Is that so...* he thought now a bit relieved although he did not know why. One questioning eyebrow rose. "Why is that?"  
  
  
  
She smiled innocently. "There's no need!" Her expression changed to one of reflection. "But what if later on I do want to marry and I want to marry a youkai, Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
  
  
He rolled his eyes upwards, annoyed that she had apparently missed the previous half of the conversation and slightly angry at the thought of her wanting to marry at all. Why wouldn't she want to stay with him to the end of her days? Whoa. Where had that thought come from!  
  
  
  
"There is no 'what if' as that demon will most likely not wish to marry you."  
  
  
  
"Eh?" *Baka-sama, are you trying to tell me something?*  
  
  
  
"Let us continue. Now, when a male wishes to mate, he goes about this by ignoring the female's objections, as they are merely a game and simply claims the female as his. It is at this point that no other male can touch her, if he values his pathetic life. Am I making myself clear?"  
  
  
  
*Well this is certainly interesting. You insult my intellect, you really do.* "Ok Sesshoumaru-sama. But what happens if that female really doesn't love the male and doesn't want to be claimed?"  
  
  
  
"If she has been claimed already then she will have a long time to learn to like it."  
  
  
  
"And if she has not been claimed?"  
  
  
  
"In that unlikely event, she will do everything in her power to distance herself from the male and once she realizes that it is a useless attempt, she will quit her foolishness and learn her place."  
  
  
  
*That makes absolutely no sense.... You really need to get out more.*  
  
...  
  
  
  
"Oh. I understand. But this is what youkai do."  
  
  
  
He put on a wordless "so?" expression.  
  
  
  
"I need to know what humans do."  
  
  
  
"The exact same thing in a much more simplified manner so that their minute brains are not overwhelmed."  
  
  
  
"But Sesshoumaru-sama not all human males get the females they want."  
  
  
  
"And that is due to their lack of strength and authority in dealing with their females."  
  
  
  
"Oh...well what about love?"  
  
  
  
"What about it."  
  
  
  
"Wouldn't it make things easier if the male and female loved each other?"  
  
  
  
"Hardly."  
  
  
  
"Why?"  
  
  
  
"You needn't concern yourself with that."  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama? How does the female know if the male loves her?"  
  
  
  
"If she is not a complete simpleton then she will know."  
  
  
  
*You have no idea what you're talking about do you...* "I'm confused...What if a human wanted to marry you Sesshoumaru-sama? What would you do?" She asked (for future reference) in all innocence, wondering what his response would be.  
  
"I would consider pitying that human."  
  
*Hmmm...I'll remember to throw that in your face someday you overgrown child.*  
  
  
  
He turned away, looking bored. This conversation was going nowhere in a hurry.  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama, have you ever fallen in love?"  
  
  
  
"No." What was with all these lovey-dovey questions?  
  
  
  
"Well now I understand then." She said simply, turning the conversation back around to him. "Mama always used to tell me that it is very important to share your life with the one you love. If you've never fallen in love then that's why you've never marr- er, mated." *And the odds are that you never will, you baka.* She stated proudly. *En garde! you meanie...*  
  
  
  
Now this was curious...How could a girl who supposedly couldn't differentiate between men and women speak so intricately about the concept of love, which she should know nothing about.  
  
  
  
"What would you know of love."  
  
  
  
*Probably more than you, you furry -BEEP-* Rin brightened up and went to scrape Jaken off the floor. She then took the green pancake along with her as she embraced her lord tightly.  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama, even though me and Jaken despise each other on the surface, deep down inside, somewhere... unreachable... I'm sure we -like- one other... at least a little bit. Nevertheless, Jaken loves you very much because you are his master. I love you because you saved Rin and you look out for her. And you love us because we're your family. Right?" With puppy- dog-eyes in full gear she looked up to the lord as a child looks upon his/her hero. And all things aside, that's just what he was to them, their hero, their Sesshoumaru-sama.  
  
  
  
His expression changed only slightly but Rin could hear his heartbeat getting faster. That was all the answer she needed as she let go of him and threw Jaken back down to the ground. She then walked to the door ready to go to her own room, as there were more important things to do.  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama, thank you for the talk but I'm very happy my mother told me all these things a long time ago. I appreciate that you tried. But...if you ever have kids, please let someone else explain it to them!" And with that she bolted through the door.  
  
"What..." Sesshoumaru stood with a blank/perturbed face. He had gone through all that, for nothing? So much for Plan B... Still, the magical melody of furniture being disintegrated in the adjoining room could be heard by the content 12-year-old who stood on her balcony, silently watching the stars.  
  
END OF FLASHBACK  
  
  
  
Rin opened her eyes but remained quiet and in thought. *He cares about me...but he doesn't love me. Even if he did, he would never bring himself to marry me. And to think, our children would be half-breeds. Eep! Somehow, things don't seem to be looking up for me. Those stupid girls...* She thought back to the two girls at the stream and the conversation they were having. *They can have their stupid marriages. Like I care...humph... Damn these things still itch...* She brought her hand to her neck and began scratching the wounds once again. One second later another hand was calmly placed over hers and removed it from the scratching position, laying it on her side. Sesshoumaru then took his hand away and lay still. He was wide awake but also deep in thought.  
  
  
  
*I have claimed you Rin. It has been to my advantage that you do not remember the significance of the marks. It gives me time. You are now more bound to me than you will ever understand. But I will choose the time and place to tell you this. Perhaps when you are older, perhaps sooner than that. I do not know. For now, it will remain my secret. I must be sure of your feelings so that I may deal with you accordingly before I make it known to you that you have become...my mate.*  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama...it itches. Isn't there any way to heal them?" She said not turning around to face him.  
  
  
  
"No. Do not touch them."  
  
  
  
*I got the point Fluffy...sheesh* "Ok." Like I always say, some things are just better left unsaid. But then again, it's the thought that counts. Hmmm...  
  
Yet what is a story without a little complication? That's right...what better time for our friend "The Voice" to enter than now?  
  
  
  
*Rin. Miss me?  
  
I'd love to  
  
Sigh. I am so under-appreciated.  
  
But let me tell you why-  
  
Young lady, you will be eternally grateful to me once you have heard what I am about to say.  
  
Surprise me.  
  
I intend to.  
  
....  
  
That little dream you had a moment ago, isn't there a part of it you are forgetting?  
  
No...I don't think so...why? Are you doubling as my memory now?  
  
Sigh...Why do I even bother?...I believe it went a little something like this: "Sesshoumaru-sama, how will the female and others know if she has been claimed or not?"  
  
"Youkai leave their marks by biting into the necks of their chosen mates. All other youkai can sense these marks. They are permanent."  
  
"Oh. I understand. But this is what youkai do......"  
  
Etc. etc...Do you remember now?  
  
Yeeees...You're right. Now that you mention it, I -do- remember something like that. Heh, funny...I had almost forgot that random little piece of trivia.  
  
Rin. You and I have a communication problem that must be dealt with. Quickly.  
  
Eh?  
  
Think about what I said, it should process sooner or later. Goodbye- for now!  
  
***************  
  
But perhaps that little piece of trivia was not so random after all. Rin paused for a moment and snapped out of her daze as her smile slowly melted into a tight line of fury and her eyes became beady little holes that looked rather menacing.  
  
*I...have...been...claimed. Without... my... consent. I... have. not...been... told... that... I... am... claimed. Let's see, do I rip his hair out, pluck every last hair off of his tail until "Fluffy" is no longer an acceptable nickname, scratch his eyes out, bash his non-existent brain in or have Jaken chained to him for the rest of his youkai existence? Hmmm...All of the above...and not in this specific order.*  
  
In her frenzy, all turned red as Rin contemplated what her next move would be. It was not so much anger as it was disappointment that she felt. We all know of her deep feelings for Sesshoumaru but what hurt was that he had taken it upon himself to claim her without her consent at a time when she knows nothing of his feelings. Not to mention the tiny fact that he had not told her what he had done. She felt violated and was getting ready to violate him...badly.  
  
  
  
*Just pray that I don't go all vampire on you when I bite off -your- neck you- CENSORED- Perhaps it was time for Plan B*  
  
  
  
She sprang off the bed and stood at the side, pointing a finger straight at him...no, not that one... The way that she had jumped off was enough to disturb the lord out of his 'slumber.' She looked angry. Scratch that, she looked furious. It was going to be one of those days again. Not good.  
  
  
  
"HOW DARE YOU!"  
  
  
  
The blank look on his face was enough to prove to her that he had no idea what she was ranting and raving about.  
  
  
  
"THESE!" She yelled pointing that finger at the marks. He paled. His face remained solemn but it had definitely paled. Mornings bite, excuse the pun.  
  
  
  
"WAS I ASKED? NO! WAS I TOLD? OF COURSE NOT! WAS I PREPARED? NOT IN THIS LIFETIME!" With the next part her voice got even louder: "AND DO YOU KNOW JUST HOW MUCH THESE DAMN THINGS ITCH?? I DOUBT IT!!!!"  
  
  
  
Her breathing got faster as she tried calming herself down. In the meantime, Sesshoumaru, now that his little secret was out in the open, tried to mask his hurt by covering it up with anger. How dare she insult him in this manner? He had made her his mate, she had every reason in the world to be happy...unless... Had he so drastically misunderstood her feelings for him? How could this be?  
  
  
  
"Perhaps you are not worthy after all..." he said angrily. He was very hurt but there was no way he was going to let that on to the likes of her.  
  
  
  
She was a little calmer now...but not much. "Listen Mister, you aren't on my good graces at the moment, so don't make it worse!" And on that final note, our main character started crying. Seeing her in tears was enough to break his heart all over again and he made a motion to get up but she was quicker.  
  
  
  
Through the tears, she still managed to speak harshly: "Bad dog! Stay away from me!" Sesshoumaru stood dead in his tracks now angrier than ever whereas she had stormed halfway across the room when the main door suddenly flew open.  
  
  
  
*WHAM* "Sesshoumaru-samaaaa! Your faithful Jaken is back at last!" he cried. But now was really not a good time.  
  
  
  
There was something very different in the air that Jaken felt the moment he entered the room. Strange...it almost felt as if... no, that was impossible. Innocently, Jaken hopped next to Sesshoumaru and tugged at his kimono.  
  
  
  
Curiously, he asked: "Sesshoumaru-sama, did I miss something?"  
  
*******************  
  
A/N: Let us say a prayer for Toadman please. *silence* K that's good enough. This is humor people so this is as serious as this fic will ever get. Hey, you were all forewarned so don't nobody be complaining or I'll thwunk you:) Sigh...poor Jaken...poor Sesshoumaru, he's gonna be in the dog- house now, excuse the pun...poor Rin... I think she's lost touch with reality... Oh well, can't be helped...Or can it? Dun dun dun... Stay Tuned! 


	6. His Baka Is Worse Than His Bite

A/N: Tis a sad night for Inu-yasha lovers across America my friends. After tonight's episode, Inu-yasha will be re-started from the very beginning. Now I don't know about you all but before I start to dish out my "hand guide to verbal violence," I'd like to point out both the positive and negative aspects of this .circumstance, shall we say. To think positively, people who have not had a chance to see the first batch of episodes will now have the opportunity to do so and I'm sure that another horde of Inu- yasha followers will spring up. Wait a sec, I was listing the positive things right? Right... Anyway, we are being given a second chance to tape, copy, in other words, do what we will to the episodes of this anime that we are bound to. Yay. Now, let me get to the negatives... n watch that first step, it's a bitch of a kerplunk! What the hell?! I mean, in Japan they are past episode 100. I am thoroughly disappointed at the fact that we seem incapable of getting past the first season. I'd think we'd at least be close to halfway through. DiLLiRgA is dismayed. Thoroughly. Luckily there is such a thing called downloading and (once again thank you to the absolutely fantastic people who helped me solve my viewing problems) if you can't wait then it's the good ole net to the rescue. Isn't it always so? That's a rhetorical question everyone. In other news, you DVD lovers will be happy to know that the 3rd Inu-yasha DVD: Fathers and Sons has officially been released today. I pre-ordered mine so I should be receiving my copy any day now. Ah- the wonder that is online ordering :) Now one last piece of info before y'alls hands start twitching to the right side of the screen. I've been thinking that some very interesting art could come from this fic, ne? Come on peeps, isn't there anyone out there who will take my challenge and attempt to sketch some of the scenes that have taken place? I dare, no, double dare you!:::)  
  
*...* is thoughts "..." is speech  
  
****************  
  
Who ever knew that the loud-mouthed Gherkin would leave such a stain on the carpeting. Someone would have to take care of that later.  
  
When he had entered the room at what was a rather...inopportune time, all was silent save for the innocent chirping of a sacrificial cricket that fate had led astray. That cricket is no longer with us... the author needs to clean the bottom of her shoe. But let's get back to the situation at hand.  
  
Using Jaken's entrance as the perfect distraction, Rin had stomped her way through to her room and, with as much respect to her door as she could display, slammed it shut. When I say slammed, I say that with as much sensitivity as humanly possible. Of course, it's not like Sesshoumaru couldn't get in if he wanted to but, come on people, it's the principle of the thing that counts.  
  
And just what is going on inside the heads of our two hatebirds? Let's find out.  
  
Sesshoumaru's POV  
  
*I'll be damned if I let her get the upper hand once again. How dare this...this...-human- reject me, Sesshoumaru? I must say that this is beyond even my comprehension. -Sigh- I detest this. I am in a state of utter confusion. Yet there is another feeling besides that...Rin, how dare you give me such a headache? I would have told you... in time... maybe... someday... if I felt like it. This will not do. Not to worry, this Sesshoumaru never fails to get what he wants. What is it that I want? Very simple... But first, I must prepare myself for battle. Earplugs will be in order... A new door will need to be purchased... Where are my katanas?...Going in that room unarmed certainly won't do... *  
  
And the list went on and on as General Sesshoumaru prepared for Operation: Humble the Human. He really wasn't sure what the outcome would be but it was obvious that Rin's little vow of silence wasn't doing much to further their relationship. The one they didn't have, that is.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the room, Rin was having a wonderful conversation with her current favorite person: herself. Matters needed to be sorted out in her head before she could literally start sorting out a certain youkai who had the balls...er... audacity to bring this burden upon her.  
  
Rin's POV  
  
*Just who do you think you are you fuzz for brains! Honestly... You'd think the guy would get a clue by now and say something- anything - emotional! For Heaven's sake, it's not like it's that hard! Just say: Rin, I love you... no? Well how about: Rin, I care for you deeply...still no? Oh Hell, even 'Rin, I like you and considering the fact that I have not disposed of you yet, why don't I just spare us the hassle and claim you?' would be good enough!! But no... Not for this Rin... She only gets: 'Here, let me prove to you how sure of myself I -really- am (just so there's no misunderstanding) and don't be absurd. The L word shall never escape from my lips. I would sooner mate with Jaken'...shudder/twitch... Well I have had it! He is in the doghouse (excuse the pun) until he decides to clear the air in that head of his.*  
  
  
  
There was a heavy sigh followed by some more intense self-reflection.  
  
*I give up...  
  
So soon? Isn't this what you have always wanted?  
  
You...a...gain... not...now... now...not...good...  
  
Well far be it from me to leave you alone in your time of...need, shall we say?  
  
Eh? -sigh- At least somebody cares about me.  
  
Whatever gave you that idea?  
  
But- you- !  
  
Pipe down I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Besides, I know the real reason behind your anger.  
  
Oh do you now? Well please; feel free to share it with your significant other.  
  
I'll keep it brief this time.  
  
No you won't.  
  
Ehem. As I was saying. The reason behind your anger is because you are scared. You feel unprepared for the responsibility that was placed upon you without warning. Am I good or what?  
  
Eh? For once you've said something intelligent...and, though I hate to admit it...you're... ah... well... you know...  
  
I do?  
  
Fine! You're right damn it! I -am- scared and that's because I wasn't prepared! I don't even know how he feels... and just what's to become of me if he doesn't love me? I've already been claimed so it's not like anyone else would ever get near me... not like I would want them to anyway. But do you see where I'm going with this? Probably not but let's pretend that you do for the sake of argument. All I wanted was three simple words: I-love- you (A/N: spoken in a very Ka-go-me like manner). But no... Instead His Highness chooses to go with the unspoken phrase: I've-claimed-you. Have I pissed off a higher power lately?  
  
Woman... cease your whining, you're giving me/us- a headache.  
  
Aiii...Do you have any idea how much these things itch?  
  
*Sigh with a dash of sarcasm:* Possibly.  
  
Seriously, though, am I supposed to be going through a rash phase or something? Or maybe after all these years of hanging around the top dog his fleas have finally decided to latch onto me. What do you think?  
  
Oh my. You must seriously be distressed if you are asking my opinion. But don't let it be said that I'm not the root of your wisdom and common sense-  
  
You're the root of -something-, that's for sure...  
  
For some reason the thought of dog demons having fleas does not do much for me. And, personally, even my imagination can't cope well with the thought of the master and a pest problem. Of course, now that I think about it, it does depend on the kind of pest we are talking about now, doesn't it. Hehehe...  
  
You're a real jackass, did you know that? But I'll let it slide this once and assume that you were referring to Jaken.  
  
Oh that's right, there's Jaken too. I had completely forgot about him!  
  
You sorry excuse for a conscience, I'd get better comfort from the green leech!  
  
Well, I can see my work is done here. Another problem handled to the satisfaction of all. Until your next depression, goodnight, don't let the bed bakas bite!!*  
  
*Oh my... I'm punning myself. What a sad, sad day. But, somehow... I'm not all that upset anymore. How can I be? After all is said and done, no matter how much I rant and rave, I still love the mutt. And I've had the test of time prove to me that this is the real deal, not simple puppy love. Oh my, such creativity going on here. The puns just keep on coming. I need answers. I deserve them. Then again, if we all got what we deserved one of us would have turned human by now and be made to suffer...repeatedly... Like I say, one can always dream. Oh well, what has Sesshoumaru always taught you my girl, though he hasn't been aware of it? That's right- never back down from challenges! To my death I go!*  
  
Rin was walking to the door slowly when she stopped about two feet away from it. What was that smell? Burning wood? But before you could say "oh-no- you-did-NOT", that loveable hunk of timber, once a respected door, was now a loveable pile of ash and green goo.  
  
Rin let out a little whimper as her teary gaze and frown never left the pile on the floor that she had once so lovingly called Sesame. Don't ask.  
  
Meanwhile, our Lord was a little taken aback. She seemed to be showing more affection for the door than him and the situation at hand. How...disturbing. Of course, the thought of Rin standing so close to the blasted thing while he was 'making an entrance' was certainly not helping. It was time to communicate. Now. But the author can't help but comment that who ever said 'no more drama in our lives' certainly never encountered 'the Young and the Doorless' and almost definitely lacked a sense of humor. Where were we... Ah yes... Let us submit ourselves to the chaos that ensued.  
  
Rin lifted her teary eyes to look upon his face. There was a very distinguished frown that she sported, making her look very much like herself at the age of eight. Such happy times they were...  
  
"You killed him." she said with a saddened and low voice. Her bottom lip seemed to tremble a bit.  
  
But it wouldn't work this time. His un-amused/serious/bored and any other non-chalant slashes that you can think of expression never changed.  
  
"You are not to walk out like that ever again." *That's right. Watch in humility as this Sesshoumaru lays down the law.* "You will stop this nonsense and act like the woman you will inevitably become- though you struggle to remain otherwise." *Teenagers these days. What is to become of this world...*  
  
*You have some nerve! And to think, I was about to come and make peace with the likes of you? I'll be damned if I let you get the upper hand you- you- ...un-nice murderer!* "How dare you attack my defenseless door, barge in here and insult me! I- "  
  
"Quiet. You are forcing me to the limits of me patience."  
  
"And -you- are forcing me to the limits of my sanity!"  
  
"Foolish child- "  
  
"Thaaaaaat's it! You did it! You used that 'c' word again! Un-claim me thiiiiis instant!" But foot-stomping will get you nowhere.  
  
Now this was a little too much. It hurt, big time. Was she really that against the entire matter? So much so that she wished she had never been claimed in the first place? What a blow to the pride. And what a misunderstanding. As the author, I try to refrain from making comments but man, I just can't help it. What a pair of idiots.  
  
Sesshoumaru's teeth clenched in anger and he frowned in frustration. Slowly his eyes took on a reddish color and the transformation began. True, this is a room in a castle and as we know, they tend to be rather big. But not that big. Unfortunately, one does not think of the technicalities in times of crisis, until, that is, the ceiling and walls transform themselves into rude reminders.  
  
Through the unshed tears and her own bitter frustration, Rin couldn't stop the small giggle that escaped her lips as she watched the Lord turn back into his more human-like form before he had even gone completely canine. He was not pleased, which made the matter that much more entertaining.  
  
"You find this funny."  
  
*Oh bite me (shameless, shameless pun intended) you transformation- challenged youkai.* She merely shook her head left and right but the smile was a dead giveaway.  
  
There was but one thing left to do. And you'd best believe that it was done. Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed even more (if that is at all possible at this point in time) and he grabbed her by the back of her kimono with a single hand, lifting her a good foot off the ground. With a startled 'eep!' she started kicking and screaming, he started walking with her in his hand, trying to scratch, push, pull, bite and once in a while negotiate her way out of his grip. Apparently this particular youkai was not only hard of hearing but pretty damn scratch-resistant as well.  
  
"Put me down right now! Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaaaa! (A/N: reminiscent of those childhood days) You've gone crazy, I know it! I said put me down! Come on Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaa! Ok, let's make a deal, you put me down and I'll promise not to yell 'baka' until I pop a vein or bust a lung? Ok? No? Sesshoumaru-samaaaa-aaaa-aaaa!... Where are we going anyway?"  
  
"Somewhere out in the open so that I may deal with you accordingly. Now be a good girl and remain QUIET!" That last word was yelled. It got a very hasty 'yip!' in response. Well well... the things a little volume can do.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama..."  
  
"What."  
  
"When will they stop itching?" She asked innocently.  
  
"When you stop chattering."  
  
She had to giggle at that one. He was so decidedly un-amused by anything that it actually passed off as adorable to her. In an I'm-going-to-look-at- the-funny-side-of-things-because-that's-all-that's-left-of-my-sanity sort of way, that is. It was wonderful the way that he could say things of that sort yet reveal to her the real meanings and emotions that lay hidden behind the words. This was one of the things that made him special. This was one of the things she loved about him. Either that or she was just dilusional.  
  
He let her down rather unceremoniously but she chose to overlook that minor detail as she dusted herself up off the ground. They stood face to face and for the first time, Rin noticed that her master looked...upset? That couldn't be right. But it was there, masked behind the arrogance and the coldness. And bit by bit, it started to break her heart.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama? Why have you brought me here?"  
  
For a while he didn't answer. It took a lot of faith and another huge chunk of courage but he had hardly considered the words in his head before they left his mouth without warning.  
  
"I give you a choice. Walk down that path ahead and you may leave. It will give you your freedom and whatever else it is you desire. I say this, you may leave or you may stay. But I believe your decision is obvious since you have so violently objected to being claimed."  
  
She stood for a while, speechless. He was really serious, wasn't he. This was shocking...to say the least... A small smile crept onto her face and she took a deep breath...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama..." That small smile faded as quickly as it came... "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! You really can't wait to get rid of me can you! Did you hit the ceiling too hard? Well let's get one thing clear right now, I'll be damned if you think that I'll just leave, marry some human and be miserable for the rest of my life. If you do think I'd be stupid enough to do that- and by the look on your face it is clear that you do- then that's all the more reason for me to stay and make -your- life miserable! I'm not leaving and there's nothing you can do to get rid of me! Of all the nerve... Humph..."  
  
She folded her arms across her chest, lifted her nose as far as it could go and humphed her way back home, slowly but determinedly.  
  
"Of all the idiotic suggestions...A few little fights here and there and he can't wait to ditch me..." she grumbled... and grumbled... and grumbled.  
  
Meanwhile, she left behind a very humored Sesshoumaru, who could only stand and smirk.  
  
*That's my human... Her style of thinking surpasses even that of my own and despite this, she still makes the right choices...every once in a while.*  
  
Snapping back into reality he continued after her. He had a special conversation planned for later that evening and they were going to learn how to communicate...man to woman, youkai to human, Fluffy-sama to Rin- chan; one insult at a time.  
  
*****************  
  
A/N: Hope you all liked this chapter. I want to thank everyone who has reviewed thus far and to those of us who read but do not review. Love ya all! Ramen-y goodness forever!!!! 


	7. The Wild Wild Western Lands

A/N: I'm putting the author's note at the end so you all can get on with the story without strangling me:)  
  
Disclaimer: The violent Jaken-bashing belongs to me. The 'Voice' belongs to me. Other than that, the only claims being made in the story are from Sesshoumaru-sama to Rin-chan. And we've all seen where -that's- been getting them...  
  
**********************  
  
Walking back home is never as harmless as it sounds, now is it? That was another rhetorical question. Rin's nerves needed soothing so she did something that was actually quite a frequent occurrence. She decided to take the road that went through the village on her trek home. Seeing other peoples' problems would no doubt take her mind off of her own and she would be back to being her chipper self in no time.  
  
Sesshoumaru, walking at a steady pace, was quite a distance behind her. She had stomped off and he honestly couldn't be bothered to exert himself so unnecessarily. That is, until he caught the direction of her scent. She was headed for that damn human village again. Oh my...  
  
Rin strolled along slowly, trying not to pay attention to the gasping and whispering villagers who cringed away from her. She hated when they did that. You'd think they'd be used to it by now.  
  
Random Villager 1: "Oh no...'Tis her! Rin-Sama...This can only mean..."  
  
Random Villager 2: "That it's that time again...here we go. But we just finished repairing the damages from the last time THEY passed through."  
  
Villager 1: "Everyone! Gather every tool in sight and be ready!"  
  
"Hey! I heard that!" *Idiots. It was only about eight houses. As if -I- had anything to do with it. Can I help it if Fluffy-sama goes on a rampage every now and then?*  
  
ENTER: THE VOICE. DUM DUM DUM.  
  
*Need I remind you that you provoked him last time?  
  
Oh what do you want now? I'm busy getting on his nerves at the moment.  
  
I rest my case.  
  
Yup. Any minute now he should be showing up trying to get me out of the village.  
  
And you are proud of this?  
  
Hehe...Quite.  
  
Have you no shame?  
  
Listen you, I'm way past that point so spare me the 'everything's-your- fault-and-you-know-it' speeches. I'm angry and he's going to suffer through every minute of it until I'm happy again.  
  
Hmph. I'm not saying a thing. Not one single word. In fact, I'll be leaving now but I'll be sure to deal with you later when all this is over.  
  
You're leaving me without any insults? You're losing your touch!  
  
On the contrary my dear. No insult could do you justice at this moment. But if you insist...  
  
What gave you that idea? Ok, if you leave now I promise to let you deal with me later  
  
As if you had a choice you simpleton  
  
Right. As I was saying, BYE!  
  
Sigh. What did I do to deserve this task? The fates are cruel indeed. But I am crueler hehehe...until next time you little baka gone bad.*  
  
*What did she mean by 'but I am crueler'? Oh well...* And she turned her attention back to the quivering villager.  
  
"Ehehehe...no offense to you Rin-sama. It is always a pleasure to see you in the village. It's just that...well...Oh goodness, here comes Sesshoumaru- sama! Everyone! Man your tools! This is going to be a nasty one by the looks of it."  
  
Rin squinted. Who in their right mind would be afraid of that puppy? She was getting more peeved by the minute. And this, my confused readers, only meant one thing: they were gonna have another go at it. Sadly enough, this village has a long history of abuse and it doesn't take the brightest crayon in the box to figure out which two people the abuse can be attributed to.  
  
Rin stopped in her tracks. She was in the right mood to deal with him, after that little "leave or stay" spiel, that is. She could *feel* him coming closer ands closer. She turned around and sure enough, there he was, standing, looking utterly pissed/ disgusted at having set foot here-again. All fell silent. Tumbleweed rolled by. You figure it out.  
  
"Rin. We are taking the other road." *And if you dare to disobey me -* Too late.  
  
"No!" *Why must you test my patience so? Do you gain something by it?*  
  
"No?" *Is she disagreeing with me? I, Sesshoumaru, do not understand this. She dares to defy me in front of these low creatures?*  
  
Random Villager winces: "Here it comes..."  
  
"No! Sesshoumaru-sama, why do you always start a fight whenever I want to pass through the village? I like coming here and seeing people once in a while! You act like you're scared or something!" *Scaredy cat*  
  
"Idiot child. How dare you suggest that I, the great Sesshoumaru, should fear anything, especially such a small gathering of incompetent filth!"  
  
*Did he just call me an idiot? Hmm...perceptive, aren't we.* "Are you calling me an idiot? Well it takes one to know one!" And just to add to that display of maturity, she stuck her tongue out at him. You go girl.  
  
"You are far more trouble than you are worth. CHILD."  
  
*Dude...sticks and stones may break my bones but your words, are gonna make me hurt you.* "Stop calling me that! I know you're only doing it to provoke me and I won't let you!" *So there.*  
  
*You challenge me? I accept.* "I call you that because you refuse to stop being one- CHILD. Do you still wish to disobey me?"  
  
He was snarling at this point. In fact, so was she. "If you call me child ONE MORE TIME-"  
  
He was ever so calm about it, which made it all the more satisfying. "Child. Pup. Young one. Little girl. Infant." *I believe I have won.*  
  
*Fine...if that's how you want to play it.* "Humph. Weakling! Feminine! Cat youkai! Half-breed! HUMAN!" *Well...that was easy. Correct me if I'm wrong but I do believe I've won!*  
  
The village population was holding onto one another for dear life, bracing for the impact. Couldn't they take their little war somewhere else? Apparently not.  
  
It was time to use a different strategy as this one was about to get violent. Well, faking indifference always seemed to work.  
  
"Enough of this. You are not enough to frustrate me. We are leaving." He turned away...but not for long.  
  
"You leave if you want to! I'm...I'm..ah" *Quick...what am I doing?* "I'm STAYING!" *Ooooh good one. What- I'm staying?! Where the heck did that come from?*  
  
More than half the village population could be heard whimpering. Rin chose to ignore this as well. But Sesshoumaru was in her face before you could say "what the-" and he looked displeased. Surprise surprise. Funny, for a moment Rin thought she could actually hear the grinding of teeth.  
  
"You are coming with me, out of this human stench before I begin to display the bloodier differences between humans and youkai."  
  
"You wouldn't dare!"  
  
He merely smirked. Holy fluffies! He was serious... bloody serious (A/N: Pun. Deal with it:) The same amount of aforementioned villagers gulped.  
  
This situation was not going as planned. Rin was tired, frustrated and angry. Thus, she chose the only option left to her. That's right, she's goin all Kagome on us now. She cast her head down and sniffed...and sniffed... and then sniffed some more. Sesshoumaru was on alert. She wouldn't dare pull such a stunt! Would she? You're damn skippy she would...  
  
"Stop."  
  
Sniff. Sniff.  
  
"Rin. Stop that."  
  
And the sniffs just keep on comin. It was definitely time to panic.  
  
Sesshoumaru the Great sighed inwardly, repeatedly. He felt like every sniff was being hammered into his head (think Staff of Heads connecting with Jaken's head). But let's throw Sesshy a bone and have him do the right thing for once:) What to do, what to do?! He slowly wiped away a tear with his thumb and before he knew it she was clinging to him. *Gets him every time.*  
  
Would Sesshoumaru blush? Or is this author barking up the wrong tree? Well, he didn't blush and showing affection in front of all those damn villagers was not something he relished. Nevertheless he hugged her back. (A/N: audience goes: Aaaawwww/ Kawaiiiiiiiiii). And ladies and gentlemen, that's why there's nuthin but love in the Western Lands.  
  
The villagers gave up on understanding at this point and several of them waved little white flags in the air.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama...let's go home. We don't have to go through the village." She looked up at him from her huggy position and smiled sweetly. This seemed to please him. They parted, already missing each other but damned if they'd let one another know and started to head out of the village. They were almost out when all the villagers simultaneously exhaled in what came out as a triumphant "PHEW!"  
  
Sesshoumaru stopped and slowly turned around. In an instant, a glowing, yellow whip-like substance collided with a few of the closest establishments...just for good measure:) Hey, everyone has their own way of saying goodbye so I don't wanna hear it. Rin just sweatdropped and quickened her pace.  
************************  
  
Once at home, we find that Sesshoumaru has revived Jaken for the sole purpose of having him annoy Rin. What can I say, some youkai are just born this way.  
  
***********************  
Pacing just isn't quite what it used to be. For one thing, it's impossible to wear out the stone floor and form a little trench in which one can hardly maneuver... so where's the fun in that? Such was the question on Rin's mind as she determinedly tried to wear out the carpeting instead. But the laws of writing, not to mention the universe, only permit solitude for so long, hence the knock on the door. Or maybe it was pounding. Whatever it was, the door flew open and there stood a very alive Jaken facing a very wide-eyed Rin... think old western-type showdown with the cheesy music in the background. Fur was getting ready to fly. Tumbleweed was getting ready to roll.  
  
"Roach."  
  
"Runt."  
  
"This room ain't big enough for the both of us."  
  
"So why don't you be a good human and leave...?"  
  
"This is my territory! It's my room partner, you leave..."  
  
"How dare you, you no good piece of human- AAACK!"  
  
And Rin was off. In one quick motion she had stolen the staff and was now aiming it at a gawking gherkin. She couldn't help the small smirk that made its way to her face as she said:  
  
"Do you feel lucky?"  
  
Jaken could only gawk some more.  
  
"Well, do ya?" A moment of silence. "I didn't think so.hehe."  
  
But perhaps Rin forgot another law of the universe.or maybe it was the fact that she had forgotten to question the author's sanity. One can never be too sure. Yet the fact remains that even little green men have good reflexes and Jaken was able to dodge the flames that burst through the head on his staff aimed at him. Unfortunately for Rin, she should have made sure that no one was about to enter through the door at that moment. Poo on you, Rin... Poor Sesshoumaru-sama... There's just something very wrong about the smell of cooked dog mingled with fillet of fur.  
  
"Eep...?" She tried as her face went sour and something told her that this evening was just destined to get worse. Now where on earth would she get that idea?:)  
  
His "I'm-going-to-hurt-you" expression never faltered (does it ever?) and his gaze didn't leave her face as he dusted himself off very slowly and proudly.  
  
"We have much to discuss." *And you had better follow me downstairs if you know what's good for you* was the unspoken yet still existent command he worded ever so nicely before turning to walk off.  
  
Rin simply gulped. *Oh boy...why me? Why can't I do anything right? All I wanted to do was hurt Jaken.just a little.is that really so wrong?* There there, Rin. It happens to the best of us...  
  
But speaking of Jaken...  
  
"Where do you think you are going Jaken?"  
  
"Downstairs Sesshoumaru-sama...?"  
  
"Remain here."  
  
"But- but- Sesshoumaru-samaaa! Who knows what that stupid human could do to yo-AACK!"  
  
"Now get lost toad! Sesshoumaru-sama and I need to talk," she said as she kicked him back up the stairs. But, of course, she had managed to mutter a small warning before she did so and it was in the form of: "Jaken if I so much as *sense* your leechy presence downstairs I'm going to use *you* as a shield when Sesshoumaru-sama decides to use me for target practice. *Sigh* Got it? Good. Now-"etc. hence the kick.  
  
Had His Almightiness heard that? If he did he made no indication. He just kept on walking. *Why do I have a bad feeling about this?* Because nothing good can ever come of the author placing this much emphasis on the two main characters being alone together. That's why.  
DOWNSTAIRS***************  
  
They sat facing each other. When has that ever been a good thing? Anyways...that is not the point. Rin was on edge. She hadn't done, or said, for that matter, much to be proud of these last few days. She really had tried not to lose her cool with him...but man, he just made it so simple. Besides, he had been trying to get rid of her! Right? RIGHT? Right! *Be calm, Rin. Get mad only when necessary and no matter what, don't let him get the upper hand.* A little self-motivation, even if it is a tad misguided, goes a damn long way. You guys just have no idea.  
  
"So...Sesshoumaru-sama..."  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama? Is it not a bit late to attempt respect?" And thus began the next round. He was being playful but it really wasn't bringing them any closer to anything...author sighs.  
  
*Humph. Quite the pretty-boy tonight, aren't we now? I won't let you get to me...I won't be the one to initiate an argument... for once, you'll have nothing to blame me for.* "I'm sure I don't know what you mean Sesshoumaru- sama," she said tight-lipped. *Jerk.*  
  
"Indeed."  
  
*Hey, are you actually going to try to get somewhere with this conversation or are you purposely trying to piss me off?* "Was there anything in particular you wished to discuss?" *Like maybe the fact that I'm claimed and you have yet to profess your love or ANYTHING to me?*  
  
"No."  
  
*Damn you.* Rin's face darkened and her eyes squinted in annoyance. He was doing it on purpose just to get her riled up. And he was doing a damn good job. *Must. Remain. Calm. Must. Keep. The. Peace.*  
  
"You look rather..."  
  
*Oh goodness, here it comes! Beautiful, charming, sweet, pleasant, anything!! Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue!*  
  
"Tense."  
  
*I hate you. Tense? That's the best you could come up with? That's it. My patience can only go so far, dog-boy. I'll show you tense.* "Tense? You think I look tense? Sesshoumaru-sama, are you purposely trying to aggravate me? I am not tense! And if I am tense it's because you're making me tense! So stop it!" She pouted. She looked very childishly sweet when she pouted. Simmer down child, simmer down...  
  
"Rin, why do you feel it necessary to quarrel with me every moment?" *Especially when you should have no hope of winning the argument.*  
  
*Wow. Good question. You got me there... Maybe it's because you disappoint me sometimes... I never hear what I want to hear from you... but then again I can't really blame you for things you don't feel or say, now can I...* "Sesshoumaru-sama you have your own way of arguing with me too so don't pin this on me alone."  
  
*The human has a point.* (Not to mention two horns on her head and a pitchfork). "What is it that you want, Rin?"  
  
*Well where do I start?* "That's a very loaded question Sesshoumaru-sama. What do I want in what respect?"  
  
"Do you wish to be un-claimed?"  
  
"No. I didn't even think it was possible to be un-claimed. Why would I want to do a stupid thing like that?"  
  
*Well this Sesshoumaru is baffled. Females are not to be under-estimated.* "Continue."  
  
*Here goes nothing.* "I just want to know why you claimed me and...and...well, um...does this mean that we're...ah...you know..."  
  
*I do?* "..."  
  
A pause...and the volume gets louder. "Damnit does this mean that we're mates?!" *Phew. There, I said it. Oh well, can't take it back now.*  
  
"Perhaps."  
  
*Perhaps? Are you serious? For heavens' sake can I just get a yes or no answer for once in my life please?* "Perhaps?" *Who the hell answers 'perhaps'?!!!*  
  
"I have been having my doubts." *For once this Sesshoumaru has the upper hand.*  
  
That did the trick. Except it was the wrong trick. "Doubts? Is that so...well then, do you know what this Rin has to say to that, Sesshoumaru- sama?" she asked as sweetly as possible. She pointed a finger straight into his chest. No, not that finger. "WHO THE HELL WOULD WANT TO BE MATES WITH YOU!!!!"  
  
Sesshoumaru 'yipped' as he quickly gripped his poor youkai ears, nearly falling over backwards from the sheer force of the scream. Rin was gone, probably halfway to Hokkaido by now. The upper hand had gone as quickly as it had come. Poor Sesshoumaru-sama. All he could think was: *What did I, Sesshoumaru, say?* How the hell should I know? I'm just the author. Nobody tells -me- anything.  
  
Meanwhile, Rin was on the roll of her life upstairs. She wanted, no, NEEDED to hurt something. I ask you, my faithful audience, what you think it was that our little Rin-chan did next. Let me give you a clue:  
  
"JAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
***********************************  
  
A/N: Hey guys! Well that took me forever and a day now didn't it?:) Rhetorical question! But I must admit I'm rather proud of this chapter. It went well. I hope it was enjoyable. Anyways, the votes have been tallied up and the winner is: LONG. The story will be long. God help us all. Concerning this chapter: using some ideas that were suggested I decided to have our little friends "duke it out" (as bigwooshin called it;) in front of a terrified group of villagers (kira, hope you liked that;). An immense THANK YOU to everyone who read and reviewed and to those of us who just read and still refuse to review:) What would I do without you guys? Probably carry on elsewhere with my insanity. I have so much to say yet such little energy. Stay tuned! Anyways, I better quit before I start punning you all to death. I must save that for the poor defenseless characters. Maybe I should also put up a violence warning for the next chapter. Kukuku:) 


	8. Love To Hate &What the Heck's That Smell

A/N: Ok, so anyone who is a lover of Sessh/Rin reaaally needs to check out episode 96. It was absolutely adorable. Is anyone else as angry as I am about the fact that there have been two InuYasha movies and not one of them has been officially released in the states yet? I have the first one (which has absolutely TERRIBLE translations) but only I know the amount of suffering I went through to get my hands on a very condensed summary of the -second- movie. Gee, I guess if we're lucky then it'll be released 2 years from now. DiLLiRgA points finger at life...yeah, THAT finger. What else... hmm...oh yes: I'D JUST LIKE TO TELL YOU, MY AUDIENCE, THAT YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF FRIGGIN GENIUSES.I SWEAR THOSE REVIEWS CRACK ME UP:)))) HONESTLY, MY REVIEWERS HAVE MUCH BIGGER & BETTER IMAGINATIONS THAN I EVER COULD. YOU GUYS ARE HILARIOUS.  
  
"...." means speech, as always.  
  
*...* means thoughts  
  
Disclaimer: Sigh... One can always dream...  
  
****************  
  
DOWNSTAIRS (Sesshoumaru wanders in thought and is somewhat lost, perhaps because it is unfamiliar territory...)  
  
Oh God Almighty, was there no winning with this wench? Not with this author there isn't. The lord's ears ached.and he was pissed. He had only meant to ruffle her feathers a bit...who knew she'd go all... feminine on him... Sheesh...women.  
  
*Rin. For this Sesshoumaru it seems the battle has just begun...and it is clear that one of us will not make it out alive. It matters not. We will simply have to do without Jaken for a while.* Hehehe. What? You didn't think he was thinking about killing Rin did you? Poo on you, faithful readers.  
  
And just what the hell was Rin doing upstairs? Well, let's just say that she was hating as opposed to appreciating.  
  
"JAKEEEEEEEN!"  
  
"What is it you moronic wench!"  
  
"Why you stupid pea mutation!" *BONK* This year's Jaken will be sporting a very fashionable bump on his ugly green head. No Rin, Jaken won't look attractive no matter what you do. Now, I hate to say this, but Jaken wasn't going down without a fight. Oh Lord...  
  
"Stupid witch! Just because Lord Sesshoumaru doesn't pay you attention doesn't mean that you'll get any from me- AACK!!" Tsk Tsk. Perhaps that wasn't the best choice of words at the moment. Alas, for the battle for the Staff of Heads had already commenced. It was a chaotic mess of arms and legs pushing and pulling, neither side willing to let go. Of course, the fact that the Staff of Heads seemed to have a mind of its own and kept firing flames every now and then certainly wasn't helping.  
  
"TAKE THAT! NINTOUJOU!!!" It's a good thing Rin ducked. And it's a bad thing that Jaken wasn't looking at where he was aiming. Rin tried to stifle her chuckle, she really did. But right now, she couldn't make up her mind as to which was funnier: that fact that Jaken was about to make another trip to the netherworld or that Fluffy had gotten roasted- again.  
  
Silence. The sound of a lonely cricket chirping. A ninja-like author with shoe in hand sneaking up behind that damn insect. SQUASH! Hehe. Gotcha.  
  
*Honestly, did you have to kill him in my room? He's got his nasty blood everywhere!* (Not the cricket, people, we're talking about Jaken:) "Ewwwww... icky," she said as she carefully stepped over the stains, meanwhile refusing to look at the Lord. She walked over to her bed, climbed on and put her hands behind her head, humming a little ditty to herself whilst still ignoring the second 'entity' in the room. Yes, it was official: Rin was just chillin'.  
  
*You dare to ignore me? We shall see about that.* "I do not recall giving you permission to leave the discussion Rin." *Wench.*  
  
*Oh so it's like that now, huh?* "Actually, I don't recall asking for any Sesshoumaru." *Oops. I'm sure I meant Sesshoumaru-sama. Oh well.*  
  
"I am several hundred years your elder, you will address me with the proper title." (A/N: yeah, let's get some R E S P E C T up in here).  
  
*This I am aware of, you damn cradle-robber* "So basically you're not done insulting me, is that it? You're just inventing new ways to call me a child. Why don't you just- " *go turn into a human or something* "just...just leave me alone." She didn't yell that last part. What was the point anymore? We've already established that his ears work.  
  
At this point in time, the youkai really couldn't bother anymore either. If that was the way she wanted it, then so be it. He did have better things to do. Well... ok fine so maybe he didn't but anything was better right now than putting up with her. So, he did what a lot of men have perfected the art of: he started to leave (A/N: no offense to my male audience, I've got nuthin but love for all of you:)  
  
*He's.he's.leaving??? What the-! How dare he leave! You're not supposed to leave! No!..I'm sorryyy..I think. come back you idiot!.* "Wait!..I...don't leave Sesshoumaru-sama." Sesshoumaru stopped dead in his tracks but didn't turn around. A small smile formed on his face but disappeared in a mere second. *This is why I, Sesshoumaru, am undefeated...most of the time.* Damn that hanyou for tarnishing Sesshoumaru's otherwise flawless track record (just kidding:)  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama? How about we finish our discussion?" *I suppose I won't give myself a hernia just yet.*  
  
Sesshoumaru sat down and Rin did the same thing, facing him. Although, she had failed to notice that the pile of Jaken goo was strategically placed behind her and the smell was now starting to make her dizzy. She chose to ignore it for the time being, even though her stomach was doing some impressive somersaults.  
  
Sesshoumaru initiated the conversation with yet another one of his charming statements.  
  
"I do not know why I put up with you." *I do...but I will be damned if I let you know, especially after that display downstairs.*  
  
Rin just pouted and looked down into her lap. *Geez, add insult to a girl's injury why don't you...* "I'm sorry..."  
  
"I highly doubt it so do not bother apologizing."  
  
(A/N: well f*** you to you too buddy).  
  
*Gosh I feel sick... why the hell is everything starting to blur?* "Sesshoumaru-sama..uuh... I really don't feel well."  
  
*Do not dare to pull such a stunt on me now.* "What is the problem." *I will not fall for it.*  
  
*Oh lord.someone stop the damn room from spinning please.* "Oh geez I must be dying.that smell is killing me." KERPLUNK. She fell forward, onto him. And before anyone can say what the !$#&?%, Fluffy has beaten you to it. Calm down people, she's alive, just fainted. The smell that she had referred to was Jaken's blood. It had no affect on Sesshoumaru as he was the farthest thing from a 'weak human' as you could get (damn him) but apparently Rin shouldn't have been exposed to it for such a duration. Figures the damn frog's blood would be toxic for a human... he's plaguing Rin even from the beyond. Ah, persistence is the key.  
  
Sesshoumaru sighed mentally. Life (or the author) really needed to give him a break. He picked the wench..err..girl up, carried her into his room and placed her on his bed. She wasn't going to be very pleasant company when she woke up.  
  
******************  
  
SEVERAL LOOONG HOURS LATER.  
  
"Ahhhhh..." she groaned with her eyes still closed. "I feel miserableeee." *and if anyone, and I mean ANYONE gives me doodoo right now, I'll make sure that they feel ten times as miserable as I do. You've got the Rin-chan garuantee on that one. What the heck happened to me?*  
  
"You are awake." *Foolish wench...I am relieved.*  
  
"KYAAA! Geez don't do that Sesshoumaru-sama!" *there goes another 10 years from my life. Thanks Fluffy.* "What happened?"  
  
"Jaken's blood seems to be toxic for weak humans such as yourself."  
  
*That stupid little- I'm gonna have his ass when he we resurrect him.* "Oh... How long have I been out?"  
  
"Long enough." *I have been bored senseless.*  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama, you looked after me this whole time?" *Fluffy-sama you had better say yes...*  
  
"Yes." *Of course you idiot. What did you expect me to do?*  
  
*Hah! I knew I was doing -something- right. Mind you, I didn't know what, but it worked nevertheless!* "Sesshoumaru-sama...thank you." *And THAT was genuine.* His hand was right there, just begging for her to make her move. Come on, a little physical contact -needed- to start happening and, frankly, it couldn't make matters anything but better. So she inched her own hand forwards...slowly...bit by bit...  
  
*What the heck am I doing?*  
  
*What does she think she is doing?*  
  
*I want to hold his hand dammit...or die trying*  
  
*I only have one hand left Rin, you would not dare to inflict damage to it.*  
  
And suddenly...she held his hand in hers. There now...that was rather painless wasn't it? The Lord took a good moment to analyze the situation at hand (A/N: pun alert!). What's a demon to do now? Well folks, coincidentally, Rin was pondering that very same question.  
  
As fate (or the author) would have it, the door suddenly decided to fling open with a loud BOOM.  
  
"KYAAAAAA!" she screamed, lunging herself onto the freaked-out-yet-never- faltering lord of the Western Lands. *What in the seven hells was that! Damn, there goes another 10 years of my life! What the heck am I clinging to? Ooooh... well... whatever came through that door, I should thank it later on hehehe...* Careful to remain in Sesshoumaru's arms, or how about we make that singular, arM, she tuned her head around to see whom she owed her luck to. Sigh... It had to be -him- didn't it.  
  
Meanwhile, Sesshoumaru had not the opportunity to enjoy the close contact as he eyed the infiltrator. *To think that I, Sesshoumaru, am ever so naïve as to keep resurrecting you Jaken, is something -you- shall regret.*  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama!!! Please milord, do not let that human poison your judgment! I- "  
  
"Silence Jaken." *Else you shall leave this earth for a second time tonight.*  
  
Rin just smirked and stuck her tongue out at him. *Honestly toad, not even you could make me move right now...mental sigh*  
  
"Jaken. Leave. See that you do not disturb me again tonight."  
  
Now Jaken really knew better. He did... So he left... but in his twisted little mind, tomorrow was another day and Rin was going to feel every minute of it...Kukuku  
  
Meanwhile, back in the room... some major hugging action was taking place. Neither one nor the other moved... hell, Rin was trying to stop breathing. She was nervous- they were making forward progress for a change!!! Sesshoumaru was having a mental episode: should he savor the moment? Should he take advantage of it? Should he leave it be and just keep it at the 'hugging level' for now? Hell, -I'd- like to now what he's planning to do.  
  
Rin decided that they had filled their silence quota for the day. She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up into his eyes. (A/N: jeez I feel like breaking out into song:::)  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama?.."  
  
He turned his head to the side to avoid her gaze. Of course... "Rin. Perhaps you should go to your room and rest."  
  
She clenched her teeth. "No...I think I like it here just fine..." *Oh crap...guess I said that out loud...*  
  
*Good girl* "It was not a question. It was a request."  
  
Rin just smiled and lowered her head back onto his chest. And she made damn sure to hold onto him tighter. "Sesshoumaru-sama... if you make me leave now, I will personally make sure that Jaken is physically attached to you till the end of your days."  
  
"Rin."  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"You are not to leave tonight. That is a request."  
  
*Hehehe... there's a good doggy.*  
  
Rin just smiled, all the while thinking that she had gotten her way and felt like she was in heaven. If she had bothered to look up, she would have seen the look of utter victory on the lord's face, as he thought: *Ah...tis a very effective method this reverse psychology...*  
*************  
  
SNIPPET FOR NEXT CHAPTER:  
  
It was time to address the 'mate issue'  
  
*Because I love you, you pompous jerk.* "Why do you ask Sesshoumaru- sama?"  
  
*Foolish human...I love you.that is why.* ".."  
  
A/N: Yeah I'm evil... bite me:) Did this chapter actually have some fluff? Good God I think it did! Well... at least I tried...don't hate:) Btw, living on a ramen diet definitely does wonders to a person... now I'm not gonna say whether these wonders are good are bad but...let's just say that my stomach has been cussing me out for the last half hour. Shut up down there! (screams at stomach, which seems to be growing outwards rather than slimming down). Come on guys, review! PS- Keep using your imaginations when you review.it's the funniest stuff in the world:) LUVS- DiLLiRgA 


	9. Jiminy Cricket Conspires & Why Conscienc

A/N: I just drew a chibi Sesshoumaru sucking his thumb and another of him sitting down. Now I may be wrong, but I think they look damn cute:) Anyways, I know you might not read this but hell, I'ma write it anyway:) IMPORTANT: this chapter contains a spoiler, I apologize. Do look forward to the next three chapters that are being worked on at the moment. I refer to them collectively as: The Cake Trilogy:  
  
PART 1- That Takes the Friggin' Cake PART 2- Now Take the Damn Cake back PART 3- Having Your Cake and Eating It Too  
  
Once again: "........." means speech, *........* means thoughts.  
  
Wise words from DiLLiRgA: "Love thy reviewers, for in their wit, thou shalt find thine inspiration." (can I get some church music goin' please)  
  
*********  
  
Wrapped in such a warm embrace, the author decides that it is the prefect time to address the 'mate issue,' which has long gone unnoticed. But alas it seems that the conversation was destined for a different path. Let us observe.  
  
Sesshoumaru bent his head down a little to look at the girl in his arm(s) (A/N: whatever floats your boat). Why did he put up with her? Better yet, why did she put up with him? Difficult questions to answer, these were.  
  
"Rin."  
  
"Hmm. Yes?"  
  
"Why is it that you do not fear me and stay?"  
  
*Because I love you, you overgrown puppy.* "Why do you ask Sesshoumaru- sama?"  
  
*Foolish human...I love you. That is why.* "......"  
  
"Who knows Sesshoumaru-sama..." And with that they settled into a comfortable silence once more. Mind you, the hugging/clinging (depending on how you looked at it) remained quite in tact. And all was peaceful. That is, until...  
  
*Rin. Guess who.  
  
I wouldn't want to strain myself  
  
Well why didn't you say so! Tis me, your better half.  
  
Ahem. That's arguable...sooo... you wanted what?  
  
Global domination...but that's beside the point...  
  
Sigh... I must be possessed.  
  
Possessed is such an ugly word...think of it as being GIFTED.  
  
Ah yes gifted...what was the name of that monk who traveled with Inuyasha? His powers were amazing, or so I had heard. Maybe I can get him to chug a few scrolls at me so that I can get rid of my 'gift.'  
  
Huh.such cruel words from such a simple mind.  
  
Takes one to know one.  
  
Enough! Let's discuss the current situation shall we?  
  
Now? Can't you see that I'm rather...busy?!  
  
Ok ok don't get your kimono in a bundle! I'm only teasing. I just dropped by to remind you that I'm not going -anywhere.- Take care and remember: I'm watching your every move!!! Ja!*  
  
And with that she was gone. Again. To return at a later and hopefully more inopportune time. But alas, for Rin was in a state of confuzzlement. *Seriously,* she thought, *I gotta find a way to get rid of her. What if...what if...oh no...what if several hundred years from now, when Sesshoumaru confesses his love to me and we start to do -ahem- 'mately things,' she shows up in the middle of it?!!! (A/N: thanx Greater-Beast Xellas!;) It's, it's...it's unthinkable is what it is! Not to mention downright creepy. Shudder...Wait a minute... How long am I planning on living anyway? I wonder if this whole mating thing means that...Ohhh f*ck a duck... I know that's what it is... I'm bound to him until he dies. Great, when he goes down he's damn intent on taking me with him. Why that son of a b*tch...literally...that's so......romantic:) He CAN do something right once in a while. I wonder how old he really is? Hmm...*  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama...ahh...can I ask you something?" *They say there's no time like the present.*  
  
".........." *This had better not have anything to do with the ornament I carry on my shoulder.*  
  
*I'm taking that as a yes.* "Just how old ARE you?"  
  
"Old enough" *I highly doubt you wish to know. I wish that I did not.*  
  
*Huh...my fault for expecting a normal answer.* And now it was time to ask a question that she had been dying to ask for a good oh, 10 years. About damn time. "Ok...um...next question: that time when Kagura kidnapped me, why did you save me?" *Especially when I have been informed by an anonymous source- cough... Jaken...cough cough- that you couldn't be bothered to save a human girl...this better be good.*  
  
*How dare you question my judgment.* "Would you have rather I left you with her? Perhaps you would have been happier with that filthy human boy." *Hmm...interesting. She has developed a rather impressive growl...*  
  
*Are you dissing Kohaku!? Why I oudda...* "You leave Kohaku out of this! I want a real answer, why did you save me!?" *One wrong word and not even Buddha will be able to save you.*  
  
"I did not wish to let Naraku have his way...especially with something of mine."  
  
*Ok, I can work with that sentence...hmmm.* "Grrrrr...someTHING? So I'm a -thing- now? Is that ALL?"  
  
".........." *Shit. Damn it all...wrong answer again. Is it possible that I, Sesshoumaru, am cursed?*  
  
!!!DUN DUN DUN!!! Ladies and gentlemen, I humbly present to you, someone who needs no real introduction...drum roll please........and enter upon the scene: Sesshoumaru's very own......... VOICE!!  
*Yes darling I do believe you are...  
  
! Who are you that you dare enter this Sesshoumaru's thoughts?  
  
Cut the crap darling. Let's just say that I'm your...better half...think of me as a conscience- of sorts.  
  
Indeed. Would you care to explain why you are female? (A/N: Kukuku:) welcome to Sesshoumaru's personal hell:) What? Gotta love this DiLLiRgA's insanity, or as I like to call it: mutlidimensional thinking).  
  
Some questions are better left unanswered honey. Now, I see that you are having some problems with your little female friend.  
  
This is none of your concern. Now leave this Sesshoumaru's head at once.  
  
I'm afraid I can't do that sweetie. You see, I don't take orders...from ANYONE. And I come and go as I please. Hmmm, remind you of someone? (A/N:Kukuku)*  
  
Rin glared at him. He didn't seem to be listening. What the hell was wrong with this picture? There was such a small gap between them that it was to be taken advantage of. Rin carefully lifted her hand and started knocking on his head.  
  
"Helloooo. Is there anyone up there?"  
  
Of course, this displeased our lord, snapping him back into the world of the living. "What do you think you are doing?"  
  
Just checking to see if you're understanding or at least listening to what I'm saying."  
  
But before she had even finished her sentence, Sesshoumaru's 'significant other' made a comeback. As if she'd gone anywhere.  
  
*Darling, I think she just wants a little love and attention.  
  
Refrain from speaking if not spoken to.  
  
My my, aren't we getting wittier by the minute!*  
  
"What do you want from me wench!" *No... In the name of the Western Lands, I know that I, the great Sesshoumaru, did not speak that out loud.* Oh but you did my dear...  
  
"What!" Rin yelled, deeply hurt. It seems that Sesshoumaru is one of those rare, -special- people who can manage to insult/anger/hurt/confuse/stun a person all at once, with just one sentence. Why on earth was he acting this way? Oh but if only you knew child. But she didn't, so she did what any normal, emotionally haywire female would do: she started sniffing... and then sniffing some more... and then we all know where this is going, don't we. Rhetorical question alert.  
  
Sesshoumaru refrained from any change in his facial features. Hey, it took him centuries to perfect that so stop the hating. But his insides were boiling. Thus his 'better half' decided to chime in once again.  
  
*Nice going fleabag. I hate it when she does that! Now what're you gonna do?  
  
Silence. I will deal with you in due time.  
  
How dare you talk to I, your conscience, that way?*  
  
"Rin, cease your crying this instant."  
  
"I...I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU, HATE YOU, HATE YOU!" *Yeah right, like hell I do...*  
  
"Your heat would suggest otherwise."  
  
*HUH? Sheesh am I really that obvious?* "H-h, HENTAI! How dare you! Let go of me! Humph." And she's off again. Where to, even this author cannot say... but not to worry, she'll be back.  
  
Let's switch back to Sesshoumaru's little ah, situation, shall we say?  
  
*Well, I must say, you certainly have a way with women!  
  
You begin to annoy me. You may leave now.  
  
Please. Don't insult me and my authority.  
  
Grrrrrr. I grow tired of this. What is it that you wanted!  
  
Now is that a question or a command, 'cause you know I don't work well with commands...  
  
Why you bas-  
  
Ok ok! Calm yourself... This was merely a welcome visit. You have nothing to fear... as of yet.  
  
Perhaps you would care to explain just why I, Sesshoumaru-  
  
Honey, cut that out, I know who you are.  
  
Silence! You dare interrupt I, Sessh-  
  
I said stop that! My, but you're a persistent one. We shall just have to deal with that later. But now is not the time. A word of advice...several actually: perhaps you had better let your cute companion cool off before you attempt some more verbal charm, eh? I will leave you at that... don't forget that I, your conscience, will be watching!*  
Well.  
  
-That- was certainly unexpected.  
  
I'll give everyone a chance to catch their breaths. What just happened? ?_?  
  
**********  
  
Rin swam downstairs amidst an ocean of tears. Damn that frustrating youkai. He had no idea how insufferable he could be without even trying. What to do?? Little did she know that Jaken was observing her as she wallowed in her misery... now would be the perfect time for what he had in mind. Yes, everyone, believe it or not, he does have a mind. Scary...  
  
"Rin- "  
  
"KYAAA!." Can you tell she was startled? "Oh. It's only you."  
  
"Stupid brat! What do you mean 'only you!'"  
  
"What do you want? I'm busy being miserable at the moment."  
  
*How convenient...kukuku.* "Listen here you, I have an idea that might be.mutually beneficial." *I shall have my revenge for all that bashing, Rin...Rest assured though, for there will be no PERMANENT damage...hopefully...hihihihi.*  
  
"Mutually beneficial...I...you...huh?? *I dun get it. What's in it for you frog face?*  
  
"Rin, make an attempt to put aside your unintelligence for five minutes." *Though I know that I ask the impossible. *  
  
"Why you little- alright! Out with it! You're just lucky that I'm curious" *And hey, it's not like I can't beat the crap out of you when I find out what you're up to...ahem: kukuku.*  
  
"What would you say if I were to inform you that I have a plan which will enable you to obtain our great lord Sesshoumaru's undying affection?"  
  
"Huh?? Say that again?"  
  
" *Incomprehensible muttering* Do you want him to love or not?!"  
  
"What's it to you?" she asked getting suspicious...and for damn good reason too.  
  
"Let's just say that I'm in a good mood."  
  
*Uh huh, yeah, right...honestly how dumb do I look? Don't answer that.* "You realize that I don't believe you... but if you want to tell me your little 'plan' then you've got my complete attention." *Who knows, you might actually have something useful to say for once.*  
  
"Good. Now listen closely..."  
  
*****************  
  
A/N: hehehe:) Yeah yeah don't complain to me about cliffhangers, you all do it to me in your stories all the time... Revenge is a bitch:) Full pun intended. The Cake Trilogy is nigh at hand! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you to everyone who has reviewed; if you would like a personal reply to your review or something, let me know, otherwise just know that I 'v read them all and you have my love. You people are -damn- funny. By the way, this story is friggin brutal to my spellcheck. 


	10. CAKE TRILOGY PART 1 That Takes The Frigg

A/N: I just love the fact that I've broken every grammar law known to man with this story. Author's eyes begin to tear. It makes me so proud:) Here is part one of the trilogy. Just know that my heart goes out to all the poor souls reading this.you are forever in my prayers...kukuku....:) I'm giving away Jaken cookies to everyone who reviews...wait, really, they're not gonna KILL you...a side effect here or there never hurt anyone;)  
  
*******  
  
Under the false assumption that someone out there actually cares, I have decided to relate to the audience what a beautiful night it was outside. The moon was full, crickets were chirping, there was not a cloud in the sky, all was peaceful... too good to be true you ask? Quite. And thus the fear of impending mayhem is inevitable. Do not ignore that strange feeling that lurks at the bottom of your stomachs my faithful readers...for things are indeed about to go wrong. How wrong, only words can tell.  
  
To recap the events of the past five minutes, Rin and Sesshoumaru had had another 'go-at-it' (no...not like that, ya perverts...) and Rin had found herself downstairs, being tempted into a new scheme by none other than our favorite imp. And there they stood as Rin listened with the utmost curiosity. They say that curiosity killed the cat, no one never said nuthin' 'bout humans.  
  
"Alright froggie, you've got my attention. I promise I won't hurt you before I hear what you have to say. Now out with it," Rin said as gently as was humanly possible.  
  
*Brat, I have you right where I want you.* "Listen here you ugly- ah... Rin... what if I were to tell you that I have obtained a special -elixir- that, if and when you consume, will change your scent..."  
  
*And I'd want to do that because...???* "To what exactly?"  
  
*Good question...I'm not exactly sure but I am assuming that...* ............ "You will smell as if you have been around another male."  
  
"Ok...now you've completely lost me. Why in the name of all that's sane in this world would I -ever- even -think- about doing that? Do you want Sesshoumaru-sama to go berserk?" *Not to mention lose the little mind he has left?! Hmm... Maybe it's best not to think that one out loud.* Good girl. The walls seem to have ears in this place...  
  
"You stupid human! Always thinking so simply. Don't you understand that this will make him jealous!? He will be confessing his affections towards you- God only knows why- in no time. He fears losing you, don't ask me why for I have spent ten years of my life trying to determine a reason." *Kukuku. If only this were true. Drink this and I have been assured by that miko- in- training that in no time you will have the most offensive scent that not even Sesshoumaru-sama will be able to stand you. It has been a pleasure knowing you Rin...well...perhaps I am lying. Sayonara Rin no baka ningen!*  
  
Payback's a full-blooded bitch.  
  
But let's give Rin a little credit, for amidst those cobwebs lies a fairly new- if somewhat untouched- brain, just begging to be used.  
  
*There must be more to this. He honestly thinks that I'm going to fall for it that easily...Jaken you stupid little heap of moving spinach...I'm gonna get you for this...whatever -this- is.* "Why oh why would you ever assume that I would trust you with such a thing? And since when do you want to help me out anyway?" She squinted her eyes at him and gave her best sideways glance.  
  
"You ungrateful wench! I go to all this trouble just to help you out and you repay me with insults and distrust! Haven't I cared for you all these years!" *If we don't count the times I've almost -accidentally- killed you, that is.*  
  
"Oh yeah you've cared for me all right...and if I know you, you'll care for me right off a cliff too... I know you're scheming something and I'm not going to fall for it!" So she performed her trademark nose-lifting ritual and waited to be convinced as to why she would be stupid enough to accept such thing. Answer: because the fates have foretold that you will Rin:)  
  
"Listen you pest, you've been causing too much trouble for Sesshoumaru-sama lately and when he's mad at you he gets violent on me. It ain't fair so I've decided to handle the situation MY way. Now, you can either take the elixir and trust me, or you can refuse and wait for Sesshoumaru-sama to get tired of killing me and start on you instead!"  
  
Rin looked surprised by that statement. Goodness knows why. "He would never!"  
  
Jaken just blinked. Rin stood there and thought for a moment. *Then again...we ARE talking about the almighty ruler of the baka lands...oh what the hell...*  
  
"Ok fine! Give me the damn thing!" Her face suddenly grew dark and the background flared with a red aura. (A/N: I paint quite a picture, don't I. Ring the rhetorical question siren.) "But Jaken you have my solemn promise that if ANYTHING goes wrong, you will not only be facing me but my friends Smash, Kick, Punch, Kill, Destroy and Annihilate as well." And then all turned cheerful once again as she smiled and said: "Ok?"  
  
Al grew silent. That child is friggin' scary when she wants to be. Jaken just gawked as she clutched the elixir from his hands and ran off in some random direction. Hmmm... perhaps this wasn't one of his brighter ideas? Nah... Everything would work out fine... doesn't it always? Hehe.......hehehehe...  
  
Meanwhile, back upstairs, Sesshoumaru pondered his new curse. He replayed Rin's sentence in his head: *I...I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU, HATE YOU, HATE YOU!* And after replaying it several more times (from different angles and also in slow motion), he came up with the best conclusion: *Yes...she most certainly wants this Sesshoumaru.* Author sweatdrops. Some people are just born optimists:)  
  
It was several minutes later that he heard the sound of someone coming up the stairs. Ah yes...it was his little minion again. She was back for another round of verbal abuse. Let us switch back to Rin's viewing.  
  
*Hahahaha how dumb does he think I am? Just because I agreed to drink this stuff doesn't mean that I'm going to be the only one doing the drinking. Oooh no sir, not this Rin. If I'm risking my life then so is he... Now, where did I last scream at him?* And thus, with two drinks in hand, she walked back upstairs to meet the second victim, er, 'volunteer.'  
  
"Sesshoumaru-samaaa?"  
  
He didn't answer her but she knew that he was there in his room, probably still holding onto his ears for dear life. That overgrown poodle. Rin decided that he needed a drink...and dammit, she was going to scream him senseless if he had the nerve to refuse... Of course we all know that when it comes to nerves, our dear Sesshoumaru-sama is not one who lacks. Ah but if we could all be like him...shudder...  
  
Rin knocked on his door and entered. It was quite difficult to see in the dark but she noticed a pair of eyes, glowing mind you, and looking her way interestedly. It was time for action. Sesshoumaru was prepared. But the attack came in a new form called...niceness? Something was horribly wrong. He cringed on the inside.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama I made us drinks. Here." This seemed the safest way to go about it. Sesshoumaru took the offered drink somewhat reluctantly and sniffed it. The smell did not seem poisonous but something just didn't feel right. Does it ever? Rin noticed this as she frowned and squinted her eyes at him in a "you'd-better-drink-that-because-your-hearing-depends-on-it" sort of way. Sesshoumaru seemed to understand and refrained from commenting. Such accomplished telepathics we have here. Well, she had said that she had made it, right? What on earth could possibly go wrong? Never ask such futile questions. So Rin sat down next to him and the there they were...just sitting...and...not speaking... enter the cricket. Enter the author and her shoe...carry on everyone!  
  
*I'm going to be bold and drink this thing. After all, Jaken doesn't have enough brains to plot something evil that would actually work. And after all, whatever happens to me will happen to Fluffy-sama too so I really have nothing to worry about, right? Right! Here goes!* Self-assurance is the key. So she downed it. AND THEN!.. nothing happened... so she continued to sit there for several more minutes... nothing seemed to change... It wasn't until she got the feeling that Sesshoumaru was, in a very guarded sort of way, sniffing the air, that she had a glimmer of hope. And what a perfect time for the author to smash that hope to inconceivable dust particles followed by oblivion. Was that mean? Ah but did I not mention the fates being cruel...  
  
Sesshoumaru felt it getting incredibly hot in the room. What the heck was going on? One minute her scent was normal and the next- it seemed to be screaming arousal. It was enough to attract every male demon from here to Cucamonga:). *What on Earth is she thinking! Such a strong scent is giving this Sesshoumaru a headache. If she keeps this up we will have every male demon in the lands trying to get their filthy hands on her. I do not wish to bother with those lowlifes at the moment. -* But he was startled out of his thoughts by Rin urging him to finish his drink, which he had obviously forgotten.  
  
Rin, of course, was trying not to smile but man, it just wasn't happenin'. She was just too damn pleased with herself for having that drink. She couldn't help but think: *This is perfect! He's starting to go red! But hey...wait a minute...isn't the color of jealousy green? There's something wrong with this picture...* No sooner had she finished her thought that she noticed him take his final sip. Now I beg the audience to realize one crucial factor: things such as elixirs and potions or whatever the Hell you're consuming, have different effects on that of the human and demon species. Unfortunately for us, Rin's thinking only went so far in this current situation. Such young minds... how fun they are to scar:)  
  
Yet they continued to sit and gaze into beautiful nothingness until Rin turned to face him. 'Twas time to break the silence. But apparently it was not meant to be as her mouth remained open, inviting precious air molecules in and out... Sesshoumaru still faced forward yet he snuck a glance at what she seemed so interested in. Funny, he never knew eyes could get that big.  
  
*What does she think she is staring at? Impossible girl...*  
  
But Rin just kept on staring and it remained this way for a good minute until she finally managed to effectively articulate her confusion to whatever God may be listening: "...Eh...?"  
  
Sesshoumaru was getting peeved. *What is this? My vision is dulling...perhaps this Sesshoumaru is tired. 'Tis strange though, her scent is not bothersome anymore...in fact, I do not smell a thing. Did she say something a moment ago? She has screamed so much it must be having a deafening side effect.*  
  
But Rin's version of events was of a somewhat different nature: *His hair... has gone...black...ok... no, I refuse to believe that -I- am going crazy. Let me look again. Okaaaaaaay so yes, it is black.* Looking up at his face she realizes: *Funny, I remember him having stripes on his cheeks...and wait a minute, didn't he have a crescent moon on his forehead? I'm confused... no, scratch that, I'm scared... Kyaaaaa anyone?*  
  
She gulped. She had no clue as to what was going on but he sure as Hell wasn't going to be pleased about this. Now that's a no-brainer. He, on the other hand, was getting fed up with her staring. "What is it Rin?" *I suggest your answer to be something in the form of a compliment. For -your sake.*  
  
"Ehehehe..." she laughed nervously... "Sesshoumaru-sama, did I tell you lately that I think the world of you?" Sh*t was getting ready to hit the fan, eyes were getting ready to squint. But really, how does one go about telling a proud full-blooded demon that he's starting to look...human? Easy- you do it one compliment at a time.  
  
He put on his "I-am-so-unfazed-it's-not-even-funny" look. Rin just gulped some more while thinking: *Right...didn't think so...* "Sesshoumaru- sama...do you ah...-feel- a little different by any chance?" True that one must always use caution while operating heavy machinery but one ought to use a ten foot pole while dealing with such a -sensitive- situation as the aforementioned.  
  
"Why?" *Indeed I do but how would a human be able to sense such a thing?*  
  
"Well...ah..." *Let's see, how do I put this gently?* "You look rather...ah...what's the word..."  
  
He arched another eyebrow and waited. *Handsome is the word you are searching for my dear.*  
  
Rin gulped one last time. "Umm...human...ehehe...you look rather human...?" She squeaked. He frowned. He took a strand of his hair into his hand and brought it closer. Yep...there was no other name for it...it was black. She could tell he was getting angry and what's worse, angry at HER. He got up and went towards a mirror. He looked, his reflection looked back.  
  
After another moment or two of silence, he calmly walked back to where Rin was sitting and sat down next to her. In that charmingly arrogant voice that he pulls off so nicely, he asked her softly: "Rin, just what was in that drink?" she looked into his eyes and her lower lip started to tremble. Enter the sniffing.  
  
"THERE IS NO CRYING!..ahem... there is no need to cry Rin." He said hastily and somewhat loudly. Hey, you try keeping your marbles in check at a time like this. But hey, she stopped sniffing and answered silently: "I...don't know... Jaken gave it to me...It's all his fault!!!" *God damn *^#$%**&&^%%$##! Oh he is sooo going to get his!*  
  
Sesshoumaru simply nodded and called: "Jaken." The faithful servant bustled up the stairs with a smile on his face...that is, until he stood before his master who, if he were a demon at the moment, would have been glowing as red as a traffic light. Jaken just let his mouth hang and his voice crack. "AA.a.a.a.a.a.a..." And in that moment of blind rage, Sesshoumaru simply took out his lethal sword Toukijin. Thus ended Jaken's life for the umpteenth time that week. It seems he is going for the record.  
  
Sesshoumaru simply turned back to face Rin and he seemed somewhat calmer. Rin just continued her gulping session. She really wished she were someone else right now. In fact, she wouldn't mind being in that Jerken's place.  
  
"Umm...Sesshoumaru-sama?...Ehehe...Jaken is the only one who knows how to undo this," she said, noticing the fact that her body chemistry seemed very male-friendly at the moment. Sesshoumaru seemed upset at this new revelation but took out Tenseiga nevertheless. He walked up to the pile o' Jaken and struck with his sword. He did this once. He did this twice. Alas, the third time was not the charm. It seems that Tenseiga had not taken a liking to his new-and-unimproved human version. He looked at Rin and, yes, Hell was in his eyes.  
  
"Ehehehehe..." Rin tried lamely, "This is a...good look...for you...??" *He's trying to growl...it's not working... poo:(... -ENTER, two gals that, as always, need no real introduction-  
  
Hello Rin dear! Guess who's here for the show...kukuku...  
  
Oh no...*  
  
*****Switch to Sesshoumaru*****  
  
*Well darling, let's face it, it could always be worse...  
  
How could it possibly be worse you imbecile!  
  
Well...I could be here to make fun of you in person...kukuku...  
  
Grrrrrrrrr...*  
  
For those of us who have yet to understand, Sesshoumaru, as a side effect of a spell that was meant only for a human, has turned 100% full-blooded human. I leave abundant room for your imaginations. Jaken was dead -no surprise there- and Tenseiga absolutely refused to work for a human. Thus there was no way to revive the sacrifice..er..Jaken. For the one time when he would hold purpose in his life, Jaken was not alive to fulfill it. Without him, there was no way of knowing how long the spell was to last, if indeed it would or would not wear off on its own (thus begging the question: do we need to find a cure for the damn thing? If one exists...kukuku:) and if further side effects were to be expected. Of course, our little minion Rin is not to be forgotten. With the heat on full blast, she was like a little bonfire, vulnerable to assault by any male demon that should desire a...mate, shall we say. If and when Jaken was brought back, he would pay. His children would pay...his entire lineage would pay. Hard times stood before our couple-to-be. On top of all this, they were alone with one another. Yep, it was just the four of them: Rin- chan, Sesshoumaru-sama and...their respective voices. Now THAT takes the friggin' cake.  
  
To be conspired... 


	11. CAKE TRILOGY PART 2 Now Take the Damn Ca

A/N: Ok, so I was re-reading the last chapter and I'm at the part where it's SUPPOSED to say "ALL grew silent," and yet, to my horror, I read "AL grew silent." So I'm thinking to myself: who the heck's Al? Now are we talkin' Gore, Pacino... Bundy perhaps? Sigh... Well, whoever you are Al, shut the hell up. ^_^ What do we live for if not to make fun of ourselves? No, I'm not really lookin' for an answer. But rest assured that my spell- check and I are gonna have words... As always, full pun intended. Oh I'm not through yet, there's another A/N at the end of the chapter. Ta-ta :)  
  
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PART 2- Now Take the Damn Cake Back Otherwise Known As: What the Hell's Wrong With Bein' Human?  
  
With full sarcasm, I implore the faithful audience to never forget that, despite what the general consensus may wrongly believe, demons in fact DO NOT take well to turning human. No, no, don't argue with me, they really don't. To turn towards a more specific example, I present to you a very, very agitated ex-demon lord and his very, very chemically-imbalanced mate- but-not-really. Have I lost you yet? Good. There seems to be a lot of losing going around... losing of powers... losing of minds... but who's counting, right? Right, you keep telling yourselves that...  
  
"Rin, you may begin explaining." As always, be he demon or human, Sesshoumaru-sama is not one to waste words.  
  
*Eh? Explain what you...you, stupid human! If I knew what, do you honestly think I'd be so...so... -friendly- now!?*  
  
Seeing the angered look on her face he added: "And refrain from making any pathetic human jokes and/or comments for I assure you that this is -not- a permanent change."  
  
Sesshoumaru was indeed looking forward to the moment when he would regain his powers. The first thing on his agenda was definitely to resurrect Jaken and then kill him again... then resurrect him again... then kill him once more... this action would be repeated for, well, let's just say until cows determined a logical reason to come home, pigs trained in aeronautics, the chicken and the egg stopped arguing over hereditary dominance and other miscellaneous farm-animals took part in life's little mysteries. But alas for we are not on a farm... 'tis more like a zoo.  
  
"I can't explain anything Sesshoumaru-sama because I'm as much a victim here as you are. I have no idea why it turned out this way!" *And for goodness' sake keep your distance unless you want me to jump you.* There, there my poor child. Just breathe.  
  
*Hmmm yes, you are -such- a victim aren't you, you poor thing.  
  
Buzz off... who invited you anyway? I've got much bigger problems to deal with now, in case you haven't noticed.  
  
Oh I've noticed honey, don't you worry... my, my but he does make a good human doesn't he...  
  
Ok... I think that drink's hit you harder than it has me... when I said 'bigger problems' I was referring to myself, not him.  
  
So what's the plan?  
  
Excuse me? You're actually planning on helping me?  
  
Why, of course not!  
  
Then why-  
  
You idiot, I just want to know your theories as to how you'll be solving these problems so that I can crush them with one swift blow.  
  
!! GRRRR. Just know this- if I go down, you're comin' aaaaall the way down with me!!  
  
I hope that that wasn't meant to be an offer I couldn't refuse...  
  
Sigh...  
  
There, there... just keep telling yourself that you're gifted...  
  
Will it make you go away?  
  
Does it ever?  
  
-Groan- Oh no...  
  
Oh yes...:)*  
  
Talking to oneself has become such a 'special' pastime... Shall we join Sesshoumaru in his futile attempts to secure his sanity? Indeed this problem needs to be settled, one voice at a time... Yet it seems that the voices... are winning?  
  
*I think we look good as a human.  
  
I do not recall asking for your input.  
  
And who do you think you're bossing around?  
  
Quiet. Curse these humans and their weaknesses... I am getting a headache.  
  
Hehehe...  
  
You are responsible for this?  
  
Oh you bet darling... do make sure you don't provoke me or a headache will be the least of your worries...  
  
Bitch.  
  
I was...when we were demon, of course. Yet here we are! Human and looking good doing it! Say, how -do- you plan on fixing this?  
  
If I were granted a moment's SILENCE then perhaps I could concentrate on a solution.  
  
Watch that attitude you stinkin' mortal...hehehe  
  
You- *  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama??"  
  
"Rin, this problem is to be dealt with immediately." *And I mean NOW.*  
  
*Yeah, I hear that one!* "But how Sesshoumaru-sama?? We have to find the maker of that elixir if we want a cure and that could be anybody! And I can't exactly go outside in this condition- I'll be eaten up!" *Afterwards of course...gulp...* "I hate to say it but in the state that you're in, I could probably defend myself just as well as you could." Ouch. Now that one hit a little below the armor.  
  
"You dare call me weak! You forget yourself, human."  
  
Now I don't know how many straws there were, but that was definitely the last one... Gosh... these people are just beggin' for fights.  
  
*I'ma forget -you- in a minute dog-boy.* "Oh I dare alright! Look at you! I bet you couldn't even beat -me- in a fight. And don't you dare make me name the person who's responsible for us being -stuck- this way!" They came nose to nose at that one. Of course, at this point in time, Rin's snarl was much more impressive. She's had practice:)  
  
"Remind me, child, who it was that served us those drinks in the first place. Furthermore, if you wish to fight, I will be more than happy to oblige you. Just bear in mind that Tenseiga is no longer an option." They remained nose-to-nose growling/snarling at one another. So much love goin' on in this room. Kinda makes me wonder why we can't just all... get along. (DiLLiRgA transforms into a hippie and tries to keep the peace...kukuku)  
  
But all this nose-to-nose, 'closeness' action, was starting to take its toll on our little minion. She couldn't make up her mind whether to jump him or thwunk some r-e-s-p-e-c-t into him. And we all know that she packs quite a punch (A/N: I realize that at this point half of the audience wishes for them to, how shall I put it, "get it on" whilst the other half wishes for the more violent kind of action. You are at my mercy. Learn to love it.)  
  
"And just -what-, may I ask, is so bad about being a human?"  
  
"You may ask." *Good luck making this Sesshoumaru answer.*  
  
"Grrrr... If you think I'm scared of you then you'd better think again mister! You're just getting your tail in a knot because you've realized that being human isn't as bad as you thought it would be." Triumphantly, she smirked and awaited the breaking of furniture. Isn't she just a little ray of sunshine? :)  
  
"You are absolutely right." *Stare in awe as this Sesshoumaru utilized his reverse-psychology skills.*  
  
"!! Eh?!" *What the-*  
  
*Works like a charm.* "It's wretchedness is far beyond even this Sesshoumaru's comprehension." He turned around and placed his swords somewhere where he wouldn't be tempted to break them...on Rin's head... and went to lay on the bed. He closed his eyes. Finally... some blissful peace and quiet... and its bliss lasted for all of ten seconds...  
  
Rin crouched down at the side of the bed, put her elbows on his stomach and her chin in her hands. (A/N: work with me here, it's a low bed.) Ignoring her is never a good way to gain a girl's affections. Not like he actually concerned himself with that at the moment...  
  
*This Sesshoumaru admits defeat... *  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
"......"  
  
"Let's give it some time... I mean, it can't get any worse, can it?" Child...you have nooo idea. But don't feel alone, 'cause neither does the audience:)  
  
This author can safely say that for the first time in his life, the Great Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western Lands, (Fluffy-sama if you're nasty:), felt like crying. He made sure to keep his damn eyes closed. What could he do? He wasn't stupid enough to risk Rin's life in the outside world and he sure wasn't going to leave her in the house/castle/whatever by herself... damn male servants running around all over the place. He would just have to wait a while for the drink to get out of his system. Rin didn't fail to notice how upset he was. Of course he would be... he'd probably rather give up his...ehem...identity as a male, than be stuck like this. She began to stroke his hair. She couldn't help it; he looked... fascinating.  
  
Feeling a rather determined spark of courage go through her, she leaned forward and kissed his forehead. *Hot. It's very, VERY hot in here. I shouldn't have done that... That was wrong!.. But a little wrong is ok, right?...* Of course, self-scolding only goes so far... or until a certain ex-demon lord pulls you towards his chest and holds you in his somewhat- strong and rather -human- embrace. It is at this point that all logic, the non-existent kind, hurls itself out the window.  
  
So it is that our dear Sesshoumaru now faced an undetermined amount of time as a human until he would start changing back to his old self. Or so one would be lead to think:) Now, you must all realize yet another brutal fact of life: one doesn't simply just poof back into a demon. Of course not:) There are certain...stages, shall we say... that must be visited first. For in this story, where there is a misfortune to be had, guess what, it will inevitably be had. Do not fear the light bulb that glows atop this author's head my faithful readers, for I guarantee that our dear Sesshoumaru-sama is not fated to stay human for long.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama..."  
  
"Yes..."  
  
"I...I..." she whispered, then slowly got out of his embrace to look him in the face (as if she could see anything in that darkness). This was it... she was ready to tell him... This was...huh? She tilted her head to the side a bit and squinted. "I... I... Either I'm seeing things or you look... different..."  
  
Sesshoumaru sat up as the strangest sensation rushed through him. Indeed it was the first batch of demonic power that began to surge through his body. Rin simply watched in awe. But alas, we need not be mathematicians to calculate the rest, for this elixir seems to be completely re-shaping all established theories of human evolution. (A/N: Don't make me get technical on your asses:) It couldn't be prevented, it wasn't expected... and it sure as Hell wasn't Sesshoumaru's day...  
  
Rin seemed to have developed a love for staring, though, 'cause these days it seems that that's all she's been doing. At this point, Sesshoumaru didn't even want to know what he'd turned into...  
  
"K-...Kawaiiii..." she whispered. It was just too adorable. Without a second thought (or a first one, for that matter) she quickly came even closer to him (I leave room for your refined imaginations...) and started rubbing the soft ears that had now formed on top of his head, amidst a sea of half-black/half-white hair. Would Inu-Yasha be proud? Indeed he would. For let's just say that Sesshoumaru also made one kick-ass hanyou... Kukuku...  
  
To Be Consoled...  
  
**************  
  
A/N: Do you guys want a spoiler? I feel like giving a spoiler... Ahem: just because Sesshoumaru didn't stay human for a long duration doesn't mean that you should expect the same thing this time around... hehehe... just think of how long poor Inu-Yasha has to wait...hehehe... 'Month' is such a strong word... which is why I like to use it:) You know what really makes my day? It's when people tell me that I've made -their- day with my story... I write this story with the hope that it will make you all smile. If I've done that, then my mission is accomplished and I'm happy. I would love to thank all of you personally but I regret to announce that I neither have the patience or the sanity to perform such a task. I thank you from the bottom of my demonic little heart for the reviews and by all means, if you would like a personal response, just ask and I'll write to you. Other than that, just know that I'm appreciative to no end and sometime in the distant future when this story has come to an end, I'll respond to every friggin' review... and then you all can go on a search for Tenseiga 'cause that's the only my butt is coming back:) 


	12. CAKE TRILOGY PART 3 Having Your Cake and

A/N: I'm sick. My voice sounds like a cross between a drunk man and a drunk donkey. But on a brighter note, I will not be committing suicide as of yet. I like how this chapter turned out...it really speaks for itself. I've been meaning to tell you guys about this pet peeve that I've developed lately. I love reading the IY/Kag fics and most of them are all wonderfully done, but why the Hell, in almost all of them does Kagome manage to somehow conveniently fall asleep whenever she's crying or something like that? For goodness' sake is that even physically possible? It's immoral :) It was cute the first hundred times I read it, but now...Aaaaanyway...I've also made two new additions to my "most annoying and over-used words" collection: nuzzle and straddle. Oh lord I hope someone blinds me before I read them again:) But all in all, there are some genuinely excellent fics out there. Find them. I hope you've all noticed what I'm trying to do with this one. Don't get me wrong, I love reading all of the precious few Sesshoumaru/Rin fics but sometimes I just feel that fresher ideas could be used. It's always: Sesshoumaru starts having feelings for Rin 'because she's older but he doesn't want to be falling for human so he pushes her away (usually to a conveniently located human village) but Rin is completely in love with him anyways so yada yada yada... Hey, I speak only the truth. Like I said, I love the fics, it's just that I was itching for something different and, as a result, you have -this- fic. Sigh... I'm still God's child... hehehe:) The flashbacks in this chapter are from an episode but I can't remember which. I really don't consider them spoilers. LAST NOTE: REVIEW RESPONSES ARE UP AS THE NEXT CHAPTER... yeah yeah, it was unavoidable...  
  
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Cake Trilogy Part 3- Having Your Cake and Eating It Too  
  
Did you ever have one of those days when you seemed to have unending luck, you excelled at everything you did and everything seemed to be going your way? Of course you haven't...they're figments of the world's imagination. Real or not, our characters share these pains as well. Life is a bitch, welcome back to it.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama let me touch them... pleeeease." Rin pleaded with the sweetest tone she could manage but with -his- stubbornness, she was beginning to question whether or not Sesshoumaru was really a mule-youkai as opposed to a dog.  
  
"No."  
  
"But I bet they're really soft and I just can't resist." *Come on, you know you want me to.*  
  
"Absolutely not."  
  
*Well maybe not.* "That's not fair! I have rights over them too!"  
  
"Indeed." He scoffed. Explaining that one was going to be an interesting event in itself.  
  
"Well...ah...technically I saw them first so I also... have... ownership?" she tried lamely. Ticking a hanyou-lord off was not something you wanted to get good at. Unfortunately for Rin, she seemed to be excelling at it.  
  
Now the sad situation before us is not one for young ears. And speaking of ears is exactly what we are doing. As if it weren't bad enough that he had turned into a hanyou and Rin's scent had come flooding back to his sensitive nose faster than you could say 'die frog face!' now she was trying to pet him...pet HIM, the Great Sesshoumaru, Lord of the Western lands, otherwise to be known as God to you worthless mortals. Know thy place.  
  
Sesshoumaru removed himself from the bed, altogether ignoring the girl, her whining, her puppy-dog eyes and her damn scent and attempted one last revival of the frog-gone-wrong. Needless to say, it didn't work. For those of us who care about the technicalities as to why, shield thyself as I explain: since each fang was especially created according to the brother who was to receive it, the Tenseiga complies with Sesshoumaru only as he is a full-blooded demon. Besides, who the heck would have expected him to be anything else? Sesshoumaru wasn't about to go down without a fight (audience cheers him on), "Jaken, you shall feel my wrath upon your return."  
  
*** Meanwhile, somewhere beneath the low depths of the earth...think: very low, think: you've done something really sleazy kinda low, think: your bank accounts kinda low... ah yes, -that's- the low we're going for...  
  
"Haaaaackshuuuuu!," Jaken sneezed, "Now, how do I exit this damn place...?"  
  
And thus came up behind him one very large and very smug looking youkai: "Damn is right... Welcome Jaken, we have been expecting you... kukuku..." ***  
  
As we switch back to normal viewing, we find our heroes hanging onto the remaining shreds of their sanities, as they fight a very bitter, a very verbal battle with one another. Apparently Rin had been trying to cop another feel... Shameless youth...  
  
"You will not touch this Sesshoumaru's ears!" That was the closest he came to bellowing as he tried, unsuccessfully mind you, to breathe through his mouth instead of his nose. He towered over the disheartened yet determined girl. The path of knowledge is said to lead to the palace of wisdom. Yet it seems that the path of persistence was about to lead to the house of pain.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama, aren't you somewhat of a prince or something? Because you sure don't act like one." *Yeah, you'd think he'd know what to do with a mate once he found one... Why do I not feel like a princess?*  
  
"Keh." *Did this Sesshoumaru just utter such a low phrase???* "That would be more like a 'king or something.'"  
  
"Well you could've fooled me." *I sure don't feel like a damn queen either.*  
  
"Tis simple to fool the fool."  
  
"Grrrrrr why you... Need I remind you that it's -your- fault we're stuck like this, your -highness-?" Now now, don't point fingers at the nice man, sweetheart.  
  
But talking and breathing are just not meant to be done together as Sesshoumaru was finding out the hard way. "Girl, refrain from testing my patience at this time. It is through no fault of mine that you cannot control your hormones. I demand an explanation as to what purpose those drinks were originally meant to serve."  
  
"Yeah well good luck trying to get one from me. Humph."  
  
"And maintain a reasonable distance between yourself and this Sesshoumaru's ears." *Not to mention this Sesshoumaru's nose. At least being a miserable half-breed means that I am not fully affected by her scent.*  
  
"Fine. I wouldn't rub your ears now if you begged me," she scoffed. *Humph. At least I'm suffocating him...*  
  
"Rin. Explain why you have turned out the way you have, despite this Sesshoumaru's exceptional skills at child-raising."  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama," she started off sweetly- don't they all... "Let's just say that I refuse to believe that your, as you put it, 'exceptional skills at child raising' had anything to do with how I've turned out. If anything, I have raised myself to be the woman I am today!"  
  
Sesshoumaru took a moment to consider this. "Yes, that would certainly explain things." Couldn't he at least pretend to hide the sarcasm in his tone? Sigh...never mind. And suddenly, the argument takes on a whole new, dare I say it: domestic spin?  
  
"Thaaaaat's it, I'm not letting you get near our children until they're twenty!"  
  
"Wench. You dare hide my own pups from me! No sons of this Sesshoumaru will end up as weaklings simply because their mother refuses to grow up." *Take that.*  
  
"Well no daughters of mine are going to suffer through your 'males claim their women and the women can just deal with it' speeches while their mother's around!" And with that she crossed her arms over her chest and placed a triumphant smirk on her face. *I win. Again.*  
  
Sesshoumaru lifted one eyebrow. *Is that so?*  
  
Rin simply gave him the 'yeah- that's so' stare.  
  
@_@  
  
It was after a very dramatic pause that the two imbeciles, that is, Sesshoumaru and Rin, finally realized what they had just said. Sesshoumaru sat down gracefully and turned his head to the side with an almost inaudible 'Feh.' If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was blushing. Then again, I'm only the author so I really don't know better... Rin, on the other hand, was exhausted from all this arguing. Matching wits with the likes of him was a very demanding task if you wanted to do it right!  
  
Sighing, she lowered herself to her knees, behind him, and hugged him. Her chin now rested atop his head and every now and then his ears would twitch and caress her cheeks. *I knew, they -are- soft.* She felt him rest a hand on top of hers, still in a desperate attempt to breathe through his mouth instead of his mouth. He'd stop breathing all together if he could help it. So it was that they settled into a few moments of silence, remembering those days of old, drifting into the land of peaceful memories...cringe...  
  
************Flashback time, brace yourselves:  
  
Rin's POV  
  
"Rin. Did you behave yourself?" Sesshoumaru casually asked me upon his return.  
  
I smiled up at him innocently. "Hai!" *I really tried but I think I made Jaken cry... he's too sensitive! And he has the nerve to call -me- a child.* "But Jaken-sama seems upset about something." *I take no responsibility for this...*  
  
(A/N: For the love of god, don't ask me why they're having the same flashback, coincidences -can- happen:)  
  
Sesshoumaru's POV  
  
"Rin. Did you behave yourself?" *It seems as though she has made Jaken cry again.*  
  
"Hai!"  
  
*You call that behaving?*  
  
"But Jaken-sama seems upset about something."  
  
*Aren't we the little angel. I will not be taken for a fool.*  
  
********************  
  
So it was that Sesshoumaru promised to himself that he would not be taken for a fool that day. Hence he remained one for the following ten years.  
  
Unable to control it any longer, he shut his mouth and inhaled deeply, remembering what it was to breathe normally. Then he remembered just why he had been breathing through his mouth in the first place. As the dizziness covered him like a cheap suit (or kimono...or whatever you wanna call it), he pulled the girl down into his lap without warning. Rin fumbled for a moment until she said, or started to say: "Oh you've got to be k-" Get a hint as to what happened next. Banzai! Yes people, it was finally happening, our two loveable idiots were kissing.  
  
*Ok so he's not kidding...remind me to ask Jaken for more of this stuff...* Such were Rin's thoughts...  
  
*Perhaps I will consider lightening Jaken's punishment...* And such were Sesshoumaru's thoughts...  
  
But it's always safe not to get too carried away...after all, how could one possibly enjoy the moment if he is only half of what he used to be (...and the puns return...) and the other is on a hormone-high? Ok so they did enjoy it but the fiery kiss ended too soon as Rin breathed heavily and Sesshoumaru simply returned to shutting off his sense of smell. They stared into each others' eyes for several moments until Sesshoumaru ended the silence.  
  
*It is time for the truth...* "Rin. Say it."  
  
*I love you...hey, you never said to say it out loud!* "Sesshoumaru- sama... you say it first."  
  
"I wish to hear it from you first."  
  
"But I would really like to hear it from you first."  
  
*This is absurd.* "I demand that you say it first."  
  
*Oh yeah, demand this!* "What? You say it! After all you've put me through, I really think I deserve to be the one to hear it first. Go ahead, I'm listening."  
  
"I will admit to no such thing."  
  
*Whaaaaat??? Time for plan B* "You mean to tell me you've been toying with my affections all this time?!"  
  
*I am being baited. Of all the idiotic tricks to pull...* "And what affections might those be Rin?"  
  
*Ooooh what I wouldn't give to bitch-smack that smile off your face you pompous-* "Oh...never mind... they're nothing that a hanyou would understand."  
  
And thus Rin goes crashing to the ground. Oooooooo. Audience cringes. Hell, I'm cringing over here. Rin picked herself up gracefully and walked to a corner of the room.  
  
"Grrrr wench..." And with that her head snaps right back around. Target locked. Ready, aim,  
  
"Hanyou!" Fire...  
  
"Brat."  
  
"HAN-YOU!!!"  
  
There they stood, on completely opposite sides of the room, one ready to shed blood, the other ready to shed tears... and I'm -not- trying to tell you that Rin was going to cry...  
  
Has nobody wondered just why, despite being legitimate mates, Sesshoumaru and Rin seem to be going nowhere in a real hurry? As the author I ponder this very question every day. It is thus that I have been enlightened with an answer. We are no strangers to Sesshoumaru's pride, which has been taking considerable hits from Rin as of late. We have also been witness to Rin's pride (take a gander as to where she's got that from...oh to be so cruelly influenced a child...) which has been victim to Sesshoumaru in a similar fashion. The answer is simple: no one is going anywhere until one admits that they love the other. So far the status is:  
  
Sesshoumaru: Heh...don't hold your breath (Shamelessly punned).  
  
Rin: Oh she's got words for him alright... everyone under the age of thirty shield your eyes and ears!  
  
Who will be the first to crack? Didn't someone once say 'make love not war'? They sure didn't know what they were talking about. It's time to 'make war for love'! Man the battle stations! Take no prisoners! This will be the war to end wars, the battle of pride, wits and verbal dominance. Sesshoumaru got a dangerous look in his eyes but it was something else that caught Rin's attention... hmmm... Who was about to get caked? Well, let's just say that it wasn't so smart of Jaken to have left the Staff of Heads lying around...and near Rin, no less...  
  
Toast, anyone?  
  
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THE END...of the Cake trilogy, don't freak out... Check the review responses. 


	13. Tripping Down Memory Lane & Why Saying ‘

A/N: FF.net is just cruel. Many authors, myself included, have lost reviews over the past week due to the technical difficulties. I lost five of my reviews so I apologize to those people who sent them- I have no clue who you are but thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to review even though I can't see them:( Anyway, just one IMPORTANT note that I hope everyone reads: despite what I may lead you all to believe, there will indeed be romance in this story. It is, after all, a romance/humor fic. But have patience for it will all happen in due time. Like I always say, I'm tying to do something different. In my story, one kiss doesn't lead to: I love you, you're my soulmate yada yada yada... There really is no such thing as happily ever after. Happiness is just a state of mind... The rest is a state of physical pain..:) You have been duly warned. Do not read whilst drinking spewable liquids.  
  
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As it is customary to relate the weather condition whilst beginning a new chapter, we find ourselves in stormy weather both in and outside the palace walls. Outside, it was raining cats and dogs. Please raise your hands if you have realized that this author has written bad weather for the sole purpose of utilizing another pun, shamelessly. Well done, perceptive audience.  
  
On the inside, however, it was a different story. Ladies and gentlemen, do not ignore that nauseas feeling lurking in the pits of thy stomachs, for indeed the phrase 'dog eat dog' was coined to breed such an involuntary physical reaction. How many more ridiculous dog phrases are lurking about in life's wilderness? One can only wonder. How many of those are actually pun-able? Tis painful even imagining it. But most importantly, how many of them will this author use and abuse before this story is through? Only time and suffering will tell... And trust me, they have a lot to say.  
  
After that last rather 'interesting' scene, a very crisp and perhaps overdone Sesshoumaru sat in one corner of the room, trying not to think about his smoldering person. Let us not forget that he is also discovering new ways to breathe, namely, any other way than the conventional and highly overrated 'breathe through your nose' routine. Pitiful humans, always taking the easy way out.  
  
Meanwhile, Rin was on edge...once again. *Ok enough of this. We have to think of something or else we're going to be one person less in this room...and -I'm- not going anywhere.* "Sesshoumaru-sama... What's the plan? Or would you rather sulk while I think of something?" He said nothing. He wasn't taking the bait. How...annoying.  
  
"Would it kill you to smile once in a while??" *Do you even know how?* Well that got his attention alright.  
  
"It will kill -you- if you do not silence yourself." *This Sesshoumaru is too busy dealing with himself at the moment, he does not need an additional pain in his- *  
  
"Well excuse me. But don't mind me saying that you've not only turned into a hanyou but also into an even bigger grouch than you were before." *Goodness knows why I love you...and it still can't be explained.*  
  
Sesshoumaru snapped up from his daze and his ears started twitching. He was still smoldering, in more ways than one, and trust me, he kinda loses the 'cute' effect when he gets like that.  
  
"How dare you talk to me in such a manner you ingrate... Now silence... I have come to the conclusion that since I, Sesshoumaru, surpass you in many an area, including age, you shall follow my example. As long as we are under the same roof, this Sesshoumaru's word is as the word of the Gods. Disagreement is not an option." *Although this Sesshoumaru is certain that that is the only option you will strive for.*  
  
*Sheesh I get the idea.* "Fine dad..."  
  
"What was that???" he asked, utterly stunned and somewhat panicked. *Does she.see me... as a father????*  
  
"Hellooo... I was joking. Joke. Woohooo- just a joke... What an idiot..." Rin was waving a hand in front of his face but it really wasn't helping. He did look sweet when he was lost in confusion and sulking. But, after a while, it starts getting' kinda scary. I mean come on, this is Sesshoumaru we're talking about- the Lord of the Western Lands, Youkai extraordinaire, Mr. I'd-rather-crack-your-head-than-crack-a-smile. Yeah, THAT Sesshoumaru.  
  
*I know how to solve this problem.* "You know Sesshoumaru-sama, you're starting to act more like Inuyasha by the minute." *And it's really unnerving your little Rin.* Oooh child... I bet they heard that one all the way in the Lord of the Rings category...  
  
But just as Sesshoumaru's eyes started to bulge out of their sockets, Rin continued with: "Speaking of which, I wish we could go visit Inuyasha and Kagome. I'm sure your niece and nephew miss their uncle Sesshoumaru," she finished with a cute smile on her face and stars in her eyes.  
  
"I care not." *Though I am still stronger than that worthless half-breed, even in this miserable state.*  
  
*Humph. Like I care if you care.* "Oh come on Sesshoumaru-sama pleeeease. I -am- their aunt...technically anyways..."  
  
"Indeed, some minor technicalities are unfortunately unavoidable..."  
  
"Oh bite me. But wait- you've already done that!" *Alright count to ten...* "And of course we can't forget to let your brother and his wife know about what else you've done." *57, 58, 59...it's not working...*  
  
"Half-brother. And perhaps we may. That is, only after they get over the shock of what -you- have done." *She is young and mindless...young and mindless...*  
  
"At least the kids like me more than they like you!" *Or they did when they were babies anyways... Hmmm, maybe I should stop sticking my tongue out at him...*  
  
*I, Sesshoumaru say feh to that.* "It is not this Sesshoumaru's fault that the brats have no sense of family and refuse to stop crying the moment I come near them. Although, I do wonder just how long you will last in that house with your god-awful stench. Kagome would certainly not be happy if Inuyasha took a liking to it..." *Not to mention that I would rip the fool's intestines out, feed them to him and then rip them out again.*  
  
"Eeeeeeeeew how can you even -think- that! Pervert..." *I hate it when he gives me new nightmare material.*  
  
"How dare- "  
  
"Alright alright forget it!... Forget the damn in-laws sheesh..."  
  
And that was quite enough of that. I think that that argument was doomed before she even started talking.  
  
They sat in silence for a few minutes but Rin couldn't stop thinking about the kids. She wondered what they looked like. Did they resemble Inuyasha more or Kagome? Who did they resemble more, personality-wise? Did either of them look like Sesshoumaru? So many questions, such short tempers...  
  
*Though I know you're not- * "Aren't you at least a little curious as to what the kids look like now, Sesshoumaru-sama?"  
  
Is a raised eyebrow answer enough to that question?  
  
"I bet they're adorable... I know I was a really cute kid. Come on Sesshoumaru-sama, admit it, you know I was. That's why you couldn't let me go... *Who could? I don't blame you...*  
  
"Indeed you were... *Is it not strange how the virtues of childhood last for such a short time.*  
  
"Aw Sesshoumaru-sama... You're making me blush. You -can- be sweet." *And see, it hasn't killed you now has it?*  
  
"Of course I can you nitwit. It is by choice that this Sesshoumaru does not make a habit of it."  
  
"And so I choose to ignore the first part of that sentence in which you degrade me- you shameless bag of fleas- ahem... I wonder what you were like as a child... many a millennia ago. *Hehe. You old prude.*  
  
"Humph... One would think that a human would be grateful that their mate were older and more experienced." *Ungrateful little- *  
  
*Oh please, quit lying to yourself.* "I'm sure -you're- just thankful that I'm sweet and innocent...and that's only because you got to me when I was only seven. Wow, it really has been a long time." (A/N: it really pains me not to use the 'too damn long' joke but I'm fightin' the urge here...)  
  
"Sweet and innocent? Do not change the topic to someone else Rin."  
  
"Grrr I -was- talking about myself." *Might as well change the subject before I end up doing something -he'll- regret making me do.* "Say Sesshoumaru-sama, I've been wondering...when's my birthday? I mean, I know when my birthday is but since I died and you brought me back, doesn't that also count as a birthday? And if it does, when was it exactly?" *Can I getta happy birthday, resurrection day, anything?*  
  
"No it does not count." *Especially since this Sesshoumaru hasn't the faintest idea when it was that he brought you back.*  
  
*Oooh I know that look.* "You have no idea when it was you brought me back do you?" she asked dryly. Some people just know each other a little -too- well.  
  
"Silence. You shall not mock this Sesshoumaru's memory. Of course I remember." What a whopper...and I ain't talkin' Burger King...  
  
Enter favorite Gal number one...  
  
*You jackass. Have you no experience with women!? Huh forget I asked that... Couldn't you have just said that you don't remember? She's gonna be mad at you either way...  
  
Exactly. Which is why I, Sesshoumaru, will not allow my pride to be damaged in the process.  
  
What pride?  
  
The one that the miserable human is ruthlessly trampling on.  
  
I wonder who she gets this so-called 'ruthlessness' from...  
  
Need you ask? This Sesshoumaru is somewhat proud...*  
  
Rin successfully brought him back in touch with reality. "Hmmm yes I'm sure you -do- remember." *And I was born yesterday...* "So please continue Sesshoumaru-sama. What -were- you like as a child?" *Inquiring minds want to know.*  
  
Strangely enough, Sesshoumaru got a distant look in his eyes and his voice softened. Ah, the days of youth. "I was only 25 when I took my first life...(A/N: Now think, he's still a baby at 25. We're talking like can't walk can't talk sorta thing...sigh...why can't they just stay that way...) I am told that that imbecile cat youkai never knew what hit him."  
  
*Please tell me you're joking.* "Ehehe...please tell me you're joking."  
  
*Does it look like this Sesshoumaru is joking?* "......"  
  
*!!!!* "Which heartless God let you take care of me!!!"  
  
*A worthy question.* "I do not know... but he too shall feel this Sesshoumaru's wrath someday..."  
  
"Yeah yeah, you know you love me..." *I said that out loud, didn't I?*  
  
*This Sesshoumaru's ears do not deceive him, she said that out loud.* "I believe it is the other way around."  
  
*Over Jaken's dead body.* "You have no way of proving that."  
  
"I have my talons, which should be more than adequate proof if you continue this charade."  
  
"I-I-m n-not scared of you! * I -can- lie, I WILL lie.* "And I can always scream for someone to save me if necessary!"  
  
"Indeed. And I wonder who would save you from -him-" *Do not argue with me, woman. I am not 273 years old. I am 25 with 248 years of experience.*  
  
"Then again, who says I'd actually want anyone to save me?" *Hmmm...I'm getting better at this.*  
  
*Is that so?* That did it. The eyebrow in question was raised once again. Since that was the way she wanted to play this game, Sesshoumaru decided to set some new rules. HIS rules. Thus, he grabbed her hand, pushed her out the door and closed it behind him. He also made sure that she couldn't get through the door of her room. Coming back into his own room, he leaned against his door, smirking both inside and out. Ever hear the term "laughing his ass off"? Well, no asses were laughed off but so much the better for I do believe that we all enjoy Sesshoumaru's ass where it is.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side...of the door, that is.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! How could you!! Let me iiiin!!! I hear them... oh no... Let me iiiiiin! Bastard..." Hey, desperate times call for desperate language.  
  
"Such foul language does not befit a young lady Rin." *And flattery will get you nowhere.*  
  
"Damn you! Let me iiiiiiin! You call yourself my mate you fluffy oaf!!! Damn you. Lemme iiiiiin!!!  
  
"It is three simple words that this Sesshoumaru requires..." *Even -you- are capable of that.*  
  
"How dare you try and take advantage of me! Of all the nerve! I've got words for you alright." *Try dog breath on for size...It should fit impeccably.*  
  
"Now now -mate-, limit yourself to three..."  
  
"How can you joke at a time like this! Aaaaaaa you $^O)P)(*^^$#@$#%^%&^*())&* etc. etc. etc....... 30 seconds later, Rin is out of breath and Sesshoumaru is speechless, his vocabulary having extended considerably.  
  
But soon she started hearing strange sounds getting closer and closer. Needless to say, Sesshoumaru could sense some of his servants advancing, not to mention their urges for...ahem...'friendship' so he finally opened the door and a petrified Rin came crashing down into his arms. The door closed once again.  
  
She looked at him with tears in her eyes as her lower lip started to tremble. And then it came... "Waaaaaaaaaaaaah Sesshoumaru-samaaaaaaaa..." She started, sobbing within his embrace. Such a tender moment it was as she cried into his chest. When has this ever been a good thing? *I have not yet begun to kill.*  
  
Sesshoumaru was proud of himself. He finally had the upper hand and, dare this author say it, a decent amount of control over his little minion. "Shhhh...Perhaps now you understand the importance of obedience..." he said while stroking her hair. Obedience? After that stunt? Not bloody likely.  
  
"Sesshoumaru-sama..." and there go those famous last words. "Take THAT!" Now as a female, I do not know exactly how it feels to have someone's knee punch into my ahem...lower region, where the sun don't shine but, as a male, I'm sure Sesshoumaru does. Yes, I believe he knows -exactly- what that feels like. Tsk tsk...no pain no gain.  
  
Enter favorite Gal number two.  
  
*Rin...  
  
I'm in a good mood for once so I'll ask nicely, what the heck do you want?  
  
I give that one a 9.5 for style, 9.0 for form and a perfect 10.0 for sheer impact...ouch...  
  
I feel not the slightest amount of guilt. Just what do you think would have happened to me, or US, if he'd left us out there any longer? Please don't use your imagination, I don't need any mental images right now.  
  
My my... does he look like he's crying to you?  
  
Hmmm...*  
  
Rin towered above the great inu-hanyou who was now writhing on the floor in agony, desperately trying to fight the tears. Author and audience wince as they join hands and attempt to form a hate barrier. Chanting commences. Keep the love people, keep the love. Note to members of audience: please keep audience interaction with animals to a minimum, refrain from throwing love scrolls and do not pet.-Signed: administration.  
  
If Sesshoumaru could only regain strength enough to move a leg or two, (and no, I do not want to hear any 'or three' jokes.) he was ready to set all Hell loose. Little did he realize that Hell was standing above him at that very moment, in all her blazing glory. I am woman, hear me bitch.  
  
"Don't you ever- and I mean EVER- try something stupid like that ever again- EVER! You're heartless, cruel, conniving, immature and downright meaaaaaaaan!" She whined and then started sobbing all over again.  
  
He was trying to talk, he really was but maaan... Isn't it funny how we take small things like, oh shall we say, the powers of speech and respiration, for granted? Well, never again for this Sesshoumaru...  
  
*********  
  
Meanwhile... somewhere dark... think dark chocolate kinda dark... think 'but mommy, I'm afraid of the dark' kinda dark... think, you blew every damn fuse in the house and you're gonna be in the dark 'til kingdom come kinda dark... yeah, that's the dark we're going for.  
  
Who says witches are the only ones they burn at stakes? Not this author...and I must say that I have also made a believer out of Jaken... he'll send you a postcard...well...if they ever find all of his ashes, that is... 


	14. Meet the Family, Purge the Urge & Things

A/N: Kiyaaaaaaaaaaa here's the damn chap!!! Before Erica pokes me to death (put that pitchfork away woman), before Loresta's husband smashes their computer on my head (sir, please don't hurt me) and before Lirael gives me any more good marketing strategies that I'm too dumb too use:). Oh and before I forget- Demon, thanks for the comment. Hey it's all good, no offense taken:) I mean, you can't plaese everyone and you were very nice about it so it's no biggie. There's romance in this chapter!!! Yes, I know, it sounds too damn good to be true:) Also, this one's going out to all the Jaken lovers out there..cough Mimi cough... BE HAPPY THAT MY VOICES TOLD ME YOU ALL DESERVED A LONG CHAPTER FOR HAVING WAITED SO LONG! Yeah baby, the fun starts now...:)  

************************

"Where can this blasted exit be?" 

Oh yeah, you'd best believe that our favorite little lump of green was on the go once again. And speaking of go, has it drawn anyone's attention just how much jaken resembles a traffic light? No, seriously. He's green, his eyes are yellow and when he uses his staff you've got red. Then there's also the fact that he looks like he's related to the Grinch. We all remember 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas,' do we not? Christmas...red...green... Jaken also resembles Yoda... Yoda means lightsabers... red...green... 'How about yellow?' you may ask. Ah, but you must realize that yellow speaks for itself. Do I smell a conspiracy? Hmmm...

Yeah, that was the witty intro. And as we bring our focus back to the matter at hand, we find ourselves asking the question: 'just how is it that Jaken has regained his body?' Well, it was this very same question that our little toad friend was also pondering whence his tormentors pieced him back together. Upon inquiring just how this was possible, he was greeted with harsh laughter and two words that he did not understand... No, it wasn't rosebud. Besides, that's one word... They laughed at him and told him that he wouldn't understand anyway... His savior was from the far future that he would most likley never live to see. And indeed the foreign words did seem futuristic to him. Neverthless, he was indebted to this mystery product. Yes, his gratitude ran deep for his rescuer...whoever he was, this...super glue.

Finding a moment in which his tormentors were too preoccupied with something actually worth their while, Jaken slipped in, out, past, and around corners. Be forewarned: escaping is easy. It's doing it in style that's the tricky part:) After hobbling for what seemed like hours, entirely due to his midget legs (A/N: and trust me, it takes one to know one...sigh...) he spied a distant light. There were no guarantees, no exit signs, no 'thank you come again's but it was worth a shot. It was now or never, do or die. Well, more like do or stay dead. In his excitement he dove forward without looking. Carelessness will be the death of these people. P.U.N. Come on, you know you wanna laugh. 

"You will excuse me." Said the living wall that he had smashed into... "Oh! It's you Jaken. Well, well... small underworld." 

Jaken rubbed his eyes not once but a great many times. So this was hell, huh? Now he knew why. 

"A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A... Ssssesshoumaru-sama!!!"

"......"

"W-WAIT A MINUTE... YOU'RE NOT MY SESSHOUMARU-SAMA! HOW DARE YOU DISGUISE YOURSELF AS MY MASTER YOU- YOU...YOU FEMALE!"

Now now...stick and stones. Just then, something else spoke up behind him.

"Jaken! So there you are! What are you still doing on this side of the neighborhood? It's really no fun without you in the land of the living."

"A-A-A-A-A! Rin????? How in the blazes did you get here??????? Just a moment, you're not that stupid human... there's something different about you... WHO ARE YOU TWO IMPOSTERS!!!!!"

'Sesshoumaru' and 'Rin' looked at each other and smiled. What could be said? After all, these are two gals that, as always, need no real introduction:))))) 

And if you haven't taken the hint by now, I will humbly marvel at the fact that you even made it to this chapter.

************************

Several violent moments later...

"Was he sent back, master?" asked the new shadow that had joined 'Sesshoumaru' and 'Rin.' The silence she received was answer enough. 

"It is time for us to get back to work ladies," said 'Sesshoumaru.' The three females walked off in separate directions. You didn't really think that Jaken would stay all lonely, did you? Oh perish the thought. Besides, what's another voice between friends.

And speaking of friends...

Or not...

************************

Sesshoumaru writhed on the floor in agony. She really could have made her point any other way. Why always violence? Honestly, what was wrong with kids these days? His ears lay flattened against his gray head, futily trying to cut off the sound of her sobbing so that he could perhaps get back to dealing with his pain in peace. He would have ample time to get mad. Hell, he had a whole lifetime to make her as miserable as she made him... Man, there's no other explanation for it. It's gotta be love:)

Rin's sobbing slowly died down to sniffling but she still made sure to keep her distance from him. Right now, those pretty little ears were begging to be ripped off that pretty little head of his. When sesshoumaru finally had enough strength to turn his head around, he bestowed upon her the glare that made him the man/demon/hanyou he was today. Rin received it, only to return a glare of her own- the one that had made her the human/woman/and all-around spot of sunshine that she was today. But you see, my faithful audience, though no words were spoken, it's all a matter of interpretation. Allow me to bring forth the verbal battle, minus the verbal.

Keep in mind that the 'conversation' was begun by Sesshoumaru. Unfortunately, due to slight technical difficulties, misunderstandings occurred every now and again.

'You...

Yeah, that would be me...

You expect to live after this?

How long can we keep this up? I need to blink.

Your scent is driving me insane, wench.

You are the most beautiful hanyou I have ever seen, you big jerk.

Did you call this Sesshoumaru a hanyou again?

Ok so I haven't seen many... Which reminds me, about our future children...

This Sesshoumaru is not a child.

Who are you calling a child?!' 

Their eyes had squinted so much that there were almost no eyes left to squint at this point. Just why was the conversation cut short? The answer would be the loud *BOOM* and the heap-o-Jaken reviving itself. Gross. Was now the time for this? Well, we're about to find out. And just how the Hell'd he get back? He was as dead as disco. Well, you see...

With his frustration at the brink of insanity (which isn't a hard level to reach) and at the top of his squeaky voice, the resurectee finally decided to enlighten the rest of the world with his revelation. 

"It has finally happened! This lowly Jaken has figured it out at long last! The reason why you are still here you stupid brat, the only reason why Ssshoumaru-sama would ever tolerate you and vice versa can only be because YOU TWO ARE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER!!!"

There is silence…

There is the sound of eyebrows and ears twitching. Mainly, Sesshoumaru's.

Rin shut her eyes and took in a deep breath. *He's back...and this is possible how?*   "Jaken... Somehow it's not –quite- as satisfying hearing it from you."

It was only then that Jaken noticed his master's state and the ungodly stench of woman in the room. "A-A-A-A-A-A" was all that he could gawk out as his eyes began to tear. Now, I can't really say whether it was from seeing his precious Sesshoumaru-sama as a hanyou or from Rin's smell that he was tearing but the point lying within this sentence my dear readers is that toads, too, have feelings. Toads, too, can cry. We must also realize that not everybody in the room dwelt on the how's and why's of the imp's return. He's here, that's all you need to know. And of course, we all know that Sesshoumaru, being the man/demon/hanyou that he is, wasted not his time. "Jaken. You will tell us how to undo these curses immediately. Henceforth you shall be sent back to where you came from, then returned. Note that this process will be repeated." 

All Jaken could get out was: "It was the miko in the next village and I know nothing more but may I- AAACK..." before he was sent packing back to 'Sesshoumaru,' 'Rin' and whoever else might be waiting for him. Not to fear. He'll be back. Hmmm... did that sound like a threat to you? It did to me...

*********************

"This is entirely your fault, human."  

"WHAT?! I already feel bad enough as it is, you don't need to make it worse Sesshoumaru-sama." *Jerk. As if blaming me is going to change anything.*

"Indeed. And just how bad do you feel, human, knowing that we may be stuck in this manner for a very undesirable amount of time?" *At least I am certain that the damage is not permanent.*

"Just what is about humans, or me for that matter, that you find so offensive?!" *Aside from everything.*  "What do you want from me? I made a mistake and I'm sorry. It happens, you know. Would you prefer it if I were some mindless ninny who'd do everything you said, no questions asked?" *Hmm...wrong question to ask.*

"Perhaps it is time this Sesshoumaru asks you the same question. What is your purpose for quarreling with me? Do you mean to tell me through some means that you would be happier with a human mate?" *Do not test me on this. One wrong answer and we shall be one human less in this room.*  "Or is it this Sesshoumaru's being youkai that you do not appreciate? What is it that you wish of me Rin. Would it have made you happy if I had stayed human or as a hanyou?" *Do not mock this Sesshoumaru's sense of strategy...*

*What's this?? I'm...I'm scared...*  "You would consider staying human if I asked you to?" 

"Perhaps."  *There is no harm in bluffing.*

"Sesshoumaru-sama...... That's the sweetest thing you have ever said to me. You're bluffing but even that must have been hard, considering what the subject is. I can't believe you'd say that, just to make me happy. I don't know what to say."

"Indeed." *I do it because you are violently unbearable when you are unhappy, not to mention hazardous to this Sesshoumaru's health.*

"Sesshoumaru-sama...umm...I... well..."  *I want to ask him!... Sheesh why is it so hard to ask him this when we practically have grandchildren in my head.*  "That is...I *gulp* may I ...um...you know.........kiss you? I mean ah...I'd ah..like to kiss you...if that's okay with you...? 

"You wish to... kiss me?" 

Enter a favorite gal who is just plain larger than life...

*Isn't that what she just said honey? I mean, there's only so many ways to say it.

But why would she wish to kiss this Sesshoumaru?

You're hopless, has anyone told you that before? 

Perhaps it is the ears that are adding to my charm.*

Let's do that again, shall we:

"You wish to... kiss me?"

And enter a favorite gal who's larger than...death...I suppose

*Isn't that what I just said? 

Maybe he thought he heard wrong. 

But I can't say it again, it was hard enough the first time!

Well we're gonna be here for a while if you're waiting for him to figure it out on his own.

True...sigh.*

Back to Author-cam.

"Yes...I...want to kiss you... And I was just wondering if that was...you know...okay with you."

"You will just have to try and find out now won't you..."

Sesshoumaru's battle for control: *What! Wench, how dare you put words into this Sesshoumaru's mouth! Never would I say such an absurd thing.

Sigh... You want her to kiss you, yes or no?

I shall handle this without your help.

Fiiine fine, don't get your tail twisted. Sheesh! You try and help a guy out...*

Before he could even think of a decent comeback, guess what, Rin decided to take him up on his offer to try and find out. After all, that response was even better than a yes. So they kissed...and kissed...and then kissed some more. It really had started out innocent enough (as is always the case), you know, the usual 'quick peck because I'm too nervous to do much else' bit. But soon the quick pecks became...not so quick... and not so innocent. Oh the devil with it all... Temperatures began to rise in the room so no, it's not just you, it really was hot in there. Only when he realized that he was purring in quite an idecent manner did Sesshoumaru break the kiss. Her hands were dangerous when they found those ears. Rin pouted a little, knowing full well that in their current situation he would go no further. But it just wasn't fair dammit! It was also incredibly hot in the room and with the way that damn potion was still reacting with her body, she might just make him go further, whether he agreed to or not. Now there was an idea... and before it could further enter NC-17 territory, she found her head laying against his chest and her hair being stroked gently. *Pleeeease don't stop.* 

"Rin. Why do you put up with me?" *And do ask why this Sesshoumaru puts up with you.*

"You're my widdle puppy, that's why." *And just because I –can-. It's a damn gift is what it is. And yes, I will be taking the bait.*  "Why do you put up with me?" *Sweet voice, add the puppy-eyes and that ought to do it.*

"Because you are mine."

"Yes I am! Hihihihi. It's just you and me Sesshoumaru," she giggled. *Not to mention those adorable ears.*  "But you know what?"

"...?"  *Much better. Look into this Sesshoumaru's eyes when you speak, not at his ears.*

"You're the only one I ever want to be with in the whole world..."

"So, my little minion, you do care," he said with one of his famous now-you-see-it/now-you-don't smiles. 

"You thought I didn't?"

"What I thought does not matter at this moment. Rin, you and I are mated but we have a task to complete before anything may develop. There will be nothing but normality between you and this Sesshoumaru until this problem is resolved. Is that understood?" he stated firmly as he released her and moved away. Damn. 

*Excuse me? Why do you have to bash my one little romantic moment into the middle of next century?*  "When have we ever been normal? And just how do you –define- normal in this situation?"

"Do not use that tone with me. There will be no fighting, no arguing. As of this moment, I will speak and you will comply. The plan is as follows..."

*******************

Ten twitches, seven squints and five jaw clenches later...

"Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Silence. This is a technique that has taken longer to perfect than you have lived." 

"Ok I get it, you're old, but how can you be sure that it will drive away my scent?"

"How do you think this Sesshoumaru was able to breathe when Inu-yasha was a baby, Rin? This concoction was my salvation. It is now our only hope. Understood?"

"Yes sir. Understood sir. The lowly human has one final comment sir."

*Hilarious.*   "You may speak."

"This thing better not have any side-effects! Because if it does, we're both going to suffer. By the way, I love the headpiece...teeheehee."

"Such a charming brat you are, as always."

"Such a grouchy hanyou –you- are."

"Not for long."

********************

So began Operation: Demonization for Sesshoumaru and Purge-the-Urge for Rin. The plan was to locate this so-called miko and obtain a cure- by any means necessary. The only problem was (ok, so not the –only- problem but hey, one at a time) that this meant having to go back to that accursed village. If those beastly humans realized that the great Sesshoumaru had turned into a hanyou... I'm not even going to finish that sentence. Fortunately for him, Sesshoumaru looked nothing like his old self, add a cloth (rather bandana-like) wrapped around his head to cover the ears, change the clothes and voila...! Sesshoumaru, is that you?

Rin had only to wait a few moments for the 'concoction' to work. She felt no different but there was no telling with these things so as soon as the scent was supposedly weakened enough for it to be safe, they were off. Mind you, they didn't stroll out the door. Use your imaginations for where there was a window/balcony/rooftop/tree, it was put to good use. And they were ridin' the wind, Inu/Kag style:) 

Rin couldn't help herself. Being able to hold him was just so...comforting. She leaned a bit more forward and kissed his cheek lightly. Need I tell you that they almost went crashing into the nearest tree? And as much as he liked it... Yeah, you know how it goes.

"No nonsense Rin. There will be time for that later."

*You call that nonsense, huh? We'll see about that...*  "Ok..."

*******************

As they approached the village, Sesshoumaru set Rin down on her feet and walked in as dignified a manner as was possible considering his current ensemble. Rin went slightly ahead of him and, as the number of cowering peasants increased, it became clear that their presence had been felt. For once people, this is a good thing. 

Several random villagers, the braver ones might I add, gathered to greet her and her new –friend-.

Random villager (insert nervous laughter where you see fit): "Hello there Rin-sama! What brings you here...to our peaceful, harmless, innocent town on this fine day? Lord Sesshoumaru seems to not have accompanied you this time (random group of random villagers sigh in utter relief). Who is your new companion?"

"Hehehe...I'm glad you asked that. This is my...ah...

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow shut up. *This ought to be good...*

"My cousin!" *Hahahaha.*

Random villagers in unison: "Cousin?"

Sesshoumaru spoke, or rather spat, for the first time since their arrival. "Cousin?" 

Enter Cricket "Chirp?" –cousin?-

"That's what I said folks! Cousin. What, you don't see the resemblence?"

Silence unfurled... The sweatdropping could be seen but not heard... Even our little friend Mr. Cricket stared in disbelief.

"Well," she continued, "he's actually my second cousin, once removed on his mother's side."

 More silence..

"He's not from around here... Came from the West."  *Hey, it's not a –complete- lie...*

Villagers nod understandingly: "Ooooh!" *Mumble mumble*  "That makes sense..."  "Yes I should have noticed from the beginning."  *Mumble...*

"That's right. Allow me to introduce you all to my cousin- Fluffy."

Entire Villager Population: "Fluffy??????"

"FLUFFY!!?????" Well, you can all tell who bellowed that.

Cricket: "CHIIIIIRP????" *SQUASH* Oops...sorry folks... please continue. 

"Is there an echo around here or something? That's what I said! This is my cousin Fluffy, but since he happens to be so much –older- than the rest of the kids in the family, we cousins usually address him as Fluffy-sama. Of course, I expect the same respect to be shown to my...cousin, from all of you. *Hahaha, you're damn right I'm making fun of him. But I do it with love... teeheehee...*

As the speechless crowd looked from the first weirdo to the next, Sesshoumaru finally stopped seething, swallowed his pride and slowly let a smug smile crawl onto his face. Just how exactly does a smile 'crawl'? you may ask. Well, that's for me to know and you not to bother with the technicalities. That's how she wanted to play, huh... So be it.

"Rin, you will stop lying to these... good people (A/N: the horror:)... at once. Is this how I have raised you? To be dishonest to your elders? You will all forgive my –daughter- and her antics. There are some things she has yet to grow out of."  *And        –that- is why this Sesshounaru is Lord of the Western Lands.*

Villagers: "Daughter???????????"

"DAUGHTER????????????????????????? I-I-I-wha-who-huh??" And you can all guess who squeaked that, my spirited audience. 

Would you all rather I chirp? Because Mr. cricket is no longer with us.

And a favorite gal returns... impeccable timing, as always:)

*Did he just call you his daughter?

I-I-I-*

"Is the resemblence not striking?" Sesshoumaru asked with an utterly bored yet 'I'm such a proud father' tone of voice. 

"I-I-I-I-I- "

"Come along, daughter. If we complete our task quickly then perhaps I will allow you to play with the other children for a while." 

And dooooown she goes. Honestly Rin, is it any time to faint? Man, some humans just can't take a joke...

******************

A/N: Leave a bloody review for the love of God, it's 6 in the morning! Sigh... I never even knew there –was- a 6 in the morning...


	15. Daddy's Little Girl & Meeting Your Maker

A/N: You know guys, I really like the way this story has turned into a parody of sorts. Allow me to explain- I'm having so much fun teasing all the Sesshoumaru clichés that it's just plain wrong at this point. I honestly hope that no authors get offended or anything because I mean no disrespect. I just want to make you all smile:) Yes, that is me and Mr. Smiley's mission in life: to rid the world of frowns! And who nicknamed it "Mr. Smiley" anyways? I think it should be "Ms. Smiley" for a while. 

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own InuYasha. But I've got the Tooth Fairy working on it so no worries ;)  

In other news: The last time I put up a chapter, I just got really hungry so I decided to take a trip to the kitchen. I started cooking... Now, several months later, my appetite has finally been appeased. 

********************

Have you ever stopped to wonder just what it is that your conscience does when you're not paying attention? I'll bet my bishies that you haven't. Brace yourselves for the enlightenment at hand, my enthused audience. Down in the corners of the Earth, where no one really cares to look, there are forces at work that have been around since the dawn of Man...and Woman. It is in these corners that our significant others dwell. And believe you me, they're out to get us, one guilt trip at a time. Two, if they feel lucky.

"Jaken, Rin!"   'Sesshoumaru' bellowed. Yes, I said 'Sesshoumaru.' We're talking about the underground now folks. The nether region, if you will.  

"Jaken and Rin reporting for duty ma'am!" Such diligent help. Kinda brings tears to an employer's eyes. But Sesshoumaru was not swayed. Rather, she looked somewhat pale. The kinda pale that lets you know there's pain ahead.  

"Come along. I have received word from the One, and She wishes to have a briefing before we continue with our work."

'Jaken' started to twitch and 'Rin' was just one twitch short of flinching. Going to see the One was never something you looked forward to. Why? I mean, who wouldn't want to bask in the glory of She who holds all within her grasp. Well, 'Sesshoumaru,' 'Rin' and 'Jaken' for starters. There is no holy music, there is no eternal bliss. There is naught but the sinking feeling that you've done something wrong...again. The only question that's left is how: how am I going to get out of this one? Good question. 

Author shrugs. Beats me...

*******************

'Rin' and 'Jaken' with one fluid shove, "volunteered" 'Sesshoumaru' to go inside first. Now when I say inside, do not confine yourselves to the image of a normal room. Indeed, beyond those serpent-headed doors lay a space without walls, floor or ceiling. Just a voice. Yes, THAT voice. THE Voice. The voice you hear before you go to sleep at night. Ok so that's stretching it a bit but it was intimidating nevertheless. And this was one voice you really, really didn't want to annoy.  

"Are things going as planned?"

"Yes, Sensei."

"What is the current status?"

"They are in the village, seeking out the Miko as we speak, Sensei."

"You are tending to this situation, I presume?"

"Of course, Sensei."

"Very well. Continue with your work. That is all."

"Thank you, Sensei."

'Sesshoumaru' desperately held in her sigh of relief. That is, only until 'Rin' and 'Jaken' started poking her, which lead to a loud *WOOSH* of an exhale. 

"No! I refuse to do it!" She hissed, "Leave me be you persistent nitwits!" But the two kept on poking her. *POKE POKE*

"Sesshoumaru-samaaa," Rin hissed back,  "If you don't ask, I'll tell Sensei that you're the one who's been leaving the toilet seat up!"  

"!! H-how dare you insinuate such a thing you insolent whelp! I am a woman!" 'Sesshoumaru' feigned dramatic disgust. It really didn't work. 

"Woman. Humph. Whatever." 'Rin' said.

"Alright you cruel thing. But if we get blown to smithereens, again, I will see to it that...that... so there!" 

'Sesshoumaru' gracefully proceeded towards the light but, in the background,  'Jaken' whispered to 'Rin':

"So it's been Sesshoumaru-sama all this time?"

"Actually,  I have no idea who's been doing that but I must've hit a nerve or something to get her all riled up like that."

'Jaken' blinked several times. "Sesshoumaru-sama IS a woman, is she not?"

"Never mind that now..."

And so 'Sesshoumaru' fidgeted and cleared her voice. "Uh... Begging your pardon Takahashi Sensei."

"You may speak."

"With all due respect Sensei, my counterparts and I were just wondering..."

"Continue."

"Why is it that Sesshoumaru is nicknamed Fluffy?"

"All will explain itself in due time."

"I-I see. Thank you, Sensei."

'Sesshoumaru' did not press her luck further and quietly escorted 'Rin' and 'Jaken' outside. By their ears. Of course, they did not hear the One's final words on the matter as Her holy light faded away.

"Crazy fangirls..." 

Hmmm...

******************

"You imbeciles! Now She will be pissed off with me straight into the next century...if She lets me live that long, that is."

"Hey it's not like you didn't want to know. Especially since Sesshoumaru is yours, so to speak."

"Very well RIN. Just be warned that the next time She wishes to speak with us, you will be going in there and representing us by yourself."

"B-but, Sesshoumaru-samaaa!"

"Don't you but Sesshoumaru-sama me young lady. We shall discuss this later. Now get back to your posts."

"Yeees ma'am."

"And Jaken."

"Yes Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"See if you can't find your incarnation. We must regroup this trio as soon as possible."

"Certainly Sesshoumaru-sama."

Like I always say, it's not –what- you say but –how- you say it. Not to mention the fact that seniority kicks ass ;)

******************

Meanwhile, back on the flipside of things...

'So that's how it's going to be, huh? Father my... And I can't believe I'm still unconscious! 

Rin.

Uh-oh...H-hey there!...... Long time no bother. 

Yes, I figured that I was long overdue for an appearance...you know what I mean. What have you been up to, my little minion?

Sod off.

And here I thought that you'd actually missed me.

Like I miss a mosquito bite.

Well aren't you all sweetness today! And speaking of bites, just how are you and your little holes faring?  

That –so- needs to be taken in context...

Watch your mouth young lady! Honestly, I leave you alone with his Highness for a minute and suddenly the perverseness is at an ultimate high. 

I know! I can't help it!!! His 'medicine' is wearing off already! We need to get out of here soon...I can't BELIEVE I'm still unconscious!

What's the story with that anyway?

You know, I have no idea. I think the suggestion of him being my father was just a little too much for me to handle. Still... how embarrassing...

I share your pain, Rin.

...Really?

No, not really, you stupid girl. And might I add: HAHAHA! Ehem...serves you right for causing this mess. 

Why you loud-mouthed, nerve-hurting, headache-causing-

Yackety-yak. Hush now, it's time to wake up sunshine!'

"Who is loud-mouthed, nerve-hurting and headache-causing?" Sesshoumaru inquired carelessly. Rin noticed that she was being carried and thought: 'but hell if I know where I'm being carried now.'

"Where are we going Sesshoumaru-sama?" 'That's right, just ignore the question...'

'Evading the question, huh? Clever girl.' "The villagers claim that the Miko's shrine is not far off."

Who says that men don't ask for directions? And we all know that Sesshoumaru is all male and a little bit more. He is what we women would define as "gimme somma dat." or otherwise known as mister "nice sword you've got there."  It's just that sometimes, on not-so-rare occasions, he puts a whole new spin on the phrase 'getting in touch with one's feminine side.' That's what the yin and yang are there for, people. So cease the hating and engage in appreciating.

In a matter of minutes, they were at the shrine's entrance. Good thing, too, because Sesshoumaru was starting to look a little...disheveled. Rin would have to inquire about that later, though. One can only handle five problems at a time. 

Rin let herself down and walked up to the shrine's entrance. 'So far so good,' she thought. Odd, though, the place seemed kinda deserted. It was then that she noticed some writing on the wall. And her eyes all but bugged out in a very Jaken-like manner. Her face re-arranged itself into an expression of 'about-to-cry-my-little-butt-off' innocence as Sesshoumaru stood next to her in all his hanyou glory.

"Sesshoumaru-sama," she said on the verge of tears, "What does she mean 'on vacation'?"

*Grrrrr* Yep, with the hanyou comes his attitude. 

"Oh wait, there's something else written on the bottom... I can't really make it out. What's it say?"

"It says 'permanently'......." the hanyou said with a smirk. He would have laughed in a mad-scientist-like fashion but that's pushing it, even for this story. Even so, it is official. Sesshoumaru is about to lose his mind. Oh how the heavens weep.

"Rin." Now this might sound normal to untrained ears but Rin knew better. This was the 'don't  ****  with me right now' tone. So, answer the man. And you'd best add a strong dose of r-e-s-p-e-c-t with that. "We are going home."

"Ok Sesshoumaru-sama." 

There's a good girl...

**************

 The journey home was long and the silence was well nigh unbearable. What do you say to something like this? Easy- you shut up and deal. If you value your life, that is. 

Rin collapsed on the bed, hoping that her Sesshoumaru-sama had blown off some steam on the trek back. He could be a real pain in the pansy when he was in a bad mood. She, on the other hand, would do no more thinking today. In fact, Rin didn't even realize that she had fallen asleep until she woke up in a frenzy, from what was possibly the worst nightmare she'd had yet. 

"Woah!!..man that was awful...and just plain...wrong!!"  

She swung her head left and right in the darkness, trying to determine his whereabouts. 'I am not happy. This day –really- needs to be over...and soon.' 

To her right, she noticed a large figure in the darkness. And for all it was worth, she hoped that it was Sesshoumaru who was sleeping next to her. 

*POKE*  *JAB*

"Sesshoumaru, wake up... Sesshoumaru-samaaa?? Hey wake up!"  'I need you awake, now if posible.'

"What is it you heartless girl?" came the grumble. Ok so maybe he still wasn't in the best of moods but can you blame the guy? (Rhetorical question). 

"I had a nightmare"

"......" Translation: So?

"But it was horrible!!"

"...?..." Translation: Again, so? 

"It...it was about you falling in love with Kagome...or something like that...I dunno, it was just so...I dunno..."

"Who is Kagome?"

"Aaaagh Sesshoumaru-sama! She's your sister by law so don't pretend that you don't know her."

'Feh.' "........."

"And it gets worse... you...y-you...kept calling me your daughter! Oh gosh... I think I'm gonna be sick..." She pouted. There is no more shame left for this pair. 

"Rin."

"Yes?"

"Go back to sleep. Do not think about dreaming up any more absurdities. That is enough to give even this Sesshoumaru nightmares."

"Ok...but, Sesshoumaru-sama?" she asked almost sadly, "you're not in love with Kagome are you?"

"Humph. Do not insult this Sesshoumaru." He looked at her through the darkness. She was adorable when she was stupid. And that tended to happen a lot. 

"Hehehe...I...I feel better now Sesshoumaru-sama. Thank you." She said as she snuggled into him. "And by the way, I know that your little medicine's worn off so don't even think about trying anything mister." 

"I believe the term you humans use is: you wish." He said as he wrapped his arm around her. 

"Sesshoumaru-sama...you know just what to say to a girl." Rin smiled. 'You're just clueless about everything else.'

A faint chirping could be heard in the background as the two drifted off to la-la land. Faint echoes of Jaken-like pain could be felt in the peaceful wind. All was nowhere near right with the world. But sometimes- and this was one of those times- you just stop giving a damn...

********************

A/N: Ah yes, another chapter comes to an end. I'm planning on some 'I love you's for the next chapter(s) so I hope that you all will be looking forward to that. Of course, by now we are all aware of the fact that nothing in this story happens in the traditional way. Even (or should I say- especially) the grammar. Anyways, I hope nobody takes offense to anything in the chapter. Especially Sess/Kag authors. I mean no disrespect! I should get the next chapter out much quicker than this one. This was kinda hard because it was such an intermediate chapter but I think it worked out well in the end. And I hope the surprises were appreciated. Enough rambling. If I made somebody smile, or perhaps even laugh, then my mission is accomplished. Until next time my ever-patient audience!  

Of course, it should go without saying that reviews are always appreciated. Right, Ms. Smiley? :)


	16. LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR PART 1

To: The miserable mortal responsible for the atrociousness otherwise known as 'That's Why They Call Him Fluffy.'

From: This Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru-sama to the other miserable mortals that plague the lands. I know you are there, and I know where you live. 

Pitiful whelp,

You are responsible for these absurdities, unless this Sesshoumaru is mistaken. This Sesshoumaru is –never- mistaken. It is solely due to the rules of honor and fair conduct that I wrote to inform you of your upcoming departure from this Earth. This Sesshoumaru is prepared for your removal. Your –permanent- removal. Which will it be, mortal: this Sesshoumaru's claws or Toukijin? Consider yourself privileged to have a choice. Although, this matter will most likely be handled with Toukijin since I, Sesshoumaru, would rather be in Jaken's company for all of eternity than touch the likes of you. 

Furthermore, you would do well note that this Sesshoumaru is in perfect mental and physical condition. That is more than I can say for you. Be afraid, human. For turning me into a hanyou, you will pay. For using that unbearable 'F word,' you will pay. For that bitch of a 'voice,' you will pay. For allowing Rin to win every conceivable argument, you will pay dearly. I am considering decapitating you, ever so slowly, one limb at a time. The thought brings me such pleasure that one such as you would have difficulty fathoming. 

I look forward to our meeting,

Sesshoumaru-sama

Author's reply: Sesshoumaru-sama...you seem upset. Did I hit a nerve? And speaking of nerves...leave mine alone. You're just jealous that you only have one voice talking to you whereas all the rest of them are talking to me. I'm not sharing them. Deal with it. 

PS: Roses are red, 

Violets are blue. 

Look within your heart, 

For the Fluffy in you.


	17. LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR PART 2

To: DiLLiRgA

From: Rin ^.^

I think you upset Sesshoumaru-sama. Oh well... He'll just have to get over it now won't he? Don't worry, I won't let him do any of those mean and otherwise graphic things that he said. So I snuck a peak at the letter before it got sent off- there's no shame here:) By the way, you're not scared of him, are you? I mean come on, who'd be scared of that overgrown poodle? 

I just wanted to tell you that the story's doing fine. I find it highly entertaining... Still, you should be a tad more sparing with your words. I think Sesshoumaru-sama's only one dog-joke away from snapping. Snapping you in half, that is. 

Take care! Don't get yourself dismembered or anything,

Rin :D

PS: How'd you know about the voices?

Author's reply: Rin...sometimes, you scare me. Granted, I scare even myself sometimes, but that's not terribly hard to do. Still, you're the only one on my side...I think... Thanks for the warning but how about we try this idea: we'll wait until the story's over and just pretend it never happened. Catchy, isn't it. Think about it...

PS: How'd I know about the voices? Pssshht child, if only my knowledge ended there...


	18. LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR PART 3

From: Mr. Cricket

To: The heartless author that keeps killing me

CHIIIIIIIIIRP. CHIRPITY CHIRP. CHIRP CHIRPITY CHIRP CHIIIIIRP. Ok?

CHIIIRPT,

CHIRP CHIRP

Author's reply: Ummm...yeah, I didn't catch that last part. Was that a chirpity or a chirp? The world may never know...


	19. LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR PART 4

From: The Boss. Still not Springstein.

To: DiLLiRgA

I'll have my people call your people. We'll do lunch. You'll also do a life sentence.

Warmest regards,

Takahashi Rumiko

Author's reply: I swear the damn thing practically wrote itself!

******************

A/N: I just thought that these would be cute little tidbits. Think of them collectively as an intermission, if you will. I still have several more characters to get through, though. I'm on a roll, can you tell?


	20. Revenge of the Sessh and Why Two Swords ...

A/N: I won't waste your time with excuses. However, I will say that the next batch of LETTERS TO THE AUTHOR will be up sometime soon (though the definition of 'soon' is highly debatable). Also, I am in the process of editing the story. I already went back and did the first few chapters (I think) and will continue to do so. Please blatantly ignore any inconsistencies this chapter may have in relation to previous chapters for they will be fixed in upcoming edits. I'm starting at the end and working my way to the beginning. Wow, I feel so much like Lucas...and at such a young age... .

* * *

Chapter Something: Revenge of the Sessh and Why Two Swords Are Always Better Than One 

A year and several months later we find that only mere hours have passed in the unequaled tale mischievously entitled 'That's Why They Call Him Fluffy.' This, my intrepid audience, not only breaks the rules of the space/time continuum, it also brings us back to another glorious morning that our heroes have awoken to. But who's counting.

Speaking of mornings, you know how there are just some mornings where you really hate eve  
ryone and everything? It never –really- starts out that way, does it? (Rhetorical question) In fact, my ever-diligent readers, things are never more chipper/dapper (insert other golfing adjectives) until people actually starting _thinking_. Read on, brave friends, but do not give in to the pale illusion that is false enlightenment. Then you'll start actually _producing ideas…spreading philosophy…going on food strikes _and such.

'That's it, I've got it! Now, to convince his Highness. This...is not going to be easy. At all...' "Sesshoumaru-sama! Sesshoumaru-sama wake up! I've got it! I've got it, I tell you!"

"Then let it go and let me get back to sleep you- "

"Ah ah ah! Now's not the time for pleasantries! I found a way to cure our ailments. In short, we just need to take a little trip. Again."

"..." 'And by that I mean where to?'

"Your sister-in-law's a miko. I've been wanting to visit Kagome and the kids for some time. Let's go for just today, get this thing settled, visit for a few hours and come back." 'The mind boggles at the ease of this solution that has been evading me.'

Oooh. S.A.T sentence, folks. The author just got chills up and down her spine. Amongst other things. Carry on.

"No." And by that this Sesshoumaru means that he is not awake enough for this.

As a slight wind swept through the room (don't you bother with the 'how'), a faint "use the force" danced in Rin's mind and she stared blankly at him for a few seconds. Deciding that he was not a morning person, she passed her hand in front of his face, followed by the words: "We WILL go to Kagome for a solution."

"Rin. I don't know what the hell that was but the answer is still no."

The force is strong with this one.

"Define no." And by that, Rin means that she's going, with or without your fine hanyou-self.

What a fine thing telepathic communication is. Really, what would we be without it, I shudder to think.

"It is out of the question. I do not wish to encounter Inuyasha and his brats in my current state. Nor shall you make the trip alone, if that is what you are intending. I will not let that insolent puppy gain amusement at my expense. Understand this, little one, we are not going. This Sesshoumaru will say it only once more: out-of-the-question. We are NOT leaving this castle. Has this Sesshoumaru made himself clear?" And by clear, you are to understand crystals, my young apprentice.

... And just like magic, two hours, thirty-five minutes and seven fights later, we find our dynamic duo, once again in fashionable garb n' gear, making their way to Casa de Yasha.

Despite popular belief, they're not on their way to South America.

Ignoring the howling screams of pain that somehow found their way from the nether regions of our fine little planet and unyielding chirps from green things that have more resurrection in them than the Bible, our people pressed on towards the in-laws.

Sesshoumaru was...well, let's just not go there yet. _Peeved_ is one way to put it. One of many choice words, in fact.

Let us all take a moment to thank the English language for providing us with a plethora of fine words with which to strategically convey our or others' emotions.

I know. I really strained myself with _peeved._ Pressing on... It really wasn't all that bad until-

"Well well well, if it isn't the mighty- HOLY HELL WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!"

Inuyasha has such a way with words. Needless to say, as articulation is not one of his finer points, Kagome's interjections at the opportune moments are most welcome. And it all works out. Almost as if this were written down somewhere...like a story...hmmm..

"Rin-chan, Sesshoumaru! How wonderful to see you guys! My...this is an...unexpected surprise. What...ah...happened?"

"Hi Kagome-chan...Inuyasha," Rin said somewhat nervously as she exchanged hugs with Kagome. "We, ah, have a few little problems."

"Yes, I see. Do tell me what happened."

Kagome was looking as perky as ever. In fact, Rin was somewhat glad that the sight of herself and the Lord in their present disheveled states served to bring Kagome down a few notches, that is, before Sesshoumaru got it in him to claw the perk out of her.

Speaking of Sesshoumaru, as we all love to do, we must also bring ourselves to discuss anger management, its pro's and con's and just why some relatives simply beg for violence. But perhaps that is for a later point in time.

"Yeah, I didn't think you could look any dumber but you look like a real-"

"Inuyasha: OSUWARI!"

"Hahaha, dad you really need to stop pissing mom off!"

Enter hellion one. That is to say, Inutaro, the younger of Kagome and Inuyasha's two sons. Aren't children such blessings? And talkative little tikes...

"mfffgnhgmn!"

"Hey aunt Rin, uncle Sesshoumaru. Whoa aunt Rin! What's with that stench? And what's under all the cloth uncle Sesshoumaru? You look kinda...deformed..."

As can be expected, a child usually gets more from one side of the family than the other.

Curioser and curioser.

"Your brat lacks respect and tact, as can be expected in such an environment." Rin, you had better make this quick and worth this Sesshoumaru's while. All this...perkiness...is getting to me.

"Sesshoumaru-sama please!" Be nice for five minutes, damn you. "Kagome-chan, we need the help of your miko powers. You see, it all started when..."

This would take a while. Of course, it's all a matter of interpretation, so it's not like Kagome had to know _everything._ And Inuyasha...

"So, lemme get this straight. You want Kagome to set you guys back to normal, right? What's in it for her, huh? Besides, I think this is just what the asshole deserves!"

But before anyone could comment further on Inuyasha's...misgivings... enter hellion two.

"Honestly father, how can you be so ill-mannered towards your own flesh and blood, to your much _older _and much _wiser_ brother?"

"What tha-?"

"Ahh hello Haru-chan!" My goodness, he resembles his uncle so much it's almost disgusting.

"Hello aunt Rin, honored uncle. As always we humbly appreciate you favoring us with your visit. I trust your trip was well."

Now this was a kid that was definitely a chip off Sesshoumaru's block. In fact, the only one that he actually _liked _out of his new relatives. His hope for the Inu-youkai line was always renewed whenever he saw Haru. Unfortunate that he is tainted by human blood, but a powerful warrior in the making, nevertheless. Plus, he resembles this Sesshoumaru so much, it's almost disgusting.

"Your powers have increased since we met last, nephew. Perhaps you will allow this Sesshoumaru to oversee your training in the future." That ought to get Inuyasha's goat.

And the goat was gotten, faster than you can say-

"Hey! What the hell do you think- "

"I am at your service, esteemed uncle." Please, take me away from this nuthouse.

After a few more pleasantries and subtle pleas of wanting to be taken away were exchanged, Kagome got to work on the relatively simple formula that would put an end to Rin's...er..._friendliness_...and the lengthy process of relinquishing Sesshoumaru from his impoverished state. In layman's terms, it was a very long day full of insults, threats of homicide and otherwise ghastly descriptions of what Sesshoumaru could do with or without his swords and just where Inuyasha could stick Tetsusaiga.

Kagome and Rin had grown tiresome of listening to the men quarrel, as had the boys who were now minding their own respective businesses, one contemplating global domination as the other one thought "ooohhh...worms..." Thus they waited for Rin's hormone levels to come back down to earth and for Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha to get a life. Two, if possible.

Trees were being flung everywhere. The gardening bill was going to be expensive again.

"Goodness, they sure love to keep at it," Kagome said, attempting to break the boredom. "It's almost time for dinner but I doubt they have any intention of stopping."

"Hmm," Rin offered in agreement. For once in her life.

"Inuyasha still hasn't learned to control his temper, after all these years."

"Hmm."

"And that Sesshoumaru- he's no better! Such an immature, overgrown puppy."

"Hmm... hey- what was that?" Red alert. I'm sorry, are you insulting my man? My lord? Are you even –trying- to go there?

"Well," Kagome smiled and waved her hand dismissively, "he certainly has acted like one ever since I cam to know him. It's not exactly a secret. Oh, you know what I mean, Rin-chan."

"No I'm sure I –don't- know what you mean, Kagome-san."

"Whoa, what's with the formality all of a sudden?"

"How dare you call Sesshoumaru-sama an immature and overgrown puppy! What gives you that right. Just take a look at Inuyasha- what is he, huh? Certainly not behaved or well-mannered, that's for damn sure." Let's go woman, bring it.

At the sound of voice decibels being raised, Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha put a brief pause in their brotherly bonding, to see what all the ruckus was about.

"Uh-oh," interjected Inutaro, "Mom and aunt Rin are gonna go at it. Man, my money's on mom."

"Surely you jest," retaliated Haru, "Aunt Rin is more than capable of securing the upper-hand."

"...Huh? I mean- oh yeah! 20,000 Yen says mom woops aunt Rin's ass."

"It is a bet. The same rules apply to this as have been used in previous wagers. Understood? "

Inutaro looked at his brother in disgust, for the twelfth time that hour. "Understood. Man, you really did get more of uncle Sesshoumaru's genes."

"Nonsense. Just because I –know- I'm better than everyone else does not suggest-"

"Never mind..."

"Don't you dare compare my husband to that homicidal ego-maniac!"

"Homo- what! Are you calling him gay? Because you'd better not be calling him gay- that's MY job. There's nothing Inuyasha can do better!"

"Well at least mine has a bigger sword! Beat that…you- you brat!"

The men stared in wonder. What the hell was going on? Did it even matter?

No, not really.

"Yeah, you tell her, Kagome! See, that's MY human."

"Inuyasha- OSUWARI!"

"mfngmfnfmgn!"

"Oh yeah?" Rin continued, "Well mine. has. two. BEAT THAT."

'Excellent job, little girl. You do this Sesshoumaru proud.'

"And he's far prettier than Inuyasha."

'That needn't be said.'

"Why you---!"

And while our favorite original hanyou was still attempting to peel himself off the Earth, Sesshoumaru had had enough of the two hormone-high humans. Besides, it was evident that Rin had won by a landslide. There was no mistaking it; he had done an impeccable job in raising her. Not that he doubted his child-rearing skills at any given moment. It's just that the rest of us that did. And clearly, in comparison with his, what –we- think is pure diddly.

Thus with one swift stride (the man likes speed, what can I say) he had hurled little Rin over his shoulder and proceeded homeward bound. At least, the main objective had been secured and sanity could once again be restored.

Still, there were shouts of "please take me with you, uncle! I beg you!" lingering in the air... How very curious indeed.

"Well, I guess that puts an end to that," Kagome sighed, trying to smooth her ruffled feathers. "Inuyasha, -what- are you still doing down there?"

"mfffmfng."

Meanwhile...

"I believe you owe me 20,000 Yen."

"What! She left in the middle of the fight. That was interference!"

"I would appreciate you not referring to our beloved uncle as "interference," you ingrate."

"Beloved- wha? What did you call me?"

"I do not expect one such as yourself to come close to comprehension. Come, let us not waste time. Hand over what is mine."

"Make me, asshole!"

"You will regret those words you unworthy- "

"Kids! Behave! Mom has a headache."

"Mother, the ingrate, henceforth known as my insignificant other, has engaged in a wager with myself, also known as the latter party, in which it was agreed that if he, a.k.a the former party, were to lose or forfeit the aforementioned wager, he would thereby acquiesce the pre-determined sum of 20,000 Yen to the winning party, otherwise known as the latter party, being myself. He is currently refusing to comply with the rules which he himself helped set. I realize that there is no justice in this world however if you wish to see your son in one piece I heartily suggest that you initiate an affirmative response which will lead to the flow of 20,000 Yen into my hands."

"Hu-huh! What did you just say?"

"Mom, he's cheating!"

"…. I don't know what you just said but stop threatening your brother Haru, or mom's going to send you with your aunt and uncle."

"Oh please mother, would you? Spare me from the clutches of this prematurely dysfunctional unit you people have the audacity to call a family."

"Mom make him speak Japanese!"

"Sigh... You certainly did get more from your uncle's side of the family, didn't you."

"Indeed. I was spared."

"Yeah mom, and he's always staring at that girl, ya know, Rikku. That's where he wanders to all day."

"Silence you punk. As if I would taint myself further by associating with humans. Never mind the fact that she is several years my junior."

"Inuyasha, dear, I need some help!"

"You're such a spoiled, pretty-boy - "

Aaah... Another generation of brotherly love unfolds before our very eyes.

As for our ever riled-up twosome, the trek home was more than welcome. The conversation had taken a few unexpected turns, ranging from questions such as "why do you get so angry?" to comments such as "lemme at her, I'll rip her hair out!" But as the tone grew more serious and, dare this humbled author say _romantic_, the chirping turned into surround sound and yada yada yada (insert sunsets and all the shooting stars and fireflies bullsht).

"S-so what are you trying to say?"

"What this Sesshoumaru is trying to tell you," now that you are not as –rabid- as you were "is that… some things need not be said. They should be understood." excellent. That should buy this Sesshoumaru enough time to-

"I don't agree. Will it kill you to tell me how you really feel?"

"Perhaps you are being presumptuous about this Sesshoumaru's feelings?"

That was it. She snapped (again). 'What in the seven hells do you mean 'presumptuous'? I'll frickin...' "You know what buddy, you're a real ass when you want to be," she yelled, as she jabbed her finger into his back, from her uncomfortable position being hanging over his shoulder. "Are you sure you're not an ass-demon? Because I could swear sometimes... never mind. My point is, I'm not afraid to say it, unlike some people." 'Here goes nothing...' "I love you! See! It's that easy. I love you. There, I said it again. My goodness, you're an ass. I mean, it's intolerable sometimes, so much that I hate you. I love you, but sometimes, I really fcking hate you. And right now is one of those times. Am I making sense? Are you even listening?..." And so she rambles on.

'She loves me. She loves _me_. SHE LOVES- but of course she does. I am Sesshoumaru, after all.' "As I love you. Now do BE SILENT!" he barked.

"You...you love me? Sesshoumaru-sama... So stop yelling at me and let down!" 'You're damn skippy you love me. You think you'd still be capable of walking if you'd said anything else? I don't care how powerful you are, every man is a moving target in the same place...'

"No."

"Intolerable. I swear..."

So much love going on. All you need is love. And food. And water. Possibly shelter. But anyway... Sesshoumaru was right, some feelings transcend mere words.

"Sess..Sesshoumaru-sama? I have a confession to make." 'Yet another.'

'Dear god, not another one.' "What is it?"

'Careful, don't sound too concerned now.' "Well, a while back, you know, before the whole _accident_…_thing…whatever_... I started hearing these, I dunno, voices- in my head. I'm pretty sure they're gone now but what do you think it means? Am I thinking too hard?"

'I doubt there is much danger of that.' "..."

"Or do you think I'm going crazy?" Rin's voice pleaded.

'No crazier than this Sesshoumaru.' "Perhaps it was merely your conscience trying to reprimand you for your behavior." _'Someone_ has to.'

'Gimme a break. If that were true then you'd be a walking migraine.' "Then what about you? Doesn't you conscience ever talk to you?"

"Absolutely not." 'If you only knew the horror that has been this Sesshoumaru's mind of late.'

'Lies. All lies, I tell you!' "Oh and why is that?"

"I do not have one."

Deadpan looks are shared as the faint echoes of a distinct, familiar chirp, long since forgotten, sweeps through with the winds of time.

"Did you hear tha- never mind. So are you trying to tell me that you never hear voices? Never. As in...never?"

"Perhaps you could enlighten this Sesshoumaru by citing a example of such an incident." 'Then I could understand how your attention is otherwise engaged when you are busy disregarding every vital thing this Sess- ……' Yeah, Sesshoumaru has officially been cut off.

"Well... Let me think. Ok, let's say, for example- and this is only an example!- that this voice just happens to be female. She claims to be my conscience and let's just say that she calls herself my better half. She keeps telling me how stupid I am, whenever she can fit it into the conversation, but she does it so often that Rin gets lost and confused and then you start talking to me then she makes Rin say things that Rin doesn't intend to share and she picks on me and, and-" Alright child now I want you to take a deeeep breath.

Sesshoumaru's eyes blinked on and off, much akin to the attributes of a camera whose flash has all but blinded the innocent people who are ruthlessly being bound to a cheesy photograph that probably makes them look larger then they are, with stupid smiles that they're probably faking and red eyes that make it look like everyone's been possessed by a savage...thing...with red eyes. But let us not dwell on product placement o beloved readers.

"And what you have just described is..."

"A purely hypothetical situation."

"Rin."

"Yes?"

"What are you on?" 'And can I have some?'

"Whatever it is, you can't have any." 'I'm on love, baby. I've got nothin' but love for you.'

"..." 'Damn'

Now, onwards and upwards faithful audience for as our favorite demon/de-hanyou-fying lord and not-so-hormone-high human are on their way home in caveman-like fashion, the little green wanderer is still trying to find a way out of the…well…the _nether_ regions. No, the _other_ nether regions.

"Hey! Hey 'Sesshoumaru-sama'! Big news!"

"What is it 'Rin'?"

"They've done it! They've actually done it. They've spoken _the words._"

"Pre-nuptial agreement?"

"No, the other ones!"

"Adoption?"

"No dammit! _I love you_."

"! (since when are exclamation marks words this author cannot say...but go with it) Really...then it is time. Time to really screw with their minds, as kind of a goodbye before the One orders us to retire our efforts."

"I couldn't agree more. Shall I collect 'Jaken'?"

"Yes, and do make sure the other Jaken makes it up in time to...barge in...kukuku."

Brushing aside the unnecessarily creepy sound effect in the previous sentence, we bring another chapter to a close, faithful followers. And After all is said and done, I leave you with one final thought: aren't we all entitled to a happy ending or two? Not to mention, the right to get our respective grooves on without being interrupted?

That's what I thought...

A/N: As always, thank you for reading the story and putting up with my eccentricities.


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